Getting Older, Thinner, Crazier

Getting Older, Thinner, Crazier

A Chapter by violetta york / nicki elle

As time went on, I went from a near one-sixty pounds to about ninety pounds. I stopped eating, and kept puking. I would vomit when I didn't even eat. I would do it in the shower, by removing the hair-catcher (which mom got really pissed about) or in the bathroom. I even did it in plastic Jewel-Osco bags, considering I moved into the basement after Cara and Maddie moved out. I didn't feel good about myself on the inside, I felt good about my appearance though. My teeth were falling apart though, and my parents weren't too happy about having to buy me all-new clothes. Not only did I like myself better, my dad never called me fat. Instead he would attack B now, as she approached 11 and I was 13, she was chubby. Every time we were out in public he would call her fat, or tell her she was going to look like a "bigger" woman. I felt as if it was some type of abuse in itself. I sensed one day she would contradict what I had been doing; puking and starving. I was right.
At school, girls started to envy me and boys started to love me. I was a solid 5'3'', and very thin. I still wore a wig even though my hair was growing back, it was a dirty-blonde short wig. I had the greenest eyes you've ever seen, and I always piled my face with eyeliner, blush, eye shadow and bronzer; considering I didn't have eyelashes or eyebrows for mascara or anything else. I always thought I was ugly though. I never thought a single good thing about myself, and thats why I would voluntarily give myself to boys. The first boy I'd ever had sex with was named Max Trench; a tall 6'3, slender, acne, and glasses. He was decent, and when we did "it", I could have swore he was more nervous then me. I realized nothing else made me feel more pretty than sex. After a week, I grew tired of Max and dumped him; a day later to have a new boyfriend. Boyfriends were regular for me, I was never single. Most of them used me, but I didn't mind. Like I said; sex made me feel pretty, unstoppable, it was like a drug. Not that I wasn't on drugs most of the time anyways; I spent a lot of time making homemade bongs with water bottles and walking to the deepest ghettos to get drugs from a tall, black man named Denziel. 
I started off light, only smoking pot once or twice with a few friends; if I had any friends left. Most of my friends hated me, especially my best friend since I was 6, Alyssa. I always thought "I don't need her," but I did. I couldn't admit my loss. 
Drugs, sex, puking, etc all became more and more of a thing. At a party with another boyfriend, I snorted my first line of coke. I was drunk at the time, luckily I survived. Life got worse and worse from this point. I never was in a steady relationship; and my family life got worse. Cara, Maddie and Sophia all moved out, leaving me and B to get the beatings. Dad never laid a hand on Mason; probably because Mason sat inside without a friend in site playing video games, and because he never did anything wrong. B didn't do anything wrong either, but I on the other hand, always did something wrong. I always wondered what I did to deserve this life. Life sucks, but is it that way for everyone? 


© 2012 violetta york / nicki elle


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DrD
Okay Nicole, you lure us into this story and we have to wonder what happens to this person you deal with in first person. (Why do so many write in first person when it's the most difficult form?) I was not satisfied with not knowing why she didn't have hair or eyebrows. Maybe I'm out of touch with something but then a lot of other readers would be too. I question the repetition of "though" in connecting phrases "I felt good about my appearance though. My teeth were falling apart though . . . ." The writing flows nicely but would be a bit more colorful with the addition of a small amount of dialogue. This could lead into something very interesting and when it does, I will be one of the first to read it.

Posted 12 Years Ago


violetta york / nicki elle

12 Years Ago

In the second chaper, "Tattletale", I explain why she doesnt have hair or eyebrows/eyelashes, becaus.. read more

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Added on November 11, 2012
Last Updated on November 11, 2012


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violetta york / nicki elle
violetta york / nicki elle

chicago, IL



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sun ♓ / moon ♐ / rising ♌ young girl in love trying to find my way. instagram: nickiielle tumblr: petaleyes.tumblr.com more..

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