Suffocating

It's a harsh but fast write. It may not make any sense, but it does to me. Please read and enjoy my poem!

I am growing old.
Not too old,
But older than the clock that's stricken twelve.
I listen to the sweet bells chiming,
As if my time has already come.
I might die young.
Who knows ?
The future; the time is fleeting,
But it can't be told.
My beating chest suffers
The wedge of a sadness;
It evokes pain.
I feel it's strong grasp;
Crushing.
It grabs ahold and keeps me still.
It is choking the circulation of
beats per second.

Author's Note

Drop your thoughts in the comment box. :-)
Excuse any grammar problems I missed.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Time does move too quickly. I liked your thoughts and the feel of the body and mind feeling the weight of time. Thank you Nately for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

This is a very powerful piece, and the length of it really helps to carry forward the message! I've always been a fan of this kind of confessional poetry as I've felt this way before, so thank you for sharing!

[JayG]

You're going to hate me, but there is a name for this kind of poetry, in which we're told that all is darkness, and love is pain. They cal it dismal damsel, and such poetry abounds in high school and college lit mags.

The problem isn't with the emotion, it's that you're not involving the reader, you're lecturing them.

Turn it around and bring them in. Make them feel, not just know. You have the power, by your choice and placement of words, to make someone you will never meet cry, laugh, or in all ways react. And that's amazing, when you think about it.

So instead of talking to them, push THEIR emotional buttons. Make them cry, instead of going for them saying, "Awww...poor baby," about you.

Use vivid, evocative language that sings to your reader.

As I so often suggest, I think you might benefit from reading the excerpt to Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He's primarily addressing structured poetry, but what he has to say about the flow of words has the power to transform yours.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

[BBP]

Time is a m**********r!!! Scares us all and can have you seeing the end at any moment.

Time is as fragile as an eggshell and we are all afraid it's gonna break just by breathing on it!

Nice write!

[wordman]

life sometimes is suffocating ,we do grow old,and we do get concerned about our end,but real life we don`t worry about it