Who I Am Because You Left

For the contest 'Poetry with Meaning'.

I took the time to read everything you wrote that day;

I can’t believe I let myself waste my time.

I took the time to find all of your old stuff and put it away;

I can’t believe I fell in step with your rhyme.

 

People think that life is love and love is life;

but you’ve proven to me that this is false.

People say I should move on from the pain of a dearly departed;

but I’m so out of my mind I’m still dancing your detestable waltz.

 

You left me.

You left me.

You left me.

And you made it my job to keep on living.

You made it my job to get up in the morning,

force my legs to move,

lift my head up high,

drink the coffee which bitterness I never really liked,

            (bitter like my heart which is saturated over the unfairness of-)

listen to the radio as if I care what’s going on in the world right now,

            (unnecessary jabber like the noise that came from your mouth that poisoned me into-)

have a job and have a life when all I want to do was sit down and cry.

            (losing you. loving you.)

 

You destroyed me.

You destroyed me.

You destroyed me.

And you told me love was worth the gamble.

You told me Russian Roulette when you’re just gambling your heart is easy,

that the heart was replaceable with the passion of a kiss,

that your sweet nothings would save me,

that your daring dark eyes would keep me safe on this fiercely rocking boat,

            (but you’ve always been one for taking chances, always making me-)

that no matter what it looked like, it was not a game to you,

            (but you swallowed your own lies, and that’s when I-)

take a spin and see who wins.

            (love you. lost you.)

 

I hate the past tense.

I hate the past tense.

I hate the past tense.

Because if it applied to the word ‘love’ it would be fine,

but instead I’m sitting here, missing you, knowing that I lost you.

            (That you’re not coming back.)

instead I’m sitting here, hating you, knowing that I love you.

            (That my heart’s not coming back.)

Author's Note

I still can't decide of the lover is dead or just dead inside her. I suppose it doesn't matter either way - the outcome is the same.
(c) Neko Green, 2010

Edit: Took away the 'are you happy now's by suggestion of a commenter. You're right, they don't really flow with the rest of it. Thank you.

Reviews

[Jeweliet]

i like the structure of this poem, it really echoes her feelings. i think, as it's been said, it sounds more like physical death, and she is going through the various processes of grieving. either way it really represents the pain she feels at losing him, good write :)

[Hamkar]

I like it so much! I find I usually skip over love and uninteresting pieces (I get distracted easily) but this caught and held my attention well. You got some feeling through to the reader and it is flowing to read. Thanks for letting me read it.

[alesuriko]

It does come out the same way... I read it as more physically dead rather than mentally. I really enjoyed this one. Normally I hate bitter "lost a loved one" poetry... but this was really well done. The structure of the ending of your larger stanzas were a creative writing method that really enhanced this poem. You can really hear and feel the bitterness at still loving this lover. I don't at all like the repetition at the beginning, however, it just felt unnecessary. But the rest of the poem was wonderful, I really love it. Well done.

[chaffy]

i hope the out come of things become better, the write was beautiful.. and sad.. sounds like a song.. good job!:)