Just a Midnight Thought...

Friday, October 4,2013. 

11:23 PM

I have a theory. I think great people do things when they are ready. And by things, I mean they take chances without the fear of rejection or sheer embarrassment. Me? I envy those people. I would kill to have that positive mindset and attitude. But, if i’m being honest i’m definitely a passive person. I tend to over think everything I do and some could say thats being smart, but looking back maybe i played it too safe? 

I’m 21 and the older I get the more i tend to think my past will haunt me. I want to go crazy and be young and feel alive, but it comes to a point where I have to wonder if the age to do that has passed? College, bills and life in general get in the way and have fogged those distant memories to the point that I think that if I reached back far enough my palm would swipe nothing but empty spaces. Adulthood isn’t over the mountain anymore, but right on my horizon and the panic in me is starting to rise along with it. 

When i think about leaving this place. This place I call home and love/hate all at once, it terrifies me. I could claim i’m ready to pack up and leave my life behind here at a moments notice but I don’t think I am. I don’t think anyone can really be ready for that. This home is all I know and being in the real world exposes that fear inside me reminding me that i’m in over my head. It’s not a dip in the pool of adulthood, but a cannon ball and now that i’m close enough to peak over the diving board into that murky water I realize all the little things that iv let slip by may not be so close to grasp anymore. Those midnight drives to no where, that boy I never kissed, the party I could have lingered at till the sun rose, all things that I assumed I had time to return to are now folded among those empty spaces, forcing me to face the reality that i’m getting older. The older I get the pressure of the world crashing down upon me gets heavier with each breath. Im grasping on to that diving board with white knuckles never letting go, but at some point my grip has to weaken, my eyes must close and i need to take one last breath because 

the water is rising and i must let go and 

fall. 

-n.b.

Reviews

[Vyse Cross]

Not everyone needs to fall, one could always jump off the diving board, maybe even do a trick or two. Water although encompassing, is quite safe to land in. Just make sure it's filtered right, perhaps? I think you got more going for you, and inside you then you think, or maybe feel.

[sayed Mudasir Ali]

The nostalgic feel in this , the regret of the past and those sweet songs of yester years. Autobiographical essay I would say ; however it does relate to everyone on Earth.

[nattibabe]

Thanks for the review!

-n.b.

[Horizons]

Ahh, i can understand that thought cos... sometimes or even mostly me too think in the same way that how the time's been gone and how my childhood's been gone. Time doesn't wait for me, not for you and not even for anybody. As we grow up, responsibilities come on our shoulder and we gradually become Mature. Everybody wants freedom, enjoyment, joyous moments without any kinda rejection or trouble but if worst time doesn't wait then how we can think that our happily moments should stay in our life... those joyous moments also don't wait or don't stay ... but move on... But this write that you've written's very powerful and great to think.

Me too think about it mostly. I liked this piece so right now am just gonna make it my fav. one and gonna keep this brilliant write in my Library. Thanks for putting your time making this nice piece. I don't know what you were thinking at the time of making this piece but i think you were too missing your past moments that's been gone...

Your this write is beautiful & so realistic one as well. You know i think how to convert your feelings of your scented heart into the words... and how to express it to all of us through a story. Nicely constructed and it's well demonstrated with the great theme and background. You even put me again into a situation of thinking on it something like that once again. Believe me it's really an amazing as well as an interesting piece to think, to write and to read as well. Brilliant job!

[nattibabe]

Thank you so much for those kind words! I'm really pleased with the positive feedback i'v been receiving and didn't realize how well everyone would relate and reflect to it. I'v learned that these feelings of doubt are just part of adulthood for any age and it's a worry that's universal among us all. Needless to say knowing that i'm not the only one has made me feel a bit better haha!

Thanks again,
-n.b.

[Antoñyo]

Interesting read, and here, very necessary as there are so many young people...I am not one of them and speaking from experience, yes you do overthink and that's not entirely a bad thing, especially when it comes to the topic at hand. (Of course, I'm reviewing as if this is not fiction so forgive me if it is, but...) As someone older I can tell you that yes, the past can come back to haunt you and even if it's nothing extremely bad publically speaking, privately we mature and develop regrets as we grow and learn who we are. What I mean is for example, at 40, something I did before 20 yrs of age bothered me more than it did when I did it and the next several years combined. At forty, I didn't recognize that nineteen year old, and although it is something only I and God know and will take to my grave, it still bothered me until I made amends...private hauntings are sometimes worse because we grow and looking back, we want to be proud of our lives regardless of who else knows...
Sorry for the ranting,
Great piece well-written, Thanks for sharing

[nattibabe]

Many thanks for the review! I love comments with words of advice and reflection. I appreciate it more than you know :)

cheers!
-n.b.