Chapter 15

I slammed the door and made my way across the square ignoring the stares that I got, I was used to them by now. Being the resident fat girl on campus you got used to the stares and the jeeres and well, pretty much everything that came along with it. “ hey ugly” someone shouted.

I just kept my head down, it was just high school nothing was permanent I would be his boss some day. He would peake early and I would be in my prime when it wouldn’t be wasted on football games and prom dresses this was not my time to shine.

I just had to remind myself of that, not let it get to me today was already going to be hell on ice as is. I shuffled down the stairs attempting to take up as little space as I possibly could though I always ffelt like a whale among butterflies in this place.  It didn’t matter I ust had to get to the art room and see if my stuff was there. If I lucked out perhaps mr king would have my sketchbook and that way I wouldn’t have to explain myself to anyone.

Though knowing my luck that would never happen, but I could dream couldn’t I ?  I walked into the empty room and shuffled around the chairs hoping my bag would be hiding under one of them. Maybe just maybe.

I was out of luck though, I shoved the chair into the desk harder than I should and muttered “I should have known”  I swung around stopping in my tracks.

S**t s**t s**t s**t s**t s**t s**t s**t s**t s**t, could my life get any worse. No the awnser was no my life COULD NOT get any worse.  Maybe he hasn’t looked in it maybe just maybe…

“so I guess you weren’t kidding about your sketchbook being filled with pictures of me were you?”

S**T! My mind was screaming , there goes that idea. Say something you idiot say anything.

“ill just …um. Ill just leave now, you can just throw that off of a building and into a garbage disposal preferably and then if you could just forget that I ever existed that would just be…great.”

I knew I was babbeling but honestly what was I supposed to say “oh those aren’t you...” or  “I drew them for Jess.” Dahm that was actually a good excuse why didn’t I say that!

I was so busy mentally abusing myself that I didn’t notice that Ronnie had started laughing at me. Not a malicious laugh like the kids in the quad but a deep rumbeling laugh. How he used to laugh at me when we were young and I did something stupid and he thought it was funny.

“ Janie, they’re really good, did you do them from memory?” he asked once the laughter had subside.

I knew I had to be blushing by now he had to make it so much worse by asking that, of course I did its not as if I had picutures of him like this.

“uh. Yeah. I mean how else, would I have...” man could I get anymore awkward

“would you please just let me go so I can go die in a hole or something” I begged. “I know im stupid and that you and jess are meant to be because she is beautiful and flawless and even though there isn’t even two brain cells to rub together in her head  she is perfect and everyone loves her, I just wanted to remember when you looked at me like I wasn’t disgusting.”

Tears clouded my vision now and I couldn’t even bring myself to care, “I know im being stupid and that we aren’t in middle school anymore you cant be friends with the fat girl, let alone date her. That’s why I said nothing, that’s why those are private and they were meant to stay that way. I don’t know what kind of joke you and jess are pulling on me, or how she figured out but its really not funny. I may be ugly but that doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings and that im not a person.”

I hadn’t looked up from the floor the entire rant which probably made it all that more pathetic in his eyes and I was sure that by second block today, everyone would know how the resident fat chick confessed her love for the most unreachable guy at school.

I whipped my tears and stepped around Ronnie, before I felt my wrist being grabbed from behind and I was tugged back to where I was.

“you get to do all that talking and I don’t even get in a word Janie how is that fair?” he asked voice steady as ever.

I was sure he noticed my heart beat faster as he called me Janie, before today he hadn’t called me that since, well since middleschool.

“do you know why I stopped hanging out with you Janie?” he asked, I still couldn’t bring myself to look at him if I did I knew the waterworks would just start right back up.

“you know me better than anyone else in the whole world and you couldn’t figure out that I hated every second of it? Jane would you at least look at me when im telling you this.”

This cant be real, it just cant. He cant be telling me that he wanted to stay my friend, it didn’t make any sense.

“if you had wanted to be my friend you would have stayed my friend, I wasn’t the one who walked away. I was there for all of it, I was there when your dad started drinking, I was there when your mom died and then all the sudden you were just gone. I called, I wrote, Hell I showed up at your door and your dad told me that you never wanted to speak to me ever again. Don’t you dare tell me that you didn’t want this because it was your choice.”

My voice cracked and my face was covered in tears once again as I reached out to grab my sketchbook, “just do me a favor, whatever dumb game you’re playing here. Just quit it.” And with that I spun around and walked out of the classroom.

There was no point in even being in school anymore I didn’t have my bag, I didn’t want to be here and by second period everyone would be laughing at me anyway.

I walked out to my car, whipping my tears and smeared make up away before crawling into the backseat locking the doors and crying until I was out of tears.

Author's Note

you didnt think i was going to make it that easy did you?

Reviews

[melissa]

I agree with jake I.want roonie to explain why treated jane so badly I cant wait to read more and to see what happends next

[Jake Donald Stephens]

Getting more interesting, just when I didn't think that was possible.
The relationships of your characters are just as complex as those of real people.
Now I want to hear Ronnie explain himself, about why he treated Jane so badly in the past.... And why she should forgive him now!
Aaah, its throwing me for a loop. But in a good way.
Will Ronnie learn the lesson of Shallow Hal, after all?
I must know, I must, I must, and soon!
(you've seen that movie, right? If not, you should watch it.)