Only The Kraft Kind

"Why is the world upsidown?" Summer asked. Her tiny body draped about the couch in a more than comical way. Little toes covered by lacy pink stockings lay where your head ought to be. Naturally forcing her head into the vacancy that should contain your feet.

 

"The world is not upsidown dear...you are" her Nanny replied.

 

 A small humph issued from her lips. "but Nanny what if I’m really right side up and everything else is just upsidown?"

 

Nanny scowled, "that’s not how it works no go wash up for dinner" her freckled features scrunched up in displeasure at the thought of washing up. "But Nanny..." she was cut off  "no buts just march".

 

Summer allowed her feet to fold over her head and come into contact with the lightly colored carpet that now covered her living room floor. 

 

 "Fine" she said as she wobbled towards the bathroom. "Nanny I’m a bit dizzy, this being rightisde up is hard business"

 

 She looked at herself in the mirror. Her bangs lay choppy even with her eyes. Thin brown hair tied up in little pink bows on either side of her head. One tooth was missing from her gap toothed smile.

She turned on the water and washed her hands. Wiping the water that stuck to her skin afterward on her jumper and pulled one of her pigtails down so that it was lopsided. "There" she said looking in the mirror before she jumped off the stool and walked out into the kitchen.

 

"Nanny why are my silverwares on the wrong places again?"

 

her nanny sighed at her very peculiar antics ad placed the fork and knife across her plate in an X and her spoon balanced between the two.

 

"And the cup nanny what about the cup?" the nanny’s eyes circulated in their sockets as she flipped the cup over on top of the napkin. "okie dokies now I can eat"

 

 she sat down in the chair that was easily twice her size staring out at the long expansive table before her; it was empty. It was always empty. Just her and nanny that were how it always had been. Summer allowed herself to be served but screwed up her face as the goop was ladled onto her silver plate. Now you wouldn’t think that macaroni and cheese could be fancy but believe you me there are ways. French cheese, imported noodles from Japan and Goat milk to be specific. Summer of course hated it and refused to eat any other macaroni than Kraft. This was not Kraft; this was French green and unappetizing. Summer sat there face still screwed up in disgust.

"If you want something else make it yourself" Nanny said knowing full well that summer couldn’t make anything herself Nanny walked out of the room.

 

How hard could it be Summer thought?  She slid beneath the table and out between the legs of another chair. She found herself in the kitchen. Everything was so shiny, now if I were yummy and cheesy where would I hide. She rummaged through cupboards before sighting the blue box above the refrigerator. Jackpot.

 Now all she had to do was get up there. She looked around for something to grab onto, she climbed up onto the counter and reached out for the chandelier hanging down from the ceiling. The glass twinkled while she hung from the fixture preparing to fling her onto the refrigerator.

She let go flew through the air before she hit the shiny silver box and rebounded onto the ground. There was a deepening crack and the scattering of macaroni. The room around her started spinning before going dark.

 

Author's Note

thank you .ronald.039. for helping me figure out how to word that!

Reviews

[Daydreamer54]

AW, summer sounds very cute and unique! takes me back to childhood! ^^ great cliffhanger at the end. My suggestion is to put the dialogue in sepertate paragrphs so it'll be easier to read.
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[Anita]

"that’s not how it works no go wash up for dinner" (missing the *now*) But I liked this story. Really cute and different from what I would expect.
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[tynamite]

You start the story with a very strong introduction that is captivating. You really know how to desribe the simplest of things in the most interesting of ways. I think that the Summer might possibly have a form of autism.
"upsidown" is spelt wrong. It should be upside-down.

[Megan Step]

I think this is super cute!!! Summer seems like my kind of friend. I love how odd she is! I cannot wait to read the next chapter! And thank you for the Review, it truly means a lot that you like it!!!

[Julie Beth]

I love how summer is a bit odd, she has to have everything go a certain way. I think she was a very creative way of looking at things and i love how the nanny acts as though its foolish. I like it though The one thing I would suggest is to capitalise Summer's name and a few places need commas but other than that, this is really good awesome job :)

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[Alicia™]

I can see that this story has potential, and I like your writing style, but this needs some work grammatically. The storyline does interest me, though, so good job on that. :)

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[Lou Briggs]

I know the old maxim says to never judge a book by its cover, but unfortunately, most readers do something similar - judge a book by its first sentence. Because of that, it's my opinion that the first sentence (paragraph, really), should be super strong. Here, your first sentence is a comma splice (a surprisingly severe sin amongst English teachers and professors that no one tells you about until it's too late), and it has 2 weak verbs (is, am, has, had, have, were, was, to be, etc), which make any writing in general sound weak. Also, the second sentence isn't a sentence. This might be style, but it doesn't look like it right off the bat. Try using a dash (-) to separate that. The third sentence is also a comma splice.

A comma splice is when you take two independent phrases, in this case "No she definitely wasn't broken" and "she was born this way", are separated by a comma. It's grammatically incorrect because a comma is used to attach dependent phrases to independent phrases, among other things. I wrote a blog post on this (http://thesacredwordis.blogspot.com/2011/05/semicolon-b***h-queen-of-grammar.html) if you want more information. And if you need any clarification on that, feel free to message me, and I'll be more than happy to help! I love grammar like a drug addict likes Meth. Seriously.

When she asks why the world is upside-down, you need to make a new paragraph to accommodate the dialogue. Also, it's not upsidown, it's upside-down.

Her name always needs to be capitalized. Always. No exceptions. Proper nouns are always capitalized.

Your paragraphing has me confused. You have paragraphs where they don't belong, but when you need them, they're not there. I think you need to re-read and add some. It's very distracting.

Does any child really say "okie dokies"? I only hear that phrase uttered among pre-teen girls, trying to act cute.

Nanny needs to be capitalized as well. All proper nouns.

"this was French green and unappetizing". What are you saying here? What is green? This makes no sense at all.

Overall, I think you really need to study grammar before you consider serious writing. When you start writing without knowing many grammar rules, you have to go back and edit all that, and that's no fun. Search the internet for some help, ask your teachers during the school year, and listen during class.

Hope that helps!

-Lou

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[Coyote Poetry]

A well written chapter. I like the attention to detail and the characters. You are a talented writer. You brought me in with a strong opening chapter. I like the situation you create and the chaos at the end. A excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Blessed_Angel]

nice chapter i like it.

[halflives]

Oh noes. That doesn't look good. I'm really excited to see how this pans out :D