So Close, Yet So Far.A Story by nattibabeFriday, December 6, 2013 1:12 AM I saw a picture of you and her today. The pose was casual. All simple smiles with laughing eyes. And as your picture captivated my screen in all its HD glory, I took in all the details one by one. The way your arm draped her shoulder protectively pulling her close. Her feet on tip-toe to meet you half way. The top of her head fitting loosely in the curve of your arm. Even as an outsider looking in I can see the love blossoming and growing between the both of you with one glance. After all it wasn’t too long ago I too was being told our love was as radiant to the strangers that passed us on the street. It’s been months since we’ve talked. The longest we’ve gone in fact. And seeing the both of you together in a pose we once did automatically, I braced myself for the reactions I became accustomed to after all this time. The quickening of my beating heart. The bitter taste of jealousy hot in my throat. That familiar lurch my stomach would get as if at that moment I was being suspended from the worlds tallest building. Emotions that continued to come in waves with such a force I often wondered how I hadn’t yet been crumbled by their path. The emotions of heartbreak my mother once explained them as. And for the first time I felt the strongest and most unexpected emotion of all. An emotion I had unknowingly been longing for since this roller-coaster began all those many months ago.
Nothing. I at that moment felt nothing. No bitterness. No jealousy. No wave of sadness that left my exposed heart feeling raw. Nothing. Surely something must be wrong? Heartbreak wasn’t like a faucet. Powerful and flowing one minuet, absent and bone dry the next. I was more confused then joyous. If I really tried to pinpoint what I was feeling the word that comes to mind is: free. I felt lighter. Almost as if I finally was letting out a breath I had no intention of holding all this time. Emotions I haven’t distinguished with our relationship since the beginning. There was a time I never would have dreamed of being in the place we are now. From young lovers, drunk and intoxicated by the mere aura of the other. To strangers who barely meet eyes in a crowded room. Months ago the light at the end of this tunnel seemed non existent. So far on my horizon the mere distance of it all left me discouraged and exhausted. Now, though I am no where near the end of this journey, that light ahead of me is getting fuller. Expanding and enveloping me little by little. Bright and warm I imagine it representing the survival and closure that I crave to finally put this part of my past behind me for good. I’m almost surprised by it’s arrival, but if I squint there’s no mistaking that it’s there. Growing closer day by day, it’s presence patiently waiting for me to get to the other side. -n.b. © 2013 nattibabeReviews
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