Scenes from a Love Song

He was beautiful. Dark hair fell into those blue eyes as he sang an old song that everyone knew, but not where it was from. His fingers danced over the strings of his guitar while someone accompanied him on the piano. His guitar playing was alright. At least, compared to his voice. His voice was the truly remarkable thing. It could go high, truly high, although he seemed to like to stay in the lower, more comfortable register. I was mesmerized. I'd sung my whole life, hell, even had sung the song he sang right now, but had never a talen like his. He was really beautiful.

It took a few minutes for me to realize I had been holding my breath, and when his set was over I rushed backstage. I gave him a broad smile, a big hug.

"Liam, that was beautiful," I breathed. He smiled, that wan, watery smile he'd been giving me lately.

"Liam," I said his name like a question, my eyes peering into his. There were moments when I realized how isolated he really was. Like he was on an island all to himself. 

He was quiet until we got home. It was as I was still standing in the steam from my shower, brushing out my hair in the mirror that he called out to me,.

"Caitlin, I think I'm done."

"What?" I called back.

"I . . . I'm done, Cait."

I stood frowning at myself in the mirror for a few moments, then walked out to where he lay sprawled out ofn the bed.

"Liam, what did you say," I asked. He turned his head to me, and he took my breath away again.

"Cait. . . I'm so tired," he breathed.

"Well, sure," I laughed, " It's three in the morning. I'd be surprised if you weren't." 

"No . . . Caitie. . . no," he said it with his eyes closed, and I knew what he meant. I heaved a large sigh, and ran a hand throug my hair. I plopped down next to him on the bed. His hand was there, just in my grasp. My hand lay there, the small engagement ring glinting in the lamplight. I didn't reach out to hold his hand.

"Liam --"

"Caitie, I'm just --"

"No, Liam. Don't be crazy. I mean, what would I do without you anyway?"

I felt like I was reading from the same old script. We danced this dance, every once in a while, when Liam's ego was feeling fragile and needed a boost. 

"You'd stop getting dragged down by me."

This was new.

"What?"

"Yeah, Caitie, you and I both know it. We both know you deserve so much better than me." 

Liam's murmured words cut straight to my heart. He'd never said these things before.

"Liam . . . I . . . I mean. . . what are you saying . . ." Tears sprang to my eyes and were rolling down my face before I could even try to choke them back.

Liam reached out, his fingertips gently brushing my cheeks, the tears staining his fingers.

"Don't cry, Caitie. You're not allowed to cry," he said softly, that watery smile on his face again.

I sat for a few moments, trying to process what he'd said. It felt as though my stomach had just very rapidly dropped, as if I'd just sped down the very steep hill of a roller coaster.

I wanted to say something, anything. But he and I had had versions of this very conversation so many times. I was tired too. I loved Liam, with all my heart. But when you spent so much time shouting, sometimes your voice got hoarse.

"Liam, please, let's not talk about this now," I whispered. He nodded, we both crawled under the covers.

"Not really anything to talk about anyway," he said gently.

We lay there quietly, and I could feel him there, so close. I still didn't reach out. But neither did he.

It was a rough night for both of us. Liam was in the grip of another bout of insomnia. He went back and forth between the kitchen and living room. Writing music while getting good and drunk, I supposed. He did that so often, nowadays. Drank himself into a stuper at night. Tomorrow he would act lucid and clear-headed. At least, until he took whatever wonderdrug his psychiatrist had prescribed for him.

Part of me wondered if I should go out and check on him. But no matter how often I reached out, it would never be enough. He had everything he wanted now and yet he still wasn't satisfied. I wasn't so sure that we was in control anymore, anyway. He acted as though he'd lost something, instead of appreciating what was around him. I wished I could make him see. But he didn't want to.

I wasn't suprised when I didn't find him in bed the next morning. I looked around. Key items were missing. The guitar. A picture from the wall. Liam's car keys. 

I sighed. I called the police, and they told me their regular spiel. We both knew the routine. We'd all been through it before.

I went through my day normally, going to work, coming home. I wondered how long Liam would be gone this time. I was surprised when the phone rang, though I guess I shouldn't have been.

"Hello," I kept my voice even, a little bit bored.

"Caitie." It was Liam.

"Liam," I said it in measured tones.

"Caitie, I'm sorry."

"Where are you, Liam."

"California."

"Oh," I sat staring at my engagement ring.

"When are you coming back?"

"I'm not."

"Oh," my vision blurred, my throat ached.

"You'll be happier this way, Caitie."

I sat there for the space of several heartbeats.

"You mean you'll be happier," I said softly.

"Caitie, it's better this way."

"For you, you mean. I mean, it's okay, you can say it."

"Caitie, c'mon, do you want to keep living with me? We both know I'm a miserable b*****d."

I paused.

"You know what, you're right. You go on, don't worry about me. I'll be happier this way,"

I slammed down the receiver, then stared at the ring on my finger. It sparkled like some gleeful little sadistic b*****d. I pulled it off my finger, wandered out into the balcony. I thought of Liam's beautiful blue eyes, that wan, watery smile.

With a movement that startled even me, I threw the ring as hard as I could. 

"You're right, Liam. I will be happier," I shouted out into the night.

And then with some strange emotion possessing me, I shouted hallelujah out into a night that didn't care. 

At least he'd finally decided something. 

Hallelujah.

Author's Note

Another first draft, lol.

Reviews

[Cricket Kidd]

that is quite sad.

[Victoria Everly]

Wow. That ending was very unexpected. But I like it. A very nice twist that says something simple but describes so much more. A few spelling errors but it is just a draft.