chapter11

In my room I put my forget-me-not in a vase next to the rose. I smile fondly at it as if it had made a world of a difference. After our talk, Ulrich and I just sat there on the swings in comfortable silence for some time. Then we took a walk around the park for the rest of the time we were at the park. Coming home he sat next to me and it was ok. For once I didn’t feel the need to shrink away from someone. Come to think of it, I also didn’t shrink away from Rai’s pat on the back. Was this constant fear of other’s touch finally leaving me?

Suddenly, I felt the need to laugh and cry. The two were so over whelming I couldn’t do anything but let them happen. I feel to the ground in tears but there was no inner pain tearing me apart. What was going on? What was this feeling coursing through me? My hands began to shake with the frivolous need to sketch.

Grabbing my sketch pad form my dresser and began to draw, letting all emotion out on paper as I had always done. A scene came to life before my eyes and I basked in the feel of these emotions leaving me. That page was filled; I tore it off and worked on the next with a new scene. Page after page I drew on and tossed on the floor. What was I looking for?

Finally, I was able to drop the pencil and put down the almost empty sketch pad. What was happening to me? Looking at what I had drawn, I saw it was nature different places but that wasn’t what surprised me, in every drawing there was Rai, belle, zee, and Ulrich. Smiling and laughing together and with me in the middle of the group. Was this what I wanted? They looked like a family, happy and united. Did I miss the feeling of being a part of a family?

“Yes” came my whispered reply to my own questions. Tears ran down my cheeks as I contemplated what was going through me at that moment. I was so confused with all that was happening. For so long I had not needed anyone else, especially these people I saw every day. It all changed when she came here, zee.

A sob escaped me and I looked up at my dresser and was met with the sight of the forget-me-not. Was it safe to let myself hope? There had been so many in my past whose only goal in life was to make mine more of a living hell than it already was. Could I open up and let these people into my life? I had already opened the door for Rai. What was stopping me from doing the same with the others? Maybe it was the fact that she understood and she treated me as if I was her younger sister.

My sister, where was she right now? Was she ok? Would I ever see her again? Was she happy? I missed her so much and mother too. There was a pain in my chest all of a sudden so strong I curled into a ball clutching my chest. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. It hurt too much to realize this.

“Help” the one word I could never say out loud. What was to become of me? Sobbing on the floor of my room, I fell asleep again and dreamed of nothing but blackness. That was what scared me more than anything, being left alone in the dark.

My alarm went off and startled me awake. When did I turn it on? I didn’t need this. Quickly, I got up and shut it off. Groaning, I looked around the brightly sun lit room. The curtains had been left open so the morning sun was streaming in.

“Time to go to work.” I reluctantly told myself, after grabbing a towel, I headed for the bathroom. Standing nude before the mirror, I contemplated myself. What was it any man would see in me besides some play thing? Father was right; no one would truly love me for who I am. Tears came to my eyes as I thought of the hope I had for Ulrich to see past this exterior into me and find me, the true me. There was something different about him ever since I first saw him 4 years ago.

Crying, I stepped into the ice cold water of the shower. How long could I last like this? One day I wouldn’t be able to keep these horrors within me. Gasping as the water hit my bare back; I closed my eyes and thought about what was going to happen today. Ulrich had asked me to hang out with him. HE had asked ME. That never happens; Ulrich never asks he is asked.

What were his intentions? He could be Rai’s brother but that didn’t mean anything for who he was. Could I trust him? If he found out would he be as accepting as Rai? Wait, why did I care? He WASN’T going to find out. No I wouldn’t have it. I wouldn’t let another man into my life no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn’t stand another wound.

Shutting off the water I stood there and watched the water drain away.

“I can’t let him in.” closing my eyes I told myself again. No matter how much I needed someone it was too much to handle right now. Maybe someday in the near future I could slowly let him in.

The beep of the scanner as I checked someone out a book was all I heard for some time. It was Saturday so a lot of people were here and yet it was still peaceful and quiet.

“Thanks” was a girl’s courteous word before leaving in a hurry. Things had gone by so slowly for me, I hadn’t noticed the time. Someone came in and walked up to the desk, probably wanted to know if a book was in or something.

“You ready?” Ulrich’s voice came to my ears and I instantly looked up. It had completely slipped my mind I had agreed to hang out with him today.

“Yeah, I just got to wait for my replacement to get here.” And on cue Ashley walked in and around the desk, nodding in my direction she walked to the back room. Smiling, I grabbed my bag from under the desk and walk out from behind it to Ulrich.

“Where are we going?” I didn’t like not knowing and this was no exception.

“It’s a surprise” Sighing, I reluctantly dropped the subject, for now. Then, I came face to face with Ulrich’s motorcycle. Images of the day we had to go and save zee. It had been hard for me to grasp the idea of touching someone else. Ulrich handed me a helmet and I slowly took it. Putting it on, I contemplated the fact that I was going to have to do the same again.

“Hope on” he said it like it was nothing. Gulping and gathering all my courage, I took a seat behind him. But it was harder to get myself to wrap my hands around him. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and slowly took my hands away from my chest. I was grateful that Ulrich had sat still as a rock. My hands were on his back and it was warm, hard and muscular. I could have sworn he quivered at my touch but it was probably hopeful thinking on my part. Letting out a huge breath, I slid my hands around him to rest on his stomach.

“Ready?” his back vibrated with the sound of his voice which was somehow soothing.

“Yeah” the motorcycle roared to life and it caused me to tighten my hold on Ulrich. His back vibrated again with the sound of him chuckling and I was about to say something but then the bike lunged forward.

My eyes were closed for a couple of minutes but soon curiosity over came me and I slowly opened my right eye. The world whirled by in a collage of colors. Sounds mixed together and pretty soon didn’t even sound like normal everyday sounds. It was early afternoon so the sun was high in the sky.

          Where were we going? Why wasn’t I feeling scared or threatened? What was this guy doing to me?

All sorts of possibilities went through my mind as he went on all the way down 5^th ave.  Where ever he was taken me it must have be a real secret place because hardly anyone lived out this far. It was all trees and plains out here but it was beautiful, like only nature could be. It is a dream of mine to build a house out here and I have actually been saving money to that.

The scenery was beautiful but it caused my insides to turn and roil we were close to that place that haunted my nightmares. The infernal regions were down this very same road and the thought of being so near the place made my stomach turn. Fear was evident in my blood and I tightened my grip on Ulrich.

He slowed down and took a dirt road practically hidden among the trees. We were heading away from that accursed place and I felt a weight lift from my shoulders but didn’t loosen my hold on Ulrich, I liked the nearness. Trees flew by in swirls of different shades of green.

Finally he brought the bike to a complete stop in front of some trees and curiosity bubble within me. But I was weary of him, it didn’t matter what I had seen so far, he could still be dangerous, like all men were.

“I found this place on a hiking trip with my dad.” There was pride in his voice as he told me this. His parents meant the world to him and I wished I had had the luck to hold my parent s that close to my heart.

But my father was a monster and my mother was a coward though I loved her I had expected more from her.

“Come on” and with that I followed him into the line of trees curious to see what he was so proud of.

Author's Note

i just couldn't write more with the last chapter so i changed it tell me what you guys thinik. i'm still not sure where to go from here. i keep hitting dead ends. i need advice

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The chapter was strong. I like the family history and the interesting situation in the chapter. These stories are hard to write. Hard to maintain a action pack pace to any story. Could expand on the life left behind and the future. A excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Susan14]

advice: could expand on the life that was left behind and the future too. altogether a very strong piece of writing keep it up

[BeetleBug]

Praise: A wounderful chapter. The change was better. I like it.

Advice: Think of what that character is likely to do. If you were Ulrich, what would you do first? If you were Ulrich, what would say?