dependence

My dependence makes me feeble

I am becoming unable

I try my level best to be meek

I try my best to show I am sleek

         Want to be independent…………………..

I am a liability

Want to turn to   productivity

I don’t like to be dependent

                 Want to be independent………………………

Sometimes I fret

My dependence would turn into dread

Would I be left lamenting?

No! I don’t want to end in ruining

         Want to be independent…….

Somebody give me a way

To shine in the gay

Somebody give me a way to prove myself

Just to be someone called “me self”

      Want to be independent……….

 

 

 

Reviews

[Destined for Boring]

Ahh, yes, the struggle between independence and dependence.

It is one thing in the USA that is of confusion what these words actually mean in a deeper sense. Although we may live on our own does not entirely make us independent as in society, we depend on each other for work, laughter, etc.

We may independently sleep alone but the world is full of people and the word independent has become an illusion.

I loved your poem. Think you did a great job unleashing what was inside of you! I totally understand it.

[Chris McGrath]

I sense that you are struggling to force your feelings into classical form, style and meter. The essence I read in this work is that you are straining against the very things into which you are trying to fit.

I hear your desperation in your cries for independence. You can let them flow in unstructured musings or try to force fit them into the rigidity of rhyme and meter.

My suggestion is to let your sentiments flow freely. Get them out onto paper. See if you feel they might fit into poetic form and shape them accordingly. Poetry is more about saying a lot with fewer words that are more meaningful or impactful to the reader.

That having been said, you succeeded in making me feel your pain of dependence. Keep writing.

[Christopher Robin]

Naysan as much as i would love to correct every single one of your pieces sadly I cannot. There are so many language and cadence issues here, rhymes that don't follow, stanzas that have varying lines. Some lines don't make sense at all - "To shine in the gay"? in the context of this poem this makes no grammatical sense. maybe you meant to just say 'day' ? I'm not sure. There will always be that language barrier Naysan, but the more you practice and the more you read, the smaller that barrier will become, keep trying, keep reading, you will get there!

-Robin

[Lauriegirl]

So simply:yet beautifully expressed. I loved it!

[Naysan arif]

thank you :)...

[John Anderson]

Besides being brilliant, this poem is deeply moving.