Bestest Friends

This hallway seemed longer than all the other ones. It seemed to go on forever as she skipped from pink tile, to pink tile. She looked up and it wasn’t all white anymore, there were animals, and clowns on every corner and a big sign that said Pediatric cancer ward. The clowns made this place pretty but not happy, nobody was smiling. Only then did she notice something strange about these children, they had no hair. Even the little ones who were smaller than she was. The only people she had seen without hair had been daddy’s friends. Summer had asked the man why he didn’t have any hair, and he told her that she was a badly behaved little girl and to mind her manners. Later nanny had explained that the man couldn’t grow any hair anymore, and that’s why he got so angry.

She wondered why the little children didn’t have hair, but decided to ignore it in favor of finding somebody to talk to. Summer walked into the closest room, she saw a boy sitting on the bed. He didn’t have any hair ether; he wore the same hospital gown that she did. He was looking out the window and hadn’t noticed her come in. She thought he looked very sad, and of Corse as she was the only one there it was her job to make him happy. “HI” she said walking up to his bed and standing right beside him, putting out her right arm like her daddy had told her to when she met a new person. “I’m summer”. The little boy looked at her for a second like she was very strange.

“Hi,” he said, still looking skeptical. “I’m Clint.” That was all summer needed as invitation to talk. “I’m here because I broke my arm trying to get some macaroni, because the stuff nanny made me was yucky. So I hanged from the sparkly light in the kitchen to get the Kraft, but I fell and when I woke up I was here. Then I went to go to the bathroom, but I couldn’t find it anywheres, so I came here.” By the end of her story summer was rather out of breath because she talked to fast. Clint smiled at her, before saying “I’m here because I have cancer.”

 He looked out at the window again with a frown on his face and all summer wanted to do was make it go away. “What’s cancer” she asked genuinely curious. Clint looked at her, “I don’t know” he said smiling, “I’ve had it for a year and nobody actually told me what it is, all they told me is it might kill me, and that I was going to lose all my hair.”

Summer thought for a minute. “You can’t die” she said, “you’re not allowed.” He looked at her like she had just said the silliest thing anyone had ever said to him before. “I can, and I will. People die here all the time”

Summer just looked at him indignantly, nope; you’re my best friend you can’t die. None of my friends have ever died which means they never will” she said innocently climbing up onto Clint's bed. Clint looked shocked, “I’m your best friend, you just met me.” Summer looked at him completly confused, “does that mean you can’t be my best friend?” Clint thought about it for a minute before replying “no I guess it doesn’t” he said smiling at her.

 

Just then a nurse came in very shocked to find someone on Clint’s bed. “Young lady I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Summer pouted and said “I don’t want to leave,” grabbing onto Clint and holding him so tight she was surprised she didn’t break his fragile frame. “He’s my best friend! why can’t I stay?” she pouted her lips and refused to release Clint. She never wanted to let go, because she knew if she did he would go away, and he might not come back. This disease that took peoples hair killed them too, and she wouldn’t let that happen. Not that she would ever let Clint know, but she had never had a friend before. So she didn’t know if they could die. But she hoped he wouldn’t, she hoped with all her heart that he wouldn’t.  

 The nurse looked at them a moment before deciding that it wasn’t too big a deal for her to be there, at least while she went to find out who the little girl was and why she was wandering around the hospital.

Reviews

[emily]

Aww how sweet. I love the innocence of this writing, especially in the face of something as horrible as cancer. The exchange between Clint and Summer has been my favorite moment in reading this book so far. However, be wary of allowing this to become your typical "little kid gets cancer, says some touching things and then dies" book. Based on your writing thus far, I have faith that you know better than that.
Critiques remain the same, mostly things that just aren't my particular cup of tea. I can see now, though, that you might be going for a style, with the dialouge particularly. The lack of separating paragraphs makes for a more childlike voice, which might be what you were going for... I guess that's just what I got out of it. Either way, it might be growing on me.
My main issue here is that, to me, it simply doesn't seem realistic that this little girl would be wandering all by her lonesome around a hospital, through the cancer ward, and into someone's room. I don't know if there is any better way to set up Summer and Clint's meeting, but that just kind of bugged me here.
Anyway, I'm definitely enjoying this. The quality of writing is certainly well above par. I'll probably get to more tomorrow.

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[The Old Ashes]

Really cute chapter. There are just a few things that are preventing me from taking the story as complete reality. They both seem, in conversation and the like, and with Summer's thoughts.. to both be a little too mature for six year olds. Maybe try to lighten it up a bit so they're a little more childish. I'd guess from this they were eight or nine year olds. The other thing is how they meet. I would like to help you touch up this scene a bit, because it's not really very realistic for a six year old to be allowed to wander around a hospital--especially a cancer ward. She would be noticed and spotted the second she left the room, and I know this from experience.
Most hospital's have a Child Life play room with a Child LIfe Specialist who plays with the kids and reads to them. Maybe Clint and Summer could meet here? Just a suggestion, it's your story and I think the direction it's taking is very cute. I'm drawn into it, I will surely admit.
One last thing, I think it may draw out the story a bit more if we go a little longer into their meeting and their bond forming-- as this is very important to the grand scheme of the book.
I'll include some more notes in my edits. :) This is great work Arianna!
I love ya!
100/100
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[melissa]

I am so happy that Jake got me to read this book because an amazing book I can't wait to see what happends next thank you Ana for sharing this amazing book

[Lorrie]

very sweet. i know you're 16 but you're doing a great job channeling your inner 6yr old!
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[PrincessZeldaWannabe]

Aw, this chapter is really cute yet sad. Nice job!

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[PrincessZeldaWannabe]

Aww this chapter is really cute but sad. Nice job!


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[.quan.011.]

Awwww, this is very touching. I still want to slap her mother. I love your writing style and the main characters are lovable. I hope that Clint and Summer became good friends for a long while even though I know it not going to last. I like this chapter and moving on to the next.

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[Jake Donald Stephens]

I can see the story really hitting its stride now, and taking a very thoughtful and emotional turn. It's just brilliant how you're capturing the mindset and behavior of children. "We're best friends!" "We are? Well, okay."
And it's not only adorable but also touching, how she really does care about him just like that and doesn't want him to die. Really makes me pull for the characters.
Well done Ana, I'm impressed so far.

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[tynamite]

The way you narrate stories is similar to the way I narrate stories. Interesting. This book is amazing. Corse is a spelling mistake. The storyline is really good.

[Daydreamer54]

AW, I hope this bok has a happy ending. I fele sorry ofr clint. :/
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