Loveboro

It's like a wisp of smoke 
     Whispered feelings feeding into each breathe
             With every inhale, your soul is clearer
        With every exhale, the end is nearer
             
            
          You're like a wisp of smoke
 Appearing so suddenly
       But in the blink of a blink,
 you've become a spiritual casualty

                                        
 I'm like a wisp of smoke

Enticing to your cranium
A match to spark your sentiments
Then I'm flicked into oblivion
Like a wisp of smoke
I mean it when say I love you
Until those words
become the cracks in the cement I fall through

Reviews

[Jamie]

Amazing poem! Such a good read :)

[Sami Khalil]

Three amazing stanzas. The title was extraordinary. You sparkle even in your sentiments. Bravo...........

[wordman]

a great story of love and nature only a wisp of smoke maybe we accomplished something

[Anna Blackburn]

I really enjoyed this! The repetition really connected each thought which is the purpose I presume. I look forward to reading more of your writing. ;)

[Nebunova]

yes that was the intention, thank you for your kind words anna :)

[Pryde Foltz]

You're like a wisp of smoke
Appearing so suddenly
But in the blink of a blink,
you've become a spiritual casualty


A really wonderful work, Nebunova.

[Nebunova]

Thank you :)

[TL Boehm]

until those words become the cracks in the cement I fall through. very powerful write.

[Nebunova]

much appreciated TL Boehm :)

[redflutterby]

Love the first stanza....the entire poem is soft, almost like a whisper. Very good work!

[Nebunova]

thank you redflutterby :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Cigarettes and love. Old days were a complete pair. Nice to share a cigarette with a woman in a warm bed. I like your use of words. Create good place, thoughts and vision. Nice closure to the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Nebunova]

thank you coyote, much appreciated :)

[kublakhan27]

You've worked the smoke metaphor to perfection, especially in that first stanza with the 'inhale' and 'exhale' images, which are vivid and unique, and you even managed to work in a clever rhyme :) Painfully bittersweet in mood, which also make smoke the perfect candidate for love's fleeting nature...awesome work, I enjoyed and related to this one very much :)

[Nebunova]

Yes, my thoughts exactly! thank you so much!

[kublakhan27]

You're very welcome :)

[Leslie Philibert]

An excellent, unuusal poem that I like,you move away from emotions with fine observations, or to put it a lot better, you transport emotion with a original extended metaphor that fits and fits..great job.

[Nebunova]

thank you Leslie! Appreciate your words :)