Talking Not

Distance and silence.

I forgot to speak.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was listening to the silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The vacuums enveloping your words.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The gloved hands pawing at me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The pauses and the commas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your voice on the phone,
The stranger in the blind gaze
That distance draws over our eyelids.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Watching the seconds tick away,
Knowing that everything you say

Will not be enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yet still with a heart
That will dance in the cold wet you speak of

 

[With glee! ]
[If it could...]

 

And the silence...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Will save me from the infinite ones,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Devoid of our conversation. 

 

Reviews

[Atlanta Carter]

I like this generally, but I had a few problems with it, and I'm having trouble putting a finger on what they were. Technically, I found the double-spacing created a distance - as if you put that gloved hand on your words, or put those words at arm's length instead of feeling them. Another thing that did that to me was the lack of punctuation. I don't think that it added anything. For me it broke the rhythm, since I kept hitting a wall interpreting the lines. Rather than edifying the meaning, it only confused me. Use your line-spacing to emphasize the important lines and the punctuation to keep the flow.I forgot to speak.I was listening to the silence,The vacuums enveloping your words,The gloved hands pawing at me,The pauses and the commas.Your voice on the phone,The stranger in the blind gazeThat distance draws over our eyelids,Watching the seconds tick awayKnowing that everything you sayWill not be enough.Yet still with a heartThat will dance in the cold wet you speak of [with glee! ][If it could...]And the silenceWill save me from the infinite onesDevoid of our conversation. I've grouped it above in a way that I think internalized the poem more and emphasized the most important thoughts. You may have wanted that distance, but I felt that is just pushed me away from your feelings. That's the whole point of the poem, I suppose, but I think that it does it too effectively, to a point where it detracts from its meaning.I also had a little problem with the gloved hand metaphor. I like it, but I'm not sure what you were referring to with it.This is my favourite line:Yet still with a heart / That will dance in the cold wet you speak of / [With glee! ] It contains sensory information and emotion that much of the rest lacks [for good reason]. In fact, I think it is strongest from there to then end.Still, it's a good poem with good clear vocabulary and meaning. Keep it up.

[Michael X]

natasha, i like the bold flavor you've expressed in this writing, i think the form is definitely an opinionated subkect, i felt it empasized your particular emotional connection to the sujbect, speaks romance
to the very core, gloved hands are all consumingand embrace, i see this as a metaphorical concept,
yearning for lover's soothing touch, trying to break free from such emotions that keep the heart
swaying back and forth, sensuous, beautifully inscripted, written across the readers soul, love it.

[Crystal Elisa]

I was listening to the silence,
The vacuums enveloping your words,
The gloved hands pawing at me,
The pauses and the commas.

amazing stanza! "vacuums enveloping your words" wow...
Good Write!
CE

[Maria]

I liked this alot it SAID so much, until I got to the last stanza and it felt discordant to me I no longer felt "clued" in. I am certainly no one to criticize such a thing as my poems seem like they're All about the subtext as though I'm most hesitant to speak in forthright manner. I do wonder what that last stanza implys.