The Guitar Notes

I was listening to Avril Lavigne's new CD, I started doodling on a page, and then there was this.

The guitar notes

are flames,

The soft,

deliberate strumming,

The flicks of fire

drumming on the wind,

The song,

a long burning stream,
Scenes of

red and yellow rain,

A rising fever

drawing me in,

The chorus,

the darkness

set ablaze,

 

The guitar notes,

are rising,

Strings tuning,

Tongues turning,

winding on threads,

Reverberating, 
a swelling

consummation,

I'm awakening,

Shaken and stirred,

The song,

It's quickening my pulses into

response,

The tuning of force into

a flowing wind,

Sweeping now,
whirling through me as

she plays.

 

 

Author's Note

I wrote this a while ago but I''ve done some new nip/tucks to this piece.

Reviews

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

I love the guitar. Very nicely written poem. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Travis Lawrence]

Great diction and overall flow. I love short-line poetry that's well worded. I'm learning guitar now, teaching myself actually, and particularly liked the opening lines, "The guitar notes / are flames, / The soft, / deliberate strumming".

Can't say that I'm a fan of Avril Lavigne's music (though I happen to have a huge crush on her), but I like most of the other music on your profile. Death Cab, Oasis, Incubus, Muse, all are bands I thoroughly enjoy.

Have a nice day!

[Kyle A. Smith]

nice representation of music :)

[Kara Emily Krantz]

I loved the title. It definitely made me want to read the poem. I haven't listened to Avril's cd - is it really new? the last one i listened to was from years ago. I'm assuming she has a newer one out by now. If you like her, you should check out the girl from the show Instant Star - Alexz Johnson. I love her. :)

"The guitar notes
are flames,"
and
"a long stream
of scenes of flame,"

The double use of the word "flame" are sort of too close together, if you know what I mean? If offers nothing new to the reader - perhaps finding another way to say that would be beneficial. Because all in that one verse you use "flame" "fire" and "flame" again. That's my only constructive criticism of the piece. :)

"The soft,
deliberate strumming,"

Nice word choice there :)

"the darkness set ablaze," - another good one

"the swelling
consummation,"
what a unique way of saying this - I really like that.

"Quickening pulses into
response,"
I really like that idea - the concept of it bringing the 'undead' back to life - I however don't know whether i liked the use of the word "undead" - it was a bit too... macabre? for the delicate sweetness of the piece.

I really liked thisssss. Apologies if I rambled on too long about my opinions, but I only do that for pieces I actually like!

[Tim McGovern]

There are a couple of lines here that are wonderful:
"The flicks of fire
drumming on the wind,
The song,
a long stream
of scenes of flame"
and
"Tongues turning,
winding on threads,
Reverberating,
the swelling
consummation,
The wakening
of the Undead"

You may want to find another word for " waking" it's kind of overused when it comes to " undead"

This has fantastic pacing and some great descriptive phrases..with a little rework it could be a knock out.
"soft and deliberate" aren't as strong as the rest of the poem, try and find words that say the same thing in a more colorful way. You have turning,winding, reverberating...you see what I mean?
Still a wonderful piece to polish and enter some where.
Nice job

[Enigma]

One word....
AWESOME!!!
GREAT WORK!!
NICE JOB!!
Even I'm a fan of Avril Lavigne!!!Ok! There are way more words than just one....lolz...