chapter 12

“Alright everyone settle down.” The head nurse called to all the children that now sat in the cafeteria.

“What are you doing now?” Jane sat in a chair next to me and the piano that I was sitting at. I had taken her with me through all of the rooms and made her participate in making each child smile. She hadn’t been so sure about anything at first but soon the children were growing on her.

“After every visit I play them a song,” she looked at me surprised as I played a small melody to show her I knew how to play, “my mother use to play and was very good. She taught me everything I know. This was actually the piano we use to have in our house.” I stroked the keys softly as if it were a lost friend. My expression was probably sad and melancholy but I was getting use to letting Jane see me for who I was. She didn’t judge and that made me feel comfortable.

“Sara plays the violin very well. In fact she is getting a scholarship because of it. It has been her dream to become a concert violinist.”

It amazed me how her eyes turned soft and loving when she talked about Sara. Would anyone ever talk about me like that? I chuckled at the nonsense my mind was producing.

“She could contact Rodrigo Puskás” Jane looked at me as if I had lost my mind and then I realized why, “I use to go to see him play and got the chance to meet him once” actually mother had paid for us to see him when things had been different.

“It is hard for someone to get very far on their own and a little push in the right direction is sometimes all they need.” Jane said to me as she got up to go take a seat with the children. She stopped to lay an encouraging hand on my shoulder. It left me shocked and numb that she did that because no one but my mother had ever made that gesture to me. My mother was so far gone now that she hadn’t even spoken words of encouragement to me in years.

I stared at the keys for a moment and ran through the music I knew in my head trying to pick one. But for some reason I didn’t want any of them, instead I decided to play one of the ones I had written. It was easy for me to get lost in music but it wasn’t a profession I had decided to follow, maybe that was why my mother had become disappointed before we went into ruin.

I looked down at my hands and noticed I had finished playing and everyone was clapping. Concealing my turmoil, I stood and bowed with a smile on my face. The children were smiling and laughing like there was nothing wrong with the world.

“How wonderful it must be to be that young and naïve” I told Jane as she came to stand with me as I was looking at all the children. She looked at me with understanding and then at the children with a soft look.

“Adel that was such a beautiful piece, Annie was wondering, however, who was the composer because she has not heard it.” One of the nurses talked excitedly to me as she pushed a wheelchair with a young girl in it. It was Annie; she was seven and a future piano virtuoso. Her golden curls framed her face in thick waved and those crystal blue eyes stared at me with awe. I had been teaching her to play and she had already surpassed me in skill even if she said otherwise.

“I composed that piece Annie. Would like to know the name of it?” Annie nodded enthusiastically and it broke my heart to know that her voice was finally gone. She had a disease that was eating away at certain parts of her brain. The doctors told me she would soon lose the ability to play too. The day that happened, Annie would lose all hope of ever being a concert pianist.

“I call it Annie’s symphony” tears rimmed Annie’s eyes and she threw herself into my arms. I would have cried as well but I felt that I needed to be strong so I could reassure her that it would get better.

I watched as the nurses took the children away and thought for a moment about the impact I had on them. Was I making a difference? It wasn’t like I was doing something major for these kids, just giving them some happiness in their life.

“You are changing their lives, Adel. Even if no one sees it now; it’s these moments that will shape them for the future.” Jane said this with a small sad smile on her face. She was really wise for her age and I liked that about her.

“You know I use to think these kids had it easy and resented them for it.” I confessed as we walked out of the building. Jane looked at me strangely, not knowing why I would resent hospitalized kids. Then I remembered Jane didn’t know about my life at home with John and my mother.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to” she told me as we stopped to stand next to her car. She was always so patient with me as if she was afraid of pushing me too hard in one direction. Then again, why hurry? We had all the time in the world, right?

“The reason I was jealous of those kids was because I was stuck in a hell house. My father beat me and my mother all the time. He still does it too, which is the sad part,” I chuckled humorlessly, “I mean I’m almost 18 and I’m still letting him do this. I use to make my father angry just so he would beat me so hard I had to go to the hospital. There I was safe and there is where I wanted to stay…” my mind went back to those days I would wonder through the halls of the hospital and take in all I saw. I wanted to be there forever and help people feel better when they came to the hospital.

“Why do you stay?” Jane asked the same question I have been asking myself for so many years.

“My mother is pregnant and I just can’t leave her behind. I owe her my life and so much more. Before we fell to poverty, she would shower me with love and encouragement. Since she won’t leave because of fear I have no choice but to stay.” My voice sounded resigned and I didn’t even try to hide how lost I felt from showing on my face.

“There is always hope Adel and no one knows what will happen tomorrow. You just got to live each day as if it were your last.”

She laid a hand on my shoulder like she did before I had played the piano and when I looked at her face, I saw so much sadness in her eyes that it brought tears to my eyes. Without thinking, I threw my arms around her and let out all my emotions as I had not done in so many years. In that moment I felt a wall within me crumble and it was like I had a weight lifted off my shoulders. What had she done to me?