Such a fool..

No one understand me,

No one knows my secrets,

No one ever sees,

The pain behind my eyes.

No one knows the story,

No one knows why,

No one dares ask,

Why i sit and cry.

He's told me that he loved me,

That i was his whole world,

I was so blinded that i couldn't see,

It was all a web of lies.

He's the reason i sit and cry,

He's the reason i die inside,

He's the reason that i try,

To believe it was all a dream.

He broke my heart,

He threw it away,

He let it fall apart,

But from this day forward im gonna try,

To mend it part by part.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading this and i would just like to say that this is a first draft and any tips would be brilliant thank you.

Reviews

[Emma Moody]

yea you could lucy you know you could:)

[Lucy Lou :)]

THIS IS AMAZING! I COULD NVER WRITE ANYTHING AS GOOD AS THIS!!!

[kerry sweeney]

brill emma xxxxxxx really goood xxx

[Vanesa Markovic]

Aurora has said it all, I believe.
The emotion behind your words, I do enjoy.
We have all taken this dance, and never is it anything
but a slight death of the heart.
Best of luck!

[Sujash I. Purna]

nice poetry here. the emotions seemed overwhelming over the lines yet as a young writer you did it well :)

[Aurora Lynn]

I liked the subject that you wrote about. It connects directly to the listener, which is really good. No one can really know everything about you, so your reader will definately relate to the poem.

As for tips, I would suggest that you try to cut out the chattspeak. I know that it is a first draft, and some typos are expected. But chattspeak can turn away many readers from your story. Here are some typos that I found.

In line eight, change 'i' to 'I'.
In line ten, change 'i' to 'I'.
In line eleven, change 'i' to 'I'.
In line thirteen, change 'i' to 'I'.
In line fourteen, change 'i' to 'I'.
In line fifteen, change 'i' to 'I'.
In line twent, change 'im' to 'I'm'.

These are little errors, changes that can be easily made. Other than that I thought this poem wasy very good. The poem flowed from one line to another very well, almost seemlessly. Very well done.
~Aurora

[∂αʌ<..]

no tips required!
this is magnificent...flow is smooth and nice!
keep on like that!