Michael's Kaleidoscope

Dreaming with paper planes and ribbons of his thoughts.

You are here, 

In the soul parking space that had been strictly mine, 

My junk filled psyche's room, and the closets inside 

I'd happily cleared out for you to occupy, 

They're thrown open wide, 

Flourished by your furnishing, 

And they're completely unsatisfied 

After their perusal of the parlor portrait you hung up, 

that book 'My Antonia' 

Restless, I explore new colors in the changing light, 

And let the time evolving rays paint my mind 

Colors of 'Michael's kaleidoscope', 

Shades and symbols of your point of view; 

Misty jungle mornings to crowded, 

gritty metropolis afternoons, 

Flicker in your eye, 

twin hooks of your smile come and gone too soon 

You are here, 

On the path by the water where I walk,

I imagine you safe in the company of elements I trust, 

Remember words you've spoken, 

things you've done, 

Moments together I've kept,

I'm fishing them; rainbow ether talismans, 

out of my head, 

Submitting these to the green sunlit day that becomes another concept of yours,

I partake in nature's alchemy of us, 

And cannot return back to word what you mean to me just because. 

However I can play 

Twister with myself;

Lie in spots where you lay like the chalk man in murder scene positions, 

Choose things you like, 

stupendously smug that I pay attention, 

Relish the aftertaste of chemistry's different recipes and little forget-me-nots, 

Dream with inner landscape skies filled with paper planes and ribbons of your thoughts...

Author's Note

I felt I should add a last word or last line to the end of each of the long stanzas - like the phrase 'It never ends' in repetition or something more clever; identical sashes to hold the groups of words together in place. Now I've opted to leave the long lines flying free - like ribbons of his thoughts :-).
I don't mind you're opinion though; to tie, or not to tie, and any other suggestion/s?

Most importantly though, thanks for reading, I appreciate it!

Hey Robert, thanks for responding to my 'Ken's Kaleidoscope' reading request. Thank you everyone! I appreciate your time!
So the word 'soul' is intentional, as is the past tense in 'I'd happily cleared out' to signify the present occupation of my subject matter :-). You, however, left out an 'o' in point, Rob! My eye is keen. And heck, I'm about to dissect some more of your stuff on your page now... [lol].

Atlanta - thank you so much for the great review - thank you for being so GOOD at it too!
I choose your line over mine - it's perfect i.e.
'Restless, I explore new colors in the changing light.'
Your two cents are gold. Gracias.

Reviews

[Dani California]

"Relish the aftertaste of chemistry's different recipes and little forget-me-nots,
Dream with inner landscape skies filled with paper planes and ribbons of your thoughts... "


This is such a highly creative piece! What a joy to read!
I too, had to read through it a few times to absorb it and
I may need to return again.



"Shades and symbols of your point of view;
Misty jungle mornings to crowded, gritty metropolis afternoons,
Flicker in your eye, twin hooks of your smile come and gone too soon.."


I'm so intrigued by your word usage...
it's really quite marvelous and...well....brilliant!

I'll be returning to this ..

[Ice QueenJen]

I found this a languid anguish of a love lost in time. Superb writing, Natasha!

[Phibby Venable]

the poem is like a kaleidoscope in the way we see the sides of the poet.
it has a free feel and is excellent writing.

[Atlanta Carter]

Natasha, I think the second stanza is first rate in both imagery and flow. I don't think you need the "tie," but I also don't think you need the ellipses. The lines trail away even without that added emphasis.

In the first stanza, it just seems more Earthbound. It didn't contain the clever metaphor of the second, and it made the poem feel long; I almost didn't read on. That's not to say it was bad, but I decided to review some tonight for some inspiration, and that stanza just didn't inspire me. The second DID!

There was one line in particular that I thought needed reworking:

Restless, I continue to find new colors in the changing light,

"I continue to find" seems a little clunky and passive.

Restless, I explore new colors in the changing light,

That's a suggestion, but I bet you can find some metaphor that will do better.

All in all, the second stanza really made this worth persevering. I'm glad I did.

[Edmond Dantes]

"I partake in nature's alchemy of us"--

Hi it's your friend edmond dantes (i'm still trying to find my mercedes-ha), I printed this out to take it with me--the good ones make me do that, something about having it in my hands and reading it over and over. Well, i did that to this and I was blown away. Definetly one of my favorites, thankyou for sending it to me. At first, I thought one of the stanza's were stronger than the other, I think the second one was what I thought, but upon reading it once more here--I think they are equally Perfect! The lines that hit home for me besides the one above, are: "Flourished by your furnishing", this seems to just have a ring to it, "And let the time evolving rays paint my mind " and "Lie in spots where you lay like the chalk man in murder scene positions, " Also what I like is that even though it doesn't have a rhyme throughout, at the end of both stanza's -the last two lines rhyme perfectly and that really works well. Great write. Send me some more. Oh, and if a woman wrote this of me--I think I'd have to marry her. haha

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Nicely written poem. Great job. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Robert Wilson]

Beautiful and amazingly written. A few things I'd like to pint out though

I'm not sure how you wanted this to come across, but in the line: "In the soul parking space that had been strictly mine." From what I gathered by reading that, I think "soul" should be "sole" Sorry if I'm wrong though.

"I'd happily cleared out for you to occupy" should be "I've happily cleared out for you to occupy"

Other than that, this was a wonderful poem. with a few tweaks it could be perfect

[Natalie C]

Oh wow this really is something filled with so many different wonderful images and thoughts, one would be stupid not to have another read at it again.

Natasha, staying so true to yourself and what you believe in you created this wonderful masterpiece for all to see. Specially loved your first stanza, filled with such "richness"

Brilliant my friend! Brilliant!

[Astrid Hamilton]

Your words are so sexy.

...alchemy...

"nature's alchemy of us..."

(two belonging together in perfect unison)

us...

I like this poem. You have a way with words, and choosing each one so perfectly for
what you wish to evoke; you evoke emotions within me;
the ribbon?
my dear,
to tie...

[Ralphy]

this is a very interesting read and I've read it at least 4 times and still find something new. I know it's your placement of words and phrases that just tickles my Cerebellum, you know like makes me stumble (You are here,
In the soul parking space that had been strictly mine,
My junk filled psyche's room, and the closets inside
I'd happily cleared out for you to occupy,) . Your phrases are really different and your stanzas are long but meanful. I really like how you brought it all together...Nice write