Teacher of love

I'm amazed at what Ive witnessed,
a reflection that pictures
a liar, fake, and manipulating woman that's
truly convicted of...
Love and it's possession
My obsession,
Led to the reasons of my actions and countless days of dissatisfaction...

I...
wanted your heart , mind, and thoughts to be of me,
Yet, selfish I was to be,
Not caring about your needs; which was to be away from me....

I....
Knew that you loved what you see,
and would sacrifice for me,
because you valued the friendship completely..

Yet I ...
played with the truth, and the idea consciously ,
and planted a seed, that this woman is in need,
of...
growth, direction, fulfillment and security....

We argued and fought,
Both bound by a chain, that we call love,
that was and had become counterfeit...
and still f**k because it was a fix.

My pride overcame my sense of clarity..
That there was another woman who had, your heart..
and I was becoming that dart

A choice had to be made... not only for me,
but for the seed that was growing inside this stomach...
we had to part

Embarrassed by my guilt,
I wanted to leave, but you had foreseen,
what that decision would have left me....

A woman scorn of her own mentality..


At that time , death seemed like an easy route.
Needless to say cancer, was my first class ticket on the way out.

So, I asked God in prayer,
take this guilt and the need to love away from me,
so that I can see,
Where Im suppose to be ..
And Love me  and others freely..