In The Place Of Your Name

Kissing karma under the secret moon

I believe I'll call this place your name

Carve a monument in stone 

But the king was not pleased

Eyes burning 

Like the cigarette in my fingers

Long as spun straw 

The court fell silent

All empty plates waiting to be filled 

Destroy it

Make it an epitaph

Erase it from time 

They screamed 

A monument carved in stone

In a place of your name

It took their indignant words

Their drum beating fists 

And endured 

Now I set ageing 

A grape on the vine 

The great wheel spins

In this place of your name 

Reviews

[Manu]

Deep, thoughtful and very interesting write.
A powerful poem.
These are my favorite lines:
Destroy it
Make it an epitaph
Erase it from time
They screamed

Just those memories and carved stones will be there no matter how you lived and survived. Everything will disappear and only fragrance will be left for us to ponder and contemplate.

[Neal S]

Thank you for the review :)

[Papaya]

Erasing or tearing down things, burning books or photos, whatever... It can't change history, it can't change attitude, it can't change feeling. Though not always visible, truth is there.

[Neal S]

Indeed! Thanks for the review Papaya!

[Ken Simm.]

This is one to take time exploring and /I intend doing just that. Multi layered, complex and interesting. Just the way I like them.

[Neal S]

Thank you Ken.

[Lorry]

Firstly, I love the title and how your words were spun from it, taking the reader on a journey of what that person meant to you and the reaction of the court. Perhaps hinting at forbidden love?
This must be how the shah felt when he decided to build the Taj Mahal, in honour of his favoured wife. Although to be fair, we haven't all got that kind of cash available, so we build monuments in words, which as always, you have built to perfection, in that place of their name.

[Neal S]

Always kind. Thank you Sir!

[Einstein Noodle]

i love this!! i have kissed Karma (with a "c") only on the cheek .. such positive exuberance she held ;) and oh the monoliths we raise in exultation of all things .. many religions see sex as a possible spiritual thing but none exploit it like the Karma Sutra .. i must remark on your closing .. though aging...that grape is still on the vine .. and has the whole "raison d'etre" stage to experience yet ;)yuk yuk yuk :) i may be waaaaay off your mark but had fun and enjoyed your fantasy frolic through the kings realm ..especially enjoy the mythic qualities of carved stone and drums beating
E.

[Neal S]

Right. The grape on the vine was just my short way of saying "going through a process." I'm glad you enjoyed the piece!

[FIN]

I am always so baffled at the end of your poems; I never know what to say: "good job, great work, well-written." Always leaving my tongue yet never capturing the true essence of your poetry and how it evokes such imagery through the dance with words.

You're well gifted at the craft of story-telling, my friend.

Kudos to you.

P.S.

I loved this piece.
It took me to a world beyond, as I witnessed the events taking place, as if I was there; as if I, was that man who etched her name in stone. Strong emotions.

[Neal S]

Thank you Sir!

[Michael X]

So deep, so drawn, this poem has a focus that is powerful, Well done!

[Neal S]

Thank you Sir. Glad you enjoyed it.

[Valentine]

Just a place with her name but not her...how sad. Valentine

[Neal S]

Thanks for taking the time to read it :)

[andrew mitchell]

An intriguing write, having a powerful delivery only to lament at the end, leaving one pondering. So enjoyed this piece.

[Neal S]

Glad you did Andrew. Thanks

[Kestrova]

I enjoyed this poem, but the fourth stanza in particular. I'll definitely be reading more of your poetry!

[Neal S]

Thank you so much!