Sorry

I have always been one to be in my head

Thinking if I'm better off alive or dead

No matter how I try to say or mention 

Nobody ever pays attention

I'm tired of faking this awful smile

Cause no matter how hard I run I can't reach the next mile

It’s like even when I try to show others what I endure

They still don't understand what goes on behind closed doors

Tired of people saying Im overreacting

But, if they had to audition to play me then maybe they will understand the action

Life has been such a disaster 

Maybe death will finally be my happily ever after

All these thoughts I'm trying to gather

But why cause nothing even matters

Hate pretending that I'm fine

Feels like everyone else life matters but mine

Not even superman can save me

Why? cause all these emotions Im dealing with is already waist deep

Tears that fall from my eyes and hit this page,

This body that I'm in feels like I'm an animal thats locked in a cage

When it rain it pours

But i don't know how much i can take anymore

Nobody hears my cries for help

So i guess I gotta handle things for myself

I'm tired of hearing take it one day at a time, 

Life may be precious but not mine

I've been starving for love and compassion as a meal

But maybe to feed my appetite I should eat these pills

They say that if I do that then its selfish 

But what am i supposed to do then with all i been dealt with 

Saying sorry now is too late

Acting like you care now is the icing on the cake 

Even if little things go great

But i think i'll be better off in a sunken place

My world keeps on crashing down

No matter how hard I try to grip myself from leaving the ground 

Me being gone wouldn't make a difference 

Things would just move on, i know coincidence 

Sure they'll say at the funeral that they miss me and how it used to be

But i had to end my suffering for me 

This poem comes to an end and the words I have spun

Maybe like drake said “maybe they'll miss me a little when I'm gone”

Reviews

[Louisa Chan]

Thank you for sharing this very sensational write Nelli.
I hope the sun rise and fall every day means something for you, and that you find yourself a delight to other people and your love for yourself is as strong as that others shower on you.
With all my best wishes,
Louisa

[NelliKong]

Thank you for the comment Louisa. I appreciate the feedback; it means a lot

[Jon R.T.]

Writing is one of the most emotional outlets we have there is something to be said about the suffrage we endear. Tiny mirrors into the soul of humanity so many writer's prose dew drops and pleasantry, but we all have that deep part we hide I admire that you place it out for us to join you while reading.

[NelliKong]

Thank you so much Jon R T

[The_Ancient_Rock]

Ok... so... please...

Yes I do too... feel that way,

Almost every single day...

Some people must feel that some other's poetry...

Nothing but a joke... really.

Suicide... should never be the answer...

Try and be... I don't know...

A rain maker... A fire dancer...

Like I said... sooner... later...

We will most probably... be there...

So really... no need in rushing things up...

Time does such... pretty damn good.

Soldier on!

Ps- (I'm not trying to discriminate no one here...
I really... well it's impossible for me to deal with the whole wide world...
at one single time... Some I will read, others reject...

Try and be precise... not... abject...

[NelliKong]

Thank you for the feedback I appreciate it

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the honest thoughts in the poetry my friend. I have thinking about death for 35 years. Two brothers killed themselves in 1989.
"This poem comes to an end and the words I have spun
Maybe like drake said “maybe they'll miss me a little when I'm gone”
I wondered the same question as you written above. I believe we gain wisdom. When we quit making other folks happy and seek our pleasure. Thank you for sharing the powerful words and thoughts.
Coyote

[NelliKong]

Thank you Coyote

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[Dilan Gray]

This is very powerful and heartbreaking. Beautifully written.

[NelliKong]

Thank you for the comment. I appreciate the feedback.

[Dilan Gray]

You’re welcome!

[Lovesicksoul]

Can't put my words to describe how I feel reading this it really is so sad and sadly relateable . I hope you do great in your life .

[NelliKong]

Thank you for the comment I appreciate the feedback.

[Shelley Warner]

I hope you don't try to escape the pain by ending it. Your poem is very honest. Keep writing. It is cathartic.

[NelliKong]

Thank you for the comment I appreciate the feedback

[Babbette Francis]

Reviewing poetry is real tricky because you don't know if this is just pure talent or a cry for help...so I will tell you this your poetry is deep. Your words seem sincere and makes me wanna reach out to you. Was that the intent? Its poetry. Lots fine lines. I've felt this way. Didn't want to die but certainly didn't want to live. I know this feeling all to well. It makes me question well being of the author. I'm hoping it's talent that makes me feel this.

[NelliKong]

Thank you for the comment. Maybe its a mixture of both. I appreciate the feedback. Writing tends to be an escape for me.

[Coffee Vampier]

Okay I cannot even begin to comment. You're emotionally connected and a fake smile is damning when that happens for me. It's like being on laughing gas for me. I feel that deeply almost in all my art. I smiled like a doll in my life and I only killed myself doing it. I reclused my life to learn who I was now I smile when I want to. Stupid. People don't understand trying to connect with a smile they tend to walk away and the fact they teach us to smile because it's welcoming I learned clearly within self people want to see what they want. So I learned to give them what I want.

Tired of people saying Im overreacting

They killed me as a child with this part, drama queen. It's like fire in my blood. I wanted acting and negating this logic of difference is hell.

superman is one of my favorites songs

[NelliKong]

Thank you for this comment. I appreciate your input.

[Coffee Vampier]

Welcome to writers cafe- commenting is a fond part of my life. I actually couldn't finish reviewing for the first time. I was a top writer here with London. I had to let you know about London. It's a thing here. Being here is kinda like having a family that you never knew. The people on earth don't give a f at this point to me except for the ones who listen when they read here. People don't find this place without leaving their mark.

[Chris]

I think we each "face" as best we can at any given moment. Events overtake and overwhelm each of us in their own way. Comes a point when the wearing downright wounds our minds with the constant seeming drain of all the joy in life... Not everyone has an inner well of strength or another person to fall back upon these days.

This poem drew my focus to others - away from me. My own trials" of late held me so tightly I felt broken and lost. This brought an understanding that regardless of circumstance - I am not alone nor am facing what others haven't faced before. I continue to reach outward - albeit a little more slowly, but I reach.

[NelliKong]

Thank you for this comment I appreciate it.

[Ballpark Frank]

Well done! I especially like the line about taking things one day at a time.

This flowed. Keep writing. I know it makes me feel better personally.

[NelliKong]

Thank you. I appreciate the comment.