chapter 1

Adam scurried across the sand as the waves chased after him. Watching him laugh and play made me wonder how I could have ever considered giving him up. He was my ray of sunshine, my reason for living, and I had wanted to give him up. Why? But I knew why and am ashamed of how weak I had been during that time of my life. I probably would have let them take him and be regretting it now if it hadn't been for her. Yes, she was the reason I still had Adam and had been able to pull myself out of the disgusting self-pitying depression I had fallen into. She saved my life by saving me from me, as corny as that sounds. Yet she was a comet flying through my life and the lives of everyone else she encountered. I look to the heavens now and think back to the past and how I, Adel the self-appointed martyr, met Jane, the free spirit.

I could hear my mother scream as he beat her again. When will it end? Sitting at the back of my closet, I cover my ears and try to block out the horror. How could our perfect family turn into this horrible nightmare? Nothing is happy anymore and I’m scared daddy will come after me and hurt me like he does mommy. Is he my real daddy or some imposter?

My closet door whooshes open, startling me causing me to yelp in fear. Shaking with fear, I look up at the towering black figure. It is not daddy and I know that now. A horrible monster has replaced him and now I am its target. With a noise resembling a growl he thrusts a hand out and grabs a handful of my hair. I scream and begin to thrash around as he pulls me out of the closet by my hair. The pain is unlike any other I have experienced and yet the fear of what is to come is greater.

"Shut up you little brat" his voice is vile and sinister. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare but there is no escape. He keeps walking as if he is pulling along some sack instead of his daughter. Then we reach the stairs and I can almost see his cruel sneer as he chuckles and begins to drag me down them. Each stair is like a blow from a boxer to my body. My shoulder throbbed by the time I hit the bottom of the stairs.

"No...Please John...don't..."

Mother is in a heap before the couch. Bruises and cuts mar her face and arms. Her clothes are ripped and stained with blood.

"Shut up. Its time she saw what the world is like and learned how to behave."

He yanked me until i was sitting across from my mother and took my chin in a death grip. My mother had tears in her eyes as he made me look at her.

"This is what happens when you don't do what you're told." I was scared for both my mother and myself, so I began to cry. Though I knew it was a bad idea I couldn't stop myself.

"Stop that, you little twit! You think tears will get us out of this mess that you have gotten us in? If you hadn't been born this would have never happen. You are a punishment and a burden! No one wants you here. No one cares." I was crying so much i couldn't hear anymore. Why would he say that to me? It couldn't be true could it?

"Shut up!" the blow was hard and to my jaw. I don't know if it was luck or something else but it didn't break my jaw. The salty taste of blood came into my mouth for the first time and in that moment I knew my life would never be easy or good again. That night my father beat me and killed the little girl inside. I was no longer Adel the sweet and innocent, she had died.

The night is cold and a bit windy as I walk home from the store. School is hard and work is even worse now that i had to take another shift. John is out of work again and mother is pregnant again. What if this one will survive one of john's rampages or not? If it does I wonder what will happen next and if it will change anything.

A car passes by splashing water onto the sidewalk. Most wouldn't be out this late but then again most had somewhere they wanted to be, I didn't. The alleys are dark and dangerous but I still walk them and make it through ok. Either it was luck or bad luck I could never decide which was worse.

My house, if you could call it that, came into view. A small two story that looked as old as dirt. It was coming apart and no matter how much I tried to repair it, it would one day come down. The paint that uses to be a flushed peach color was completely gone and the roof looked like it was forming a 'U' while the walls chipped in places, Home sweet home.

With a sigh I open the door and step into hell. The television is on as expected and the smell of tobacco mixed with alcohol fills the air. Yep john was home and just as drunk as ever. Closing the door and taking off my shoes, I try to remember if I got everything we need from the store.

"You bring me what I wanted!" his voice sounds like a gutter pipe is his throat.

"Yeah" I call and head for the living room to give him his stuff. It’s as if I have just walked into a pig stag. Trash is everywhere and smells of mysterious disgusting things fill the air. "Here" I hand him the two packs of cigarettes and put the 6 pack of beer on the table where his nasty smelling feet are perched.

"What, you didn't get more?!" I was already at the kitchen door when he threw a beer can at me. He missed and hit the wall which only made him madder.

"I didn't have more money and--"

"Shut up you worthless piece of trash! I don't want to hear you excuses. You can't even do this right" I stood there motionless for a while and then it was quiet which meant he was watching TV again. So I went into the kitchen relaxing a fraction at avoiding a beating. Mother sat at the small table in the kitchen. Just where she always was when I got home even when john wasn't home.

"I’m home" she jumped and I cringed at how bad she was. Though she had been like this for years it still hurt me to see her like this. Slowly and as quietly as I could, I started putting away the groceries. Then i just stood there looking out the kitchen window. I could see the neighbors having dinner together as a family, all smiling and laughing. The twinge I use to feel at seeing that had long since gone away and now i only see them as if they lived in another dimension.

"H...how was your day?" my mother's voice was a ghost of a whisper, so small and delicate. A hollow smile came on my face as I turned to answer her but it disappears as I saw the tears running down her face. I quickly moved to her side and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. Something was wrong and she didn't want to tell me. I suddenly remember that she had an appointment with the doctor today. Could the doctor have told her something real bad?

"What did the doctor say?" she looked reluctant to tell me, I had long since stopped asking her things and ordering them. "Tell me" she only followed orders and didn't think for herself, she was a shell of a woman really. I swore with all my being that I would not end up like her.

"I... I have low iron and other things and if I want a non-complicated pregnancy, then I need to buy medications" she was afraid of telling john this and becoming a burden. If we told john he would surely either laugh and say it wasn't his problem or get mad and say mother was not even good at that and that the 'parasite' was better off dead. Did i want another child dead before his/her first breath?

My mind went to the money I had stashed after buying the groceries. I secretly saved money for when I turned eighteen and left this place. Maybe if it was for the better of another I could afford to buy those medications mother needed.

"Give me a list of the medications you need and I’ll take care of it" I could see the protest forming in her eyes and so I put a hand up to stop it. If I couldn't make this a bad nightmare we can wake up from soon then I could at least make it a little better for her.

"Where is my dinner?!" she jumped as john's voice boomed from the living room. It was infuriating that we had to jump at his command but what choice did I have if I wanted to live.

That night I waited for the house to fall silent before I took the money from my stash in a hollow book and the list mother gave me and slipped out my window. I had long ago mastered a way to climb down without getting hurt or making noise. Then I started walking to the pharmacy while rain fell from the sky in a drizzle. As I walked, my mind began to wander into memories of other times walked down this same road.

Once I had thought I could run away and find somewhere far and secluded to live for the rest of my life. But something held me back and still does. I don't know if that will change once I turn eighteen and if it didn't I would end up living like this for the rest of my life and...

"Hey scratch!" a car came to a stop a little ahead of me. It amused me sometimes when I heard my nickname. Belle, my good friend, said it suited me since I always had a scratch on me somewhere.

"Hey! What are you guys doing out here?" Rai, another friend of mine and belle's girlfriend, was driving.

"I should ask you the same question. Did you finally decide to take my advice and ditch that place?" they both knew about my problems at home and always said that if I ever decided to escape I was always welcome at their place.

"Na I’m going to go buy some meds for mother." they looked worried but I waved it away "it’s just small things like low iron and such." though they nodded I knew they were still worried.

"Well hop in we'll give you a ride" I would have said no but I knew Rai would not take it as an answer and so I hopped in the back seat.

"You won't believe what we did to the apartment since the last time you saw it." I smiled at Belle's happy mood. She was no prep just always positive I guess that's why Rai loves her so much. Belle is a long haired brunette with forest green eyes with a figure that resembles one of a perfect model. Rai on the other hand was short haired red head with black eyes and a figure with almost no figure, no offense intended. She was very tomboyish while belle was very girly.

"Let me guess a new paint job?" a shocked expression came from belle while Rai only chuckled.

"How did you know?" the look on her face just made me burst out laughing.

"Belle you change the color every month." she stuck her tongue out at me and slapped Rai's arm playfully when she also laughed. They have been happy together for as long as I have known them but I knew that it hadn't always been that way.

"So how is school going?" Rai was always worried I was taking school for granting like she had mistakenly done. I smiled at how much she cared for me and my future.

"It’s hard as school normally is but then again I am in all AP classes so they have to be hard. Are you going to lecture me again?" I said it lightly and she smiled at me from the review mirror.

"At least you’re not in collage yet. That is the real test." belle was a sophomore in collage and always told me of how challenging it was and how I needed to prepare. So over all, I have them both nagging at me about my education. It would be annoying if I didn't know how right they were.

When we pulled up to the pharmacy it surprised me a little that it was still open for business since people didn’t like the new owner. We all got out and I didn't feel like asking them why they were following me when I knew the answer. Inside it smelled clean and cool like it always did now a days since Carlson Andrews bought the pharmacy from the Samson family a week ago. It was a nice improvement if you ask me but then again the Samson family was a well know and local family who everyone trusted but now strangers where going to be handing then their meds. Well I didn't really care but some did and it would take time for them to be respected and accepted.

"I need a new notebook if I’m going to keep up with Professor James' lessons." belle and Rai walked off in search of notebooks while I went to order my mother's meds. As I rounded the corner saw Mathew Andrews walk in with his new pals. They were bad news but it was his problem who he decided to hang with. He was new so they saw him as fresh meat. Wonder if they have initiated him into their 'gang', as they had tried to do to too many others, yet. Not my concern, I reminded myself as I handed the list to the pharmacist.

"It will be ready in 10 minutes" I nodded and went to find Rai and belle, maybe I would buy something for myself just because I feel like it. But i stopped at an aisle and saw something that shocked me. The gang was clustered around with smirks and chuckling while they pressured Mathew to hurry. He had a bag open and was stuffing meds and stuff into it; he was stealing from his own.

"Hey!" Scott, the leader, spotted me and they all turned with angry filled eye except Mathew, his were filled with horror. The shock wore off and I rolled my eyes and walked away towards the other end of the store. Rushing footsteps could be heard coming after me but I didn't panic I was use to the sound. When you lived in a side of town so poor and filled with dangers like me you got used to being a target of trouble.

"Hey, where are you going?" Scott was using what he called his smooth voice. Like I would fall for that, I thought and rolled my eyes as I came to a stop.

"What do you want Scott?" my voice was neutral as I stared at him with boredom waiting for him to get out of my way.

"I know you; you’re the Peston girl, scratch right?" I nodded and put my hands on my hips with an impatient huff.

"Got into any scraps lately?"

The guy who asked had been the reason some crazy girl had tried to start something with me. She had thought I was after this guy, when he had tried to hook up with me but I turned him down like every other worthless guy.

"Not that you need to know. Now move out of the way I got better things to do than talk to you low lives." a glint came into Scott’s eyes as he looked me up and down. It was disgusting but I didn't let him see the discomfort it gave me.

"You know I haven't had a girl tough enough to handle me yet but I think you might be the one." that made me laugh and I walked closer to him in defiance.

"Not even if my life depended on it slime" I slowly went around him and went to where I saw Rai and belle come out of an aisle. Rai narrowed her eyes as she saw them but I shook my head. It wasn't worth it and I could take care of myself.

"What the hell did they want?" Rai was on the verge of anger and i knew it, so if i told her that Scott was trying to riel me in as his girl she would have gone back and picked a fight.

"Nothing, they were just looking for trouble as usual." Rai didn't look convinced but dropped it.

On the way home the ride was silent and I knew Rai was thinking of the encounter I had with Scott and his gang. She knew something had happened back there but she wouldn't push it because she knew I wouldn't tell her. Belle sensed the tension in her and laid a hand on Rai’s hand, which lay in the middle of the two front seats. I watched as her muscles relaxed and she let out a sigh before interlacing her fingers with Belle's. How was it they were able to communicate with each other without using words? It was one of the many wonders I have found from watching them. What was it like to be like they were?

As I lay in bed that night I thought of the direction my life was going. Was it enough to be an independent person and pursue another life somewhere else where I could become successful? Could I make it work for me or was I destined to end up stuck here like my mother?

No! I would get out of this place and make something of myself and leave this life buried in the past so much so that no one will be able to find a connection between me and this place. Yes that was what I would do and I would do it anyway I could, sacrificing everything if I have to. I would end this nightmare, I swore with every will and fiber in my body.