Heartbreak

A piece I handed in for a school assignment last year, I found it again and thought it was half decent enough to share so here it goes!!

I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I knew if anyone spoke to me or looked at me, the tears would fly out of my eyes, the sobs would fly out of my throat and I would cry for a week. I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that’s unsteady and too full. My heart was aching and my throat was tight, my tears now flowing freely down my face. I didn’t want anyone to see me in such a vulnerable state, so I made the dash for my bedroom. It was here that I let my emotions go instead of encapsulating them in my broken heart. My sobs echoed off the four white walls, with the occasional interruption of a hiccup. I have the kind of relationship with my mum that I can tell her anything, but this was one thing that I had to hide from her until I felt less broken and ready to talk about it. 

I made my way over to my wardrobe, and frantically rummaged through the giant pile of clothes that had built up in the middle of my wardrobe. I had to find that t-shirt. It bought back so many memories and I couldn’t afford to loose them. A patch of grey flashed through the coloured clothing as I searched. I hopefully picked it up, but quickly realised it was another of my plain grey shirts. Disappointed, I continued to search. A sigh of relief escaped me as I picked up the worn out faded grey shirt and placed it over my frail body. It was then that I felt most fragile; staring at myself in the mirror, studying every flaw on my imperfect body. More tears started to fall as I crumbled into a heap of disgust and distress. My heart was aching, my eyes stung and my head was throbbing. I say in the same position for hours on end, thinking of reasons why, engulfing myself in the sweet scent of my beloved t-shirt. Each time I inhaled the scent emitted from the shirt, a different memory flashed in my mind. Ones of sadness continually arose, and no matter how many times I tired to shake them, they kept coming back to haunt me. 

I picked up my phone to check the time. Beneath the blinding light it read 10:28. I had been lying on the floor for two hours now, reminiscing every moment from the past two months. It was the happiest I had ever been. Every day I was climbing up higher and higher, but you have to come back down one day. I just didn’t think it would be so soon. My tears had dried up by now, like I had squeezed every last one out of me. I heaved my fragile state off the floor and silently made my way to the garage. I picked up my shoes, grabbed my helmet and put my headphones in. Quietly, I wheeled my bike to the front door, pushed it outside, and shut the door behind me. Even though it was 10:30 at night, I needed to come out here and clear my head and forget. 

The midnight breeze brushed my face, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up from the chilly winter atmosphere. My favourite song blared in my ears as I grazed the familiar streets. My heart was beating faster and faster with every pedal, the adrenaline kicking in with every breath I took. I had no idea where I was going, but I just knew that I had to reach my safe haven. The familiar and comforting sound of crashing waves rang through my ears, and I instantly felt calm and relieved. I pedalled just a little further to the end of the pier, the melodic clanking of old worn out planks began ringing into the desolate night. I placed my bike against the rails, and sat down with my shivering legs dangling over the edge of the weather beaten planks. 

I gazed my swollen eyes out to sea, and thought about the night that had just unfolded. I knew this would remain etched vividly in my brain, and it would only remove itself after I began to forget about him. My memory was constantly replaying what had just happened, but I felt nothing. I felt numb. I felt shocked. The more I stared out into the inevitable dark abyss, the better I felt. This giant body of water always knew how to make me feel calm, no matter what time of the day it was, or what situation I was in.

 I checked my phone again, this time 12:49 shun into my eyes. I pulled myself off the pier, and hopped back onto my bike. Slowly, I started making my way back home. I cruised around the streets until my house came into view. I placed my bike against the rough wall, and silently as possible turned the key. Like a suspicious cat, I made my way to the garage, took my shoes off, hung my helmet up and put my bike away. I closed the garage door with a silent click, and slowly made my way back to my bedroom. One wrong foot placement on my creaky floorboards could end in me being grounded for months. No way was I allowed to be coming home at 1:00 in the morning. 

Once I reached my bedroom, I collapsed on my warm cosy bed. I wrapped myself up in my comforting sheets and attempted to fall into a deep slumber. But that wasn’t an option. I felt so alive; my thoughts were racing at a million miles an hour. I tossed and turned in my bed, my mind still replaying what had unfolded. I never thought I would loose sleep over a boy, but there’s a first time for everything. His presence remained in my mind for hours to come, fresh tears poured out of my swollen eyes.

I kept thinking about how melodramatic I was being, but I honestly didn't care less. I felt like I had just lost my other half, my companion and my mate. I never thought I would be feeling this way, and to such an extent. My heart was continually pounding at the frequency of a ticking clock, every second bringing more heartbreak and sadness. The pain was limited to the past few months that I had spent with him, but I knew that each time I saw him, it would grow to the sheer extent of inevitability. Missing someone hurts, but not as much as the aftermath. I wasn't quite ready to say goodbye, but no one really ever is.

Reviews

[G]

i relate to this on absurd levels.. the ocean and the feelings... well written