Sorry

I have always been one to be in my head

Thinking if I'm better off alive or dead

No matter how I try to say or mention 

Nobody ever pays attention

I'm tired of faking this awful smile

Cause no matter how hard I run I can't reach the next mile

It’s like even when I try to show others what I endure

They still don't understand what goes on behind closed doors

Tired of people saying Im overreacting

But, if they had to audition to play me then maybe they will understand the action

Life has been such a disaster 

Maybe death will finally be my happily ever after

All these thoughts I'm trying to gather

But why cause nothing even matters

Hate pretending that I'm fine

Feels like everyone else life matters but mine

Not even superman can save me

Why? cause all these emotions Im dealing with is already waist deep

Tears that fall from my eyes and hit this page,

This body that I'm in feels like I'm an animal thats locked in a cage

When it rain it pours

But i don't know how much i can take anymore

Nobody hears my cries for help

So i guess I gotta handle things for myself

I'm tired of hearing take it one day at a time, 

Life may be precious but not mine

I've been starving for love and compassion as a meal

But maybe to feed my appetite I should eat these pills

They say that if I do that then its selfish 

But what am i supposed to do then with all i been dealt with 

Saying sorry now is too late

Acting like you care now is the icing on the cake 

Even if little things go great

But i think i'll be better off in a sunken place

My world keeps on crashing down

No matter how hard I try to grip myself from leaving the ground 

Me being gone wouldn't make a difference 

Things would just move on, i know coincidence 

Sure they'll say at the funeral that they miss me and how it used to be

But i had to end my suffering for me 

This poem comes to an end and the words I have spun

Maybe like drake said “maybe they'll miss me a little when I'm gone”

Reviews

[Louisa Chan]

Thank you for sharing this very sensational write Nelli.
I hope the sun rise and fall every day means something for you, and that you find yourself a delight to other people and your love for yourself is as strong as that others shower on you.
With all my best wishes,
Louisa

[NelliKong]

Thank you for the comment Louisa. I appreciate the feedback; it means a lot

[Jon R.T.]

Writing is one of the most emotional outlets we have there is something to be said about the suffrage we endear. Tiny mirrors into the soul of humanity so many writer's prose dew drops and pleasantry, but we all have that deep part we hide I admire that you place it out for us to join you while reading.

[NelliKong]

Thank you so much Jon R T

[neurostar burns]

lol!
Please, lol! I am a nonconformist. Of course I could tell you have a woman's name.
Sir, here, is used to respectfully acknowledge the experiences that are significant
of someone's experience. Not for gender application.
Please have fun!

[NelliKong]

My apologies. Thanks for the clarification

[neurostar burns]

No apology needed! I said I am a noncomformist, hopefully with a brain. Please have a good life ahead, that is all I strive for you and others.

[neurostar burns]

Glad to see you onboard, sir. Am looking at "sorry" but not yet the others. One point is that being dead will not make any happier. No guarantee in that at all. Not even relief is guaranteed.
Recommended, of course do not depend or make others define you. Spend time with yourself
finding and developing strong points you can already access in your mind's catch all receptacle.
Just focus more on that for a while, but not to exclusion of all else. The outside may watch and guess but you have the initiative and you own your thoughts, not others own you.
Find what you are comfortably at ease with.
Try this out for a while, like months, sir, let me know if you wish how you are doing.
Best
Venerable J. aka neurostar

[NelliKong]

Thanks for the comment. Btw I’m a woman lol

[Feelings In Motion.]

OMG I've become an instant fan of your work.
But I hope you are not going through anything this serious. If so I will love to help.

[NelliKong]

Thank you I appreciate this comment.

[Feelings In Motion.]

You are welcome

[John the Baptist]

Why don't you try loving yourself for a while? Might help.

[Soren]

Nice rhyme for one so overwhelmed. This darkness is both disturbing and common. Many people feel like this at one time or another in their lives. The real task is overcoming it. I'm glad that you are using poetry as a means of dealing with these issues. Poetry has helped me with issues and I know that it can be of use for you as well. Best wishes in your journey through life.

[NelliKong]

Thank you for this comment. I appreciate it.