What If ?

This is a free verse poem about how men in the 1800s never gave women equal rights . They thought most women were just pretty faces with no wisdom .

I didn't have the bottle to confront her

what kept me away was what they said about her

" She's just a witless beauty

nothing unparalleled "

But what if she wasn't who they said she was 

What if she was a lot more than that

What if she was an enormous berg of which only a bantam part we see floating

the profoundness hidden deep underneath

What if she was a velvet drape? 

a little effort to open it and sunshine will fall upon your face

What if she was an oyster 

all uneven from outside but within you'll discover a recherche pearl 

What if she was a classic melancholy love song?

arcane to some but not to those whose hearts have once ached

What if she was a door ajar

a little peek and we'll see the mind full of wisdom to which it opened

Or what if she was already an open book with no secrets

you just need to read to know the full story

What if she wasn't a swimmer but the water

What if she wasn't a ray of sunlight but the whole sun

What if she was not a beautiful cover but a clandestine novel 

What if she wasn't a painting but the painter who created it all

What if she wasn't what they said she was 

What if she was a lot more than that

maybe she knew what she had was rare?

If that was so ,why would she care ?

Reviews

[Adam Weems]

I love the concept, considering that i also believe women weren't perceived as people, but objects. my only advice is to try not to sound super repetitive, do what you did with the first few stanzas and give it that depth and power you had at the beginning, otherwise i enjoyed it! keep it up

[Nikki]

'What if'I call u a superb imaginator?

[neeyati shah]

haha ... thank you nikki.

[Bear]

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A very smart and thought provoking work of literature. I do have a question, why did you change you presentation style part way through? This is just my feelings but all the whats ifs at this point in your poem changed the flow when you could have easily kept the same presentation style
What if she wasn't a swimmer
because she was the ocean
What if she wasn't a ray of sunlight
because she was the scorching sun
What if she was not a beautiful cover
because she was an abstruse novel

I really like the topic and your wording choices which adds to the intelligence. I look forward to reading your future poems and follow your experiments with form, fashion and genera :~) Bravo! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[neeyati shah]

this means a lot to me

[Patrick Ramsey]

Wonderful concepts! I'm not sure what "bottle" is in the first line. That's confusing. I love your comparisons in the second half of the poem. They speak powerfully. I think maybe the poem would be even more powerful if it was spaced differently - broken up some. Also, I wonder if a question mark in the title would make the question more bold when being asked, even it being in the title. The last three lines are powerful. If it was me, I might see what they looked like separated out. You say, "What if she was a lot more than that" twice. It's a theme, but it doesn't stand out as much as it could.

Love your ideas, but I think slightly different formatting might bring them out more.

[neeyati shah]

thank you so much and bottle means courage

[neeyati shah]

i appreciate the tips and it would be really helpful if you could tell me how it should be spaced.

[Patrick Ramsey]

I didn't have the bottle to confront her
what kept me away was what they said about her
"I bet she's just a witless beauty without a brain
nothing unparallel "

But what if she wasn't who they told she was?
What if she was a lot more than that?

What if she was a ginormous berg whose only a bantam part we see floating
the profoundness hidden deep under
What if she was a velvet drape
a little effort to open it and the sunshine will fall upon your glowing face
What if she was an oyster
all unsmooth from outside but within you'll discover a recherche pearl?
What if she was a classic melancholy love song
recondite to some but not to those whose hearts have once ached
What if all we saw was an ajar door
a little peek and we'll see the library full of wisdom to which it led
Or what if she was already an open book with no secrets
you just need to flip the pages to know the entire story?

What if she wasn't a swimmer
What if she was the ocean
What if she wasn't a ray of sunlight
What if she was the scorching sun
What if she was not a beautiful cover
What if she was an abstruse novel
What if she wasn't a painting hanging on the wall
What if she was the painter making them all

What if she wasn't who they told she was?
What if she was a lot more than that?

Maybe she knew what she had was rare
So why on earth would she care ?


I don't know if you like that or not, but that's what I did when playing around with it. I also made the two indented stanzas italics. Have fun with whatever you come up with :-)

[Patrick Ramsey]

oops...it didn't do the indents. I thought that indenting "What if she wasn't who they told she was? What if she was a lot more than that" and putting them in italics made them stand out more.

[neeyati shah]

thank you so much for doing this :)

[Patrick Ramsey]

You're very welcome.

[AcasualPawn]

You should not believe people's talk.
You don't have right to judge people.
& a cover can't show quality of books.
As a poet you expressed your message by your poetry. Its good poem..

But you should add one possibility

What if she was lonely
Lonely like an unsolved puzzle,
Waiting for someone to approach her,
Without fear how hard people's talk made it.....

[neeyati shah]

thank you so much.