Felix

this chapter introduces felix. well.. youll see.

 

“Felix, why do you carry that thing around with you?” I asked as I found him sitting in the very center of the sanctuary. Staring up at the walls around him filled with glass rooms containing supplies for our lives here. On his lap sat a little black book titled THE HOLEY BIBLE. Felix and this book were inseparable ever since one of the old women gave it to him and told him all about the story of Jesus god and the bible.

 

Felix looked me straight in the eye, his soft golden orbs staring into my soul. “I carry it so that I can read it” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Yes I know that, but why do you like to read it” I asked exasperated. “Don’t you want something to believe in Aurora?” he looked at me, his eyes questioning. “Yes I would like something to believe in. But I can’t, Felix... I just can’t." Felix looked at me; his look is so intense that it almost burns. "Someday Aurora, Someday you will believe."

“I do believe though, I believe that people control their own lives. That they are filled with choices that we make, and that is what makes us who we are. I don’t believe that life is a series of tests to see if you spend an eternity in heaven or hell. I believe that this is it. This is all there is, this life, these choices. But I do not believe in your little book. The idea that there is an all powerful being that is watching us at all times is not only a little bit scary and perverted, but also a rather ludicrous idea. If he is such an all powerful being that is looking out for humans everywhere, then why did he allow the explosion to wipe out everybody but those who made it into this sanctuary?”

 

Felix just looked at me with a sad look, as if I was a puppy that had been kicked too many times. “maybe those who did not find sanctuary were not worthy, maybe those who he has saved, are those who he needs to survive to re build the world as a better place after the explosion ” he said, “How do you know he exists?” I asked, aware of the fact that I sounded like I was begging at this moment. “How do you know he doesn’t?” He asked Looking at me for a moment, not as if he was expecting an answer. Just like he wanted it to sink in before he stood and walked towards the rooms of learning.

 

I sat there for a while in the center of the sanctuary. Staring up at the darkness that I’m sure faded into dirt at some point of the ceiling. It was impossible to see from here though. Was he up there? Far above the dirt, above the upper world? Sometimes I wondered why I was so against this god that Felix told me about. Was it just that there was little proof of his existence. Or that if he is up there watching us, knowing what we're thinking, ultimately controlling what we do with our lives, made me feel like I wasn’t a person myself?

 

Dahm Felix for making me do this. Every discussion I had with the boy went the same way. I started knowing what I was saying. I planned out all of what I was going to say, what I thought about evrything. I started out Grounded, strong opinionated, and by the end I was questioning the very meanings of existence. Why we were here, where we come from, why someone started the war that ended in world destruction.

 

Author's Note

Ive changed this chapter, a little but i think it made a difference. so.. if youve read it re read it soon:)

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

Okay, before I start this, based on the other reviews, this is going to sound harsh. So before I get into all that, I should say that this is an interesting and original (as far as apocolypse stories go) beginning chapter. You clearly have the main characters well-thought out, though they could use a little fleshing out in the writing.

Okay, first off, if you copy and paste this to word, it'll fix up most of the spelling and grammar errors throughout the piece. This will make it easier for readers. It's never a good idea to ignore spelling and grammar errors, because readers get interrupted by them. It takes them out of the story, and they start noticing all of the little errors and stops them from focuaing in on the story itself.

I went back and read the prologue, and I think this chapter just feels like a continuation of the prologue. A book should stand apart from the prologue, it should be able to stand alone. With this in mind, I would think you could place the first five paragraphs into the prologue. This would allow you to start with the sixth. One thing you learn as a writer is that you want to start in media res (in the middle of the story). Starting with Aurora addressing Felix about the bible would be a good way to throw the readers into the story. This would also give you more freedom to expand on the scene, add in details about where they are, what they look like, how they act and react to each other. Dialogue is lacking in this chapter, though what you do have is pretty decent. Their speech isn't totally the way teens talk, but that works, since living in an underground world with no recollection of the old world would force these two to grow up faster than usual. The dialogue would help us to understand Felix better, yet still keep the mystery surrounding him, as well as Aurora, and their two obviously polar opposite philosophies.

You could also expand on her contemplation near the end of the chapter, since this chapter, even with the first five paragraphs, is fairly short. Just expand on the entire scene, make it the body of the chapter, rather than the ending, and I think this could be a very strong first chapter. I can see Felix and Aurora being two very original characters as long as you're willing to put in the work to get them across to the reader. If you expand on this scene, you will also be able to show us who they are, which is much more effective than just telling us, which gets into long descriptions, and this can bore a reader pretty quickly.

But I think this has potential so far. I hope you haven't given up on it (although, when I was fifteen, I never wrote more than a few pages of any story, so to tell you not to is pretty hypocritical). Thanks for the RR and keep sending them.

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[melissa]

Awsome chapter can't wait to see what happends next

[Alexis]

of course this chapter needs some editing, but I always think it's important to have the characters strongly established. already, you can see that Felix and Aurora are very different, and by the end of the chapter you can see that Aurora seems a bit lost about the world and how she feels about God. I think you're doing great:)
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[pamzilla. &hear..]

I really liked this chapter.
Even though you had a few spelling errors that can be easily fixed, the chapter was still enjoyable.
Next chapter, here I come.

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[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong opening chapter. I like the two characters. I like how she feel when she lost control again. The story had great possibilities. The storyline is good. Now need the where, when, what, who and how. I look forward to reading more.
Coyote

[DaNcInG MoNkEy]

great chapter. makes me want to read more.

[Knoxxeh]

Good start i liked it alot