Harmless

A Story by Maria

my opinions on self harm

i just found out one of my close friends cuts, and thought of this (it has nothing to do with her specifically).

i haven't uploaded and work in a long time, because i stopped writing 'poems'. instead, i pretty much just rant about my feelings on a blog haha. i want to put this up so i can look back on it. here you go:

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you know what’s really annoying? if you want people to care, you broadcast the fact that you cut. you slyly show it off, let people see, in the hopes that they could be your savior. you know your friends know, and it’s almost a game to see what they do about it. you’re stubborn, and say it’s nothing, but then, secretly, you hope that they’ll be persistent with it, it gives you satisfaction, and a feeling that you’re needed, wanted. that they care. but there’ll always be the skeptics --- “she has no reason to cut, her life is perfect, so many others have it worse, she’s just doing it for attention, pathetic”

and then there’s the people that hide their cuts. everyone thinks they’re perfectly happy. no one knows and no one cares. they sit there wishing, everyday, that someone will ask if they’re ok. but of course, everyone will already think they have no problems at all, why ask? “why would you whinge or even complain the slightest about your daily problems, when so and so has it so much worse --- she cuts.” is this the message we want to send --- that people only care if you cut? these people, continuously living a understated, under appreciated life, are again classed underneath someone else --- the cutters. they continue to bottle their problems and emotions in, believing that their problems are obviously of lesser importance than so and so’s problems, as she cuts. but are they?

cuts --- i’m not sure what i’d rather have them be; a desperate cry for help, along with all the criticism and scandal that goes with it. or, a silent plea that someone, somewhere, will care, regardless of whether you deserve it --- it’s useless.

and now, whether i like it or not, cutting is the new trend, and everyone seems to be in style, secretly, or not so. it’s so generic that the very idea of it seems off putting now, as ironic as that it. self harm is so typical it’s surprising if people don’t cut. it’s so mainstream that there’s a genre of blogs on tumblr for the very purpose of dwelling in one’s self loathing, pity and depression, and i honestly don’t know what to think of this.

and you know what’s the worse thing? it’s that even with all this going on, people still don’t care.