Only The Kraft Kind

"Why is the world upsidown?" Summer asked. Her tiny body draped about the couch in a more than comical way. Little toes covered by lacy pink stockings lay where your head ought to be. Naturally forcing her head into the vacancy that should contain your feet.

 

"The world is not upsidown dear...you are" her Nanny replied.

 

 A small humph issued from her lips. "but Nanny what if I’m really right side up and everything else is just upsidown?"

 

Nanny scowled, "that’s not how it works no go wash up for dinner" her freckled features scrunched up in displeasure at the thought of washing up. "But Nanny..." she was cut off  "no buts just march".

 

Summer allowed her feet to fold over her head and come into contact with the lightly colored carpet that now covered her living room floor. 

 

 "Fine" she said as she wobbled towards the bathroom. "Nanny I’m a bit dizzy, this being rightisde up is hard business"

 

 She looked at herself in the mirror. Her bangs lay choppy even with her eyes. Thin brown hair tied up in little pink bows on either side of her head. One tooth was missing from her gap toothed smile.

She turned on the water and washed her hands. Wiping the water that stuck to her skin afterward on her jumper and pulled one of her pigtails down so that it was lopsided. "There" she said looking in the mirror before she jumped off the stool and walked out into the kitchen.

 

"Nanny why are my silverwares on the wrong places again?"

 

her nanny sighed at her very peculiar antics ad placed the fork and knife across her plate in an X and her spoon balanced between the two.

 

"And the cup nanny what about the cup?" the nanny’s eyes circulated in their sockets as she flipped the cup over on top of the napkin. "okie dokies now I can eat"

 

 she sat down in the chair that was easily twice her size staring out at the long expansive table before her; it was empty. It was always empty. Just her and nanny that were how it always had been. Summer allowed herself to be served but screwed up her face as the goop was ladled onto her silver plate. Now you wouldn’t think that macaroni and cheese could be fancy but believe you me there are ways. French cheese, imported noodles from Japan and Goat milk to be specific. Summer of course hated it and refused to eat any other macaroni than Kraft. This was not Kraft; this was French green and unappetizing. Summer sat there face still screwed up in disgust.

"If you want something else make it yourself" Nanny said knowing full well that summer couldn’t make anything herself Nanny walked out of the room.

 

How hard could it be Summer thought?  She slid beneath the table and out between the legs of another chair. She found herself in the kitchen. Everything was so shiny, now if I were yummy and cheesy where would I hide. She rummaged through cupboards before sighting the blue box above the refrigerator. Jackpot.

 Now all she had to do was get up there. She looked around for something to grab onto, she climbed up onto the counter and reached out for the chandelier hanging down from the ceiling. The glass twinkled while she hung from the fixture preparing to fling her onto the refrigerator.

She let go flew through the air before she hit the shiny silver box and rebounded onto the ground. There was a deepening crack and the scattering of macaroni. The room around her started spinning before going dark.

 

Author's Note

thank you .ronald.039. for helping me figure out how to word that!

Reviews

[Daydreamer54]

AW, summer sounds very cute and unique! takes me back to childhood! ^^ great cliffhanger at the end. My suggestion is to put the dialogue in sepertate paragrphs so it'll be easier to read.
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[mariah]

:) this made me smile. summer seems so sweet and cute, nice work capturing the charaters personality, sometimes this can be hard.

[The Old Ashes]

Arianna,
For starters I love the Character you are portraying in summer. Not only her lopsided pig tails and bangs, but her upside down personality that's actually right side up. What a great metaphor to who she is. I feel like I know her. The only thing I felt was missing from this was her age. I don't get a feel for how old she is? I'm thinking she could be as young as 10, but as old as 15. With the description about her missing teeth, for all I know, she could even be younger. Send me a message and tell me her age in this chapter, so that I can fix it in there somewhere when I do the edit for this chapter.
As everyone else has noticed, the grammar and in general English is very weak. I will strengthen it in my editing however, and I hope you enjoy the outcome. When I send you my edit, you can post it here as your own or maybe only use some of the edits.. etc. Do whatever you want. I did an edit for a girl named Harmony who just used my edit as an example for her to look up to when she did a rewrite.
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I love you!
100/100

[Ashley]

i have to agree with other reviewers here. i'm already pulled in to the character and the story. the opening paragraph was very well executed. and who, at some point or another, hasn't wondered why everything else was upside down? i loved that.

the only thing i found, with everybody else was general grammar and syntax issues. that being said, if it's part of your style go for it. for some reason i find i write poetry best when i don't worry about capitalization. and all my informal communication (such as this) is done the same way. but if you are concerned with the grammar and style then give it a thorough check. can't wait to read the next chapter.

[Brad Nugent]

Lovely work. As others have said, needs editing for spelling, grammar - all those pesky things. Sometimes I like to get other people to read over my work and do an edit for me - especially since I have some friends who are quite pedantic about these things! Other than that - great start, you have captured my attention and I want to know more about Summer.

[.quan.011.]

Wow, I really wish I was the first one to review this. Everyone has already talk about everything that need to say. So I guessed say that I love the main character, and the plot so far. There are some excellent detail. The writing is very flown and easy to understand. Although there some grammar mistake, but don't worry a little reread it will be perfect.

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[emily]

What an adorable little girl you've created! This chapter will make anyone pine for childhood. The writing is simple and sweet, which is just perfect for the story (and characters) you seem to be setting up. And the ending certainly draws readers onward. I'll be moving on shortly.

My critiques would be mostly related to grammar and general setup. For example, you never captialize "Summer" or break dialouge off into new paragraphs, which gets a little difficult to read. And the chapter is just a little short for my taste, but that's just opinion. Nothing horrendous, just little things.

Really, all in all, a pretty solid piece of writing.

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[billie peach]

I really like it so far. The main character is cute and quirky, and she seems like a really cool little girl. This is a good start to the story.
Okay, I would say maybe making the paragraphs a little more organized. It makes it a lot easier to read.
There are a lot of spelling and grammatical errors, but other than that the basic plot seems interesting, and I'd like to read more.
Good Job so far!

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[melissa]

Jake told me about your book ride side up so I wanted to come and check it out and he is right the book so so amazing so far I can't wait to read the next chapter keep up the great work

[Jake Donald Stephens]

okay, others have already pointed out grammar issues, so I don't need to go there again.
This is a great first chapter. A very interesting way of telling from a child's point of view that I don't think I've ever seen before. So congrats are definitely in order for originality.
That nanny should be fired for leaving her alone!
I'm quite honestly curious to see where the story goes from here. So as far as first chapters go, this one certainly does its job: makes the reader want to continue.


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[.ronald.039.]

I liked this. The quirky action was a nice way to introduce the character. But I feel like the story should begin with the dialogue, "Why is the world upsidown?" Because the rest of the chapter shows what the first few sentences tell us -- that Summer is offbeat. If you think the information at the beginning is still important, there are still lots of places it can be inserted (second paragraph, next chapter, etc.). I just think beginning with the dialogue would be a nice and strong opening. Other than that, I think it's a good, solid beginning. Summer is an interesting character.

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