Dawn

Throw away the map to your soul

The weeping lines on your face to guide me

I will walk among your gardens 

Watching the flowers grow 

Waiting for your laughter to bring the dawn

Reviews

[costa siwale]

soothing piece of poetry my friend, simply eloquent.

[Neal S]

Thank you for taking the time to read it.

[Papaya]

Gentlem smooth, romantic with a touch of innocence. Lovely vibes here.

[Neal S]

Thank you Ana!

[Papaya]

You're welcome. :)

[ReedWrite]

What a beautiful, simple, poignant piece. Wow!

[Neal S]

Thank you so much..

[Anjali]

Love the poem Neal.... its amazing just how you could express it in such a short, sweet and gentle manner. :)

[Neal S]

Thank you so much for the review. Very kind of you to say Anjali.

[aLittlePain]

There's a gentle intimacy here...y'all got some romantic flow here ;) beautifully poetic. R xo

[Neal S]

Thank ya ma'ma.

[Kelly Scheppers]

...its beautiful, and poetic...expressed with a brevity of words, which is pretty much my cup of tea!

[Neal S]

I'm glad you like it. Iv'e had some great feedback on this one. Very kind.

[Abhishekizy]

I always believe 'dawn' and 'dusk' are very powerful elements because they themselves are so half attained and mysterious. They deploy a powerful change...

You tend to put in some really compulsive thought in few lines. Love it

Thank you

[Neal S]

Thank you for taking the time.

[Ken Simm.]

Although this I feel has autobiographical element it seems to hit each individual reader it a number of places. That is the hallmark of good poetry.

[Neal S]

Thank you Ken. And Thank you for stopping in.

[Vria P Crow]

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Dawn brings sweet tidings and the poem accurately depicts this.

CONTENT AND FORMAT

The first line was deliciously simple. I think our biggest mistake would be trying to understand a person to an excessive level. Intimacy takes time and it does not take words to explain who you are. I read this as the speaker inviting someone into his or her life; they enjoyed the other person's company, staying in the moment. There was an extended metaphor with the image "garden." Like people, vegetation grows over time.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Overall, I agree with the message of "Dawn." You cannot rush it with a "map." I like the idea of venturing somewhere without direction. Thank you for sharing!

sincerely,
ria

[Neal S]

And thank you for stopping in. :)

[Vria P Crow]

You are quite welcome! :D Welcome to WritersCafe by the way! It is always refreshing to see new blood with talent.

[Neal S]

Thank you Ria for such a positive welcome. The community here is just outstanding.

[Vria P Crow]

Not a problem. Just beware of immature trolls on here. :P For the most part, the writers on here are wonderful. I am happy you are enjoying it. :) Happy writing to you!

[Neal S]

Thank you ma'am!

[Valentine]

Reading this I saw my mother, old, in her flower gardens, always ready with a joke or a smile. Thank you so much for bringing her to mind. Valentine

[Neal S]

What lovely memories. You're most welcome Valentine