chapter 4

That night after my long shift at the gasoline station, I came home to the sound of John yelling. Normally I wouldn’t have cared but then I heard my mother’s scream. I didn’t care in that moment about what the consequences would be; I just acted on instinct.

“I asked you a question” John bellowed as he had a bruising hold on mother.

“Leave her alone, John” I ordered into the tense atmosphere of the living room. John turned to look at me as if he could kill me with one look. I flinched when stood to his full height and lifted my mother with him since he still had a hold on her forearm. He was a threatening six foot five while I was a measly five foot four.

“Where have you been?” His voice was laced with furry and threat that would surely lead to pain.

“I was at work like every other day” I answered him sarcastically and I knew he didn’t like it when I defied him but it was the only way for me to get back at him for all the things he has done to me.

“Where was she?” he asked and pulled mother’s arm violently until she was in front of him.

“I...” I could have been honest and said I didn’t know but he would probably beat her because of it. All this time I had thought my mother came home right after church but I suspect she had spent the afternoon with her old friend that we had run into at church.

“Well?” John was getting impatient and when he did it was bad news for those around him.

“I sent her out on an errand for the day” I lied and hung my head in resignation because I had just set myself up to be beaten.

“Did I tell you to do that?” John was furious as he asked this and tossed mother on the floor.

“John, no it was--” mother didn’t get to finish because John backhanded her.

“Shut up and stay out of it” John ordered and caused mother to run in fear upstairs.

“Leave her alone, John” I said with more bravery than I really felt.

“You don’t tell me what I can or can’t do. Looks like you have forgotten who is in charge in this house.” John said in a voice that promised pain.

He walked slowly towards me and reminded me of a predator creeping up to its prey. I knew what was coming but for some reason I still held hope that it would get less painful. But once his hand connected with my face and a searing pain ran through my jaw, I knew the pain would be just as bad as always.

I limped into my room and slammed my door closed with as much force as I could muster. There was a cut along my cheek and bruises up my arm and abdomen. A metallic taste in my mouth told me that I had blood in my mouth. I took a seat in the chair in front of my old vanity table that resembled something that came from the scrap yard. Gingerly, I touched my jaw and flinched at the sudden pain that came from that little touch. My long hair would cover up the bruise and my limp would probably be gone by tomorrow. I would wear a long sleeved to hide the bruises on my arms and no one would see it as weird because the days were already getting chilly.

“Are you okay, Adel?” Mother’s voice came from the bed and filled the silent air of the room.

“Yeah, just go back to sleep. I’m going to go to the pharmacy for some supplies to get myself patched up. John is asleep so you don’t have to worry about him coming in but still lock the door after I leave.” I told my mother as I stood from my seat and reached for my sweater.

With my injuries I knew I could never make it out the window in one piece. Therefore, I decided to just go out the front door.

Once I was outside and on my way to the pharmacy, I decided I would keep this from Rai because I knew she would confront John. I didn’t want Rai getting hurt because of me and I knew John would say something that would push Rai over the edge and she might actually kill him.

The thought was frightening to say the least. If Rai did that she would not only take away the nightmare that John was but she would be taken away too. I couldn’t imagine my life without Rai so I had to protect her.

I came to a stop in front of the pharmacy and pulled the hood of my coat over my head. The results of my brutal beating were still visible so I had to cover them. Even if people suspected what went on in my house, I didn’t need to give plain proof of it. When I entered the pharmacy, I kept my head down and went to look for the bandages and other medical supplies I would need.

“How can I help you?” The person behind the counter asked in a bored tone
I looked up and saw that the person behind the counter was Mathew. Life was either hating me or hating him at the moment.

“I’ll buy these” I said as I put my stuff on the counter. As he scanned the items I could see he suspected who I was but didn’t dare ask. But luck wasn’t on my side today because when I reached for my bag my sleeve road up my wrist and revealed the bruise in the shape of John’s hand.

“What the hell?” Mathew said as he took hold of my injured hand.
“What do you think you’re doing? Let me go” I was angry but also scared that he would hurt me too. After all the things John has done I believe all men are the same and could easily hurt me.

“Here let me take you to my dad. He can help you” He began to pull me in the direction of the small minute clinic.

I started to pull in the opposite but he was stronger than me and that made a ball of fear form in the pit of my stomach. There were already a number of images that told what he would do to me, already running rampant through my mind.

“I said let me go” My voice was laced with a frantic tone that was on the edge of panic

“Look, you need to get that looked at and I am not letting you go until you do.” He said in a stern tone without breaking his stride.

When he didn’t let go, I began to panic and I was about to scream and fight my way free. But then out of nowhere some one’s hand came over Mathew’s. A figure stood beside Mathew but I couldn’t get over my fear long enough to see the person clearly. I could feel the panic taking hold of my insides.

Mathew was in the middle of a standoff with the stranger and didn’t notice that he had put his hand on the bruise. It hurt but I didn’t let myself cry out in pain because I saw that as a sign of weakness.

“Let her go” The voice sounded soft but firm

“But--”Mathew was going to argue with the person but he was interrupted

“Let her go Mathew. You are hurting her” The person said and then Mathew let go

“I’m sorry--” Mathew began to apologize but I was already running out of the store.

I ran as if the hounds of hell were on my heels and yet I knew there was nothing but my own fear chasing me. There was a burning starting behind my eyes and I knew I wouldn’t last much longer. I was going to cry but I couldn’t go to the house with this weakness showing. Without thinking, I went behind a bush and sat there with my knees pulled up to my chest. There, in the coldness of the night, I cried alone for the longest time. I was letting out all the pent up emotion that I had to deal with while living in that house. I could only take so much before I finally broke down from the power of my pain.

During this time, I felt like a child again. I was a child who needed consolation but instead I was giving solitude and abuse. I was alone in this cruel world and the worst part is that I didn’t know if I could take much more.

My tears finally subsided and all that was left as evidence of my crying were my puffy eyes. As I stood on my shaky legs I realized the enormous grief that had been falling on me more and more as time went by. How much more could I take before I broke for good?