Finger to the Sky

The snow fell like a windmill that night

Round and round

We huddled by the gleaming graffiti fire

Like crows singing cycles round a corpse 

Only to find our souls frozen on the line

Crouching in the dark

A mass inverted consciousness 

Fading fast beyond my finger to the sky

Reviews

[FIN]

It is a beautifully written poem, which captures the essence of a chilling night surrounding a fire wondrously, while evolving into something more philosophical. With that said: I don't quite understand the metaphor "graffiti fire"

Great poetry, by the way.
I can learn a lot from you.

[Neal S]

I called it a graffiti fire because I viewed the fire in a wilderness setting as something that's not really supposed to be there. It destroy's. Kind of like graffiti on a wall. Its not supposed to be there but it can end up being beautiful.

[emmajoy]

'Like crows singing cycles round a corpse .. ' Why do i think of those moaning black-robed women in Greek tragedies ?!

I gazed and gazed at the mind painting your poem's created, but decided - rightly or wrongly, that you were in a limbo of your own making - maybe play-acting. BUT second reading made me think of a mysterious audience and were caught off.guard by its voyeurism?

[Neal S]

Interesting visuals. Appreciate the reading Emma.

[emmajoy]

You're welcome

[aLittlePain]

its got a faded vibe...ha. I don't know just screams freezing your a*s off around a fire while wasted and contemplating. Was the finger raising enlightenment...lol I don't know. Dig the scene you created though. Sorry it only took my a whole day to finally get here. Chur (Māori version of cheers) bruv. R xo

[Neal S]

The finger raising was not looking for enlightenment. It was that infamous f/u gesture.

[aLittlePain]

Of course it was. Sweet

[Darian B.]

I love this piece, the way it is vague yet understandable. I have read the other reviews and so I kinda understand the background to this piece but I love how it can be interpreted in many different ways. It is a very clever poem with loads of good metaphors, my favorite type!

[Neal S]

Thank you Sir!

[andrew mitchell]

An interesting mysterious write for me, open to interpretation which i think is very clever.
I felt the vibe of being oblivious to the outside world, then suddenly realising one is not alone in the dark and pointing to the sky for guidance or following the outline of smoke being the rising of souls escaping to the heavens. it was very good anyway.

[Neal S]

Thanks Andrew!

[Lorry]

Sounds to me like someone had a good time spoiled. Sincerely hope reading this before I crash for the night is not an omen, I'm off up North tomorrow for a couple days walking and climbing. I'll print this out, just in case I need to follow the instructions :)
Damn, that just gave me an awesome idea to leave poems at the highest places I visit, for maybe someone to find one day. Yours may be the first :)

[Neal S]

That would be so badass!! I would be honored!

[Lorry]

I'll see what I can do :)

[Paul Bell]

I don't know if that finger to the sky was one of contempt.
The rest drew me right in.

[Neal S]

I've had this question several times now. This may be one I need to do a explanation for. I rather the reader take from this whatever they wish. But I think people are wanting to know what I meant by this. The finger to the sky is kind of a f/u to whatever is up there or out there. Some friends of mine and I were on a camp out where the weather changed very suddenly. We were all huddled around a fire freezing to death..So this came from that. Thanks for taking the time Paul to read it.

[Paul Bell]

Yeah i can relate to that.

[Asante]

This was extremely vivid! You do that very well; you paint one helluva scene with your work. Great job, bro!

[Neal S]

Thanks man. I really appreciate the review!

[Asante]

Always a pleasure!

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Neal S,
picturesque. Warmth and glow bringing a circle of people together within the dark night. Very good picture! Kathy

[Neal S]

Thank you Kathy. And thank you for taking the time to read it.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Neal S. I am not so sure I intepreted this piece correctly. What might of been your center of creation on this one as it seems like maybe a stronger or more harsh meaning? Anyway hope that's ok that I ask.

[Neal S]

I enjoy hearing anyone's view on what they take from one of my poems..If the warmth and a picturesque setting is what you got from the reading, then i'm honored that you got any feeling at all. I would never tell someone that a feeling they got was wrong or no, this is what it means. Scroll down just a bit if you don't mind to Papaya's review and I explain kind of where this came from and what I meant by it..Thanks Kathy :)

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Neal S,
Okay that explains a lot. Had a feeling their was more going on here. Oh I find expression within anything challenging to be really empowering. Very cool!...............Kathy

[Hebe]

brrr sounds too cold for me...but I like it, it feels extreme 'a mass inverted consciousness ' great discription of where everyone's thoughts are heading!!

[Neal S]

Thank you Hebe.