Just a Midnight Thought...

Friday, October 4,2013. 

11:23 PM

I have a theory. I think great people do things when they are ready. And by things, I mean they take chances without the fear of rejection or sheer embarrassment. Me? I envy those people. I would kill to have that positive mindset and attitude. But, if i’m being honest i’m definitely a passive person. I tend to over think everything I do and some could say thats being smart, but looking back maybe i played it too safe? 

I’m 21 and the older I get the more i tend to think my past will haunt me. I want to go crazy and be young and feel alive, but it comes to a point where I have to wonder if the age to do that has passed? College, bills and life in general get in the way and have fogged those distant memories to the point that I think that if I reached back far enough my palm would swipe nothing but empty spaces. Adulthood isn’t over the mountain anymore, but right on my horizon and the panic in me is starting to rise along with it. 

When i think about leaving this place. This place I call home and love/hate all at once, it terrifies me. I could claim i’m ready to pack up and leave my life behind here at a moments notice but I don’t think I am. I don’t think anyone can really be ready for that. This home is all I know and being in the real world exposes that fear inside me reminding me that i’m in over my head. It’s not a dip in the pool of adulthood, but a cannon ball and now that i’m close enough to peak over the diving board into that murky water I realize all the little things that iv let slip by may not be so close to grasp anymore. Those midnight drives to no where, that boy I never kissed, the party I could have lingered at till the sun rose, all things that I assumed I had time to return to are now folded among those empty spaces, forcing me to face the reality that i’m getting older. The older I get the pressure of the world crashing down upon me gets heavier with each breath. Im grasping on to that diving board with white knuckles never letting go, but at some point my grip has to weaken, my eyes must close and i need to take one last breath because 

the water is rising and i must let go and 

fall. 

-n.b.

Reviews

[ron]

Your never to old to dive in head first with your eyes wide open (or closed if you want). Take the chance, kiss the first boy you see and watch his face light up as you have just made his century. Stay at the party until the sun comes up and know...yes know that you played with the moon and hugged the suns first smile of the day. Take a deep breath and let your self be free to sigh at life and know (quietly if you must) that you are living, if not for just a moment.

Beautiful write about thoughts.

[nattibabe]

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading youe review. Thank you so much for your insight and kind words.

[ron]

You are most welcome.

[Lucien Maier]

Good, you cadence is well done and pulls the reader through.
Your emotion and fear of the future comes through wonderfully. good work

[nattibabe]

Thank you so much for the review!

[Robert Strzalko]

I enjoyed reading it very much. Going to college is one of the best parts of life. I think you expressed your concerns well but there's a lot more living in the years ahead...

[Author Unknown]

:)....................................................................................................................................

[Coyote Poetry]

"I want to go crazy and be young and feel alive, but it comes to a point where I have to wonder if the age to do that has passed? "
I believe we need to celebrate our youth as long as we can. Old age is forever. Young people need to travel, dance, sing and test life before the children come and the bills control your life. If I could repeat my youth. I would had worked less and had more fun. I like the thoughts and questions in the story. We must be born and die. Better to enjoy the life in the middle. Thank you for the excellent story.
Coyote

[Relic]

You certainly have the makings of a writer in you. You describe your reluctance to get older with a mature and tangible pen. Getting older is scary. The responsibilities are scary and the unexpected events are sometimes irreversible. The water isn't always warm upon entering but things have a way of working out if we have enough faith and determination.

We all have our own dark forest we must enter and the light we hold may not seem sufficient, but the light will shine enough at some point. Life is a series of hills and valleys. I wish you well on your journey.

[nattibabe]

Thank you thank you for those kind words!

[Relic]

You're welcome. Anytime.

[MoriartyMesa]

In credit to a fellow child of the city, I liked this but I think you could have went deeper.

[zainul]

The thoughts are not that unrealistic.
Thanks for sharing.

[nostal]

Sounds like it's too late. Have fun being an adult!