chapter 25

As we approached Jane’s house, I couldn’t help but think about Miloh’s words in the hospital parking lot. She had said I was as weak as my mother and for a minute I resented my mother for the life she gave me. But she didn’t have a choice, did she? What had kept her by my father’s side for all these years?

“Stop thinking about what that girl said” Mathew’s voice broke through the haze of thoughts.

“It’s hard not to when her words hit so close to home” my voice was nothing more than a croaked whisper but everyone in the car heard me.

“How so” Jane asked as she drove with a stoic expression marring her face.

“I confessed to her once that I thought my mother was weak and that I would rather die than be as weak as her.” there was a pain in my chest as I said the words that had been lodged in my heart for so long.

“Why do you think she is weak?” Sarah asked with an honest wonder in her voice.

“She has stayed with John all these years and not found the guts to leave him. Now I might end up stuck living the same life she has. I’ll be his slave and puppet to command as he pleases if I don’t get out of this God forsaken town.” the back of my eyes began to sting as I poured out all the things that I had kept locked up within me for so long.

“So all those years of suffering and living with that monster of a man, makes her weak?” Jane asked as if she was accusing someone.

“She could have left” I said in my defense but deep down I knew she was about to make me regret my words and actions of the past.

“What would have happened to you?” Jane asked

She looked through the review mirror at me and we locked eyes. The look in her eyes was one that dared me to argue with her logic.

“She could have...” in that moment I saw the reality that I had been avoiding. My mother had stayed and endured everything because of me. She would not have been able to give me a life better than the one we had now and so she stayed.

“It was all for me” I whispered to myself as the truth reverberated throughout my whole body like an avenging echo.

“She loves you” Jane said and in that one phrase there was a truth that gave reason and justification to everything.

The car was silent for the rest of the ride as I came to terms with the truth about my mother. She had been the strong one all along and I was just the scared little kid in hiding.

After all the chaos of the day, it was surprising to find something as simple as a slumber party could be so relaxing and fun. I had gone into the bathroom to change into a pair of pajamas that Jane had lent me, when I came back I found Sarah hovering over Jane. I couldn’t see what Sarah’s facial expression was because she had her back to me. But I did see Jane’s face and she looked a little annoyed as if Sarah was an over bearing mother.

“I think these are too small” I broke up the argument that was bound to start by saying the first thing that came to mind. It worked because Sarah whirled around to see me and began to gush over how cute the blue shorts; slippers and blue tank top looked on me. Jane caught my eye from her seat on the bed and nodded her head in thanks. I winked at her and she chuckled at the action.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the bedroom door and Sarah ran over to answer it while I went to sit on the carpet next to Jane’s bed.

“Those pajamas use to belong to a friend of mine. You actually remind me a lot of her. She was as stubborn and thick headed as you.” Jane’s voice was laced with tender care as if she was talking to a younger sister.

She tousled my hair and smiled at me with affection. It made me smile to see this side of her and to know a little bit more about this girl who had changed my life so much.

“It is not nice to keep someone waiting” Sarah reprimanded Belle as she walked through the door with Rai in tow.

I was shocked that they were at Jane’s house but I guess Sarah took it upon herself to invite them. Belle and Sarah had apparently hit it off because they started talking animatedly about something. Rai sat down next to me on the floor and looked at me with eyes that said everything I needed to know. Without thinking about the others in the room, I threw myself into Rai’s arms. She grunted from the impact of my weight but wrapped her arms around me anyway.

“I hate myself for not protecting you from that girl but I knew I would lose my control and I didn’t want to leave you or Belle alone. But that won’t happen again” Rai sounded as if she had come to some sort of resolution.

“What are you up to?” I asked her suspiciously and looked at Belle but she was ignoring us.

“I talked to your mother down stairs and Mrs. Andrews agrees with me and has set about the task of convincing your mother.” Rai said as she beat around the bush and didn’t say what she was really talking about.

“What are you talking about?” I asked agitated and crossed my arms over my chest as I glared at Rai.

“You and your mother are going to come live with Belle and me” Rai said it as if it was already decided and by the look in her eyes she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“What, but what about...” I trailed off as I came to the realization that nothing was holding me back. If my mother wanted to move then that solved the one and only problem I had with moving. Was I really getting this opportunity to change my life so fast?

“When are we moving?” I finally asked and Rai looked relieved as if she expected me to refuse.

“As soon as you wake up tomorrow, you will be heading home” She said and a warm smile spread across her face.

I knew she was referring to the apartment which I had come to call home and it made my heart fill with warmth to hear her voice my thoughts. I smiled brightly at her and everyone else and I was truly feeling like life was going to give me a happy ending.

The sun had finally set and I was sitting on the window seat in Jane’s room as Sarah and Belle went around setting up for the slumber party that would not end. Rai had gone down stairs to talk to my mother and Mrs. Andrews. Everything was peaceful and there was a light joy in the atmosphere and yet I didn’t know why but I felt strange all of a sudden as if something was going to happen. It was strange enough to find my mother at Jane’s house talking animatedly to Jane’s mother as if nothing was wrong with the world.

She looked so at ease which made me feel like I was a failure because I had not taken her away from the bad life. If I hadn’t been so scared of being off in the world with no help or direction, I could have had her far away from here by now. But where would I take her? How would I provide for both of us and the baby that was coming? There was a pang in my heart as the truth seeped in and I realized I couldn’t help my mother; at least not alone.

I groaned and bumped my head against the window to try to get all the mess that was in my head in order.

“Got a lot on your mind?” Jane’s voice came as she sat down on the window seat.

“Is it obvious?” I asked her sarcastically as a small smirk touched my lips. She smiled and then looked out the window at the clear sky and bright full moon.

“It’s better to let each day give you the answers to the questions that are rampaging through your mind. Otherwise you won’t live each day but instead you will rush through life because you will always try to do everything at the same time” She advised as she looked out the window as if she were seeing some movie or memory play on the window glass.

“Jane�"”

“Adel?” Mathew’s voice cut through the quiet calm atmosphere of the room.

I looked over to the door to see Mathew peeking into the room as if he might find us naked or something. A smiled a friendly smile but it soon diminished as I noticed the nervousness that was emitting from Mathew. Something was wrong and it was not going to be good for any of us but as much as my gut told me not to go, I felt a need to know what was going to happen. I looked at Jane with a look that asked if she didn’t mind if I left. She smiled and nodded that she understood and she was fine with me leaving her.

So I ended up walking to the door and following Mathew down the hall away from Jane’s room. There was a shiver of foreboding that ran through my body and it seemed to prepare me for anything that could happen now.

“Where are we going Mathew?” I asked him as he led me to the back door of the house in silence. I could hear my mother and Jane’s mother talking in the kitchen as they most likely prepared dinner. Mathew didn’t answer me but rather seemed to be making some big decision in his mind. He reminded me of an army soldier going off to war. It seemed he didn’t want to do it but it was for those he loved so he was willing to sacrifice himself. What was Mathew going to do that he didn’t want to?

“Come on” he took my wrist and pulled me along from the back porch to the grass and across the back yard. The back yard was black with shadow with only the light from the back porch to see by. The moon had suddenly been shrouded by clouds that had drifted into the sky.

I thought he would stop and talk to me here but he kept on going past where the light of the porch reached and into the line of trees where the shadows ruled. I hoped he wasn’t planning on making a move in there because it would not work out.

“Mathew, can you talk to me?” I was finally fed up with him taking me some where unknown without telling me anything. Mathew turned to look at me with regret and a tender look as if he were looking at a little kitten. What was going on? We were pretty far into the back woods and it scared me to be so far from the house but Mathew was here. He would protect me, wouldn’t he?

“I’m sorry Adel but I have to protect my family. I care about you truly I do but my family comes first.” Mathew said as a look of determination came on his face as if he had just made a great decision.

“What are you talking about Mathew?” I asked as fear seeped into my bones as I began to feel like a helpless prey. I became suddenly aware of a dark presence behind me and by the look in Mathew’s eyes; I knew who stood behind me.

“Hello pet” Scott’s malicious voice came into my ears and a fear so nerve racking filled me to the core. Mathew had just handed me over to Scott.