Texas Heat

Miniscule glimmers of light peak through the blinds

Alerting you that Helios has dawned his chariot on another day

Maybe all those unfinished files won’t mind

As you bury your face tempted to stay

 

You jerk the comforter to your chin savoring the cool air in final protest

A frigid breeze circulates and caresses you from the fan above

Craving only a few moments more of uninterrupted rest

But reluctantly you kick out your legs giving the blanket one last shove

 

Dressed in your work day best and well caffeinated

Primed to face the day outside your air conditioned cocoon

Telling yourself you’re used to it might be a tad fabricated

You keep thinking that you’re close to being immune

 

Finally you bring yourself to swing open the door

You struggle to take the first inhale

As stifling heat invades every pore

Feeling as if the hand of Heracles is pressing a barbell there

 

Begrudgingly you trudge across the blistering blacktop

Cerberus’s scorching breathe slams across your cheek

His hellhound kisses carry the stench of burnt asphalt

Strangely you consider you’ve journeyed to the underneath

 

Your limbs feel heavy with each step like waking from coma

As the sun prickles and scalds your delicate canvas

You wonder if you’re adequately protected against melanoma

Feeling the day is ablaze with Phaeton’s boundless madness

 

With haste you seek the comfort of your car

Impatient for the air to offer a temporary retreat

You begin to think you’re not cut out for this Lonestar

And maybe you’ll never get used to this Texas heat

Reviews

[Christopher Robin]

This is quite a talented write. It lacks perfection which for some reason smells like the result of self-doubt. You start with ABAB couplets so perfectly (even if one or two lines are off-cadence by a syllable) that it seems so natural to you. Obviously the fall away in the 4th,5th,6th stanzas is deliberate, but I cannot for the life of me think why, the right words are there you're just not putting them together. Did you not feel like you could find the right couplets to express your meaning? Or perhaps you simply wanted to avoid the monotony of falling into a complete ABAB set. What if you removed two lines from the 4th 5th and 6th (as a whole) and replaced them with two quintains? It breaks the poetry up then the final nail in the coffin of perfection is the return to the ABAB at the end.

There's a great and powerful mind behind these words, and weaving mythology with poetry is rarely so effortlessly done. With these followers and reviews you know you can do well. I know you can do even better and I'd love to see you deliberate over something until it boiled to perfection. The words don't always come easily trust me I know, but the reward for getting there is beyond comparison. Set aside your fears, you have the talent, I can't wait to see what happens next...

-Robin

[NMH]

Thank you for your review. I agree with what you've said. It was one of those where I felt like I was straining a bit in the middle, maybe self-doubt or maybe I needed to walk away from it for awhile. I feel like I stared at it too long. I'm mostly satisfied with it, though I agree it's not perfect. Thank you again.

[Christopher Robin]

Poetry is a strange art like that. Sometimes we have a spark of imagination and within a few minutes there's a piece sitting before us. Others we labor over for weeks, months even just to make sure every word is in its right place. It takes great and profound patience to pursue perfection, yet I can see it in you. If taking a break is what you need, do it, if writing it 5 different ways helps, do that too! We all have our own means to achieve our ends. I would just hate to see you work suffer from self doubt when there's so much raw talent right there. Best of luck for the next!

-Robin

[Briana O'Connor]

I love the theme of this poem. It brings a very riveting perspective into the eye of the beholder. The expression in each line reeks of disgusted anticipation of the day ahead. You portrayed those emotions in a way that was quite unique and almost humorous. As the lines ran down the page I found the flow growing less and less concrete. The rhythm seemed to rock back and forth, making it hard to keep up with the depth of the impact. Sometimes reading a piece out loud helps me to really dissect the way my words jump off the page to others. Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work.

[NMH]

Thank you.

[Cory Barrett]

if you ever struggle with what you are trying to say... always best to put it into words that you can understand.

[NMH]

That is usually the approach I like to take. Even then it can be difficult to put the words in the right place.

[TL Boehm]

I love the swelter and stew of this piece, the juxtaposition of Oh Lord it's too hot - that's the surface reality - to the brain bake I either picked up on or superimposed over the words - I am an accountant by trade and live in NM - there is heat and then there is the burn of the daily grind - and the wonderful mythology - liked that too.
Well done.

[NMH]

Thank you. I work in insurance so there is definitely a hint of what you're talking about.

[Bill O. Writes]

Never been in Texas before but after reading this, it gave me a good idea of what it's like. I think I'll stay in freezing CT, lol.

[NMH]

Thanks. Its not all bad. I've lived in colder climate and I actually prefer Texas even with the heat.

[R Smith]

maybe you'll never get used to this Texas heat but you will always write a great poem, no worries, you say you struggled but you definitely succeeded, great write.

[NMH]

Thank you.

[Shadow Paradox]

Awesome!!! Seriously! Mythology mixed with reality of everyday struggles is genius. Loved this so much. The first line had me hooked and each line got better and better and I couldn't stop smiling. You are an awesome creative writer with a genius twist. Continue to spill your ink heart because you have something special inside your soul :) Great piece ~Five star~

[NMH]

So kind of you. Thank you

[Shadow Paradox]

Always welcome!

[Lauriegirl]

This piece is quite intriguing .I like the metaphors in this a whole lot.

[NMH]

Thanks. I appreciate you commenting.

[Matching Socks]

Really enjoyed this piece NMH. well written!
Never been to Texas, probably never will. :)
But I hear it's hot as hell!

[NMH]

Thank you! I don't think anyone ever gets used to the heat here.