important news

 

Neftali gathered herself together and asked “what are you doing here?” she put down her gear and saw that he was coming over to her.

“I am looking for Aron” he said, more like ordered. Neftali crossed her arms, another one.

“Who are you?” she knew he was one of the king’s warriors but she liked this part of the greeting. They normally didn’t think that Aron was a girl.

“Warrior abidan” he stood up straighter, if that was possible.

 Of course, he would expect Aron to be a guy never a girl. She just let out an annoyed breath.

“You seek aron you say” she was going to have fun with this “what makes you think you have a right to come and seek aron's training?” just a little fun. He looked shocked.

“What do you mean?” his serious face was back on “I’m one of the king's warriors and I have every right to be here” that’s what made her snap.

“You think you have every right to be here! To just demand what you want! Things don’t all revolve around you! You’re not worthy even to be in the king’s army! If you seek other’s talents to make you stronger! You disgust me.” She was breathing hard now. She couldn’t help it she had lost her temper. He only looked at her wide eyed.

“How dare you –“

“I have every right to talk to you like this! I am Aron!” she was about to punch this guy in the face. Didn’t he get it? Girls can be just as strong as men if not stronger.

“That can’t be. I know Aron. He was in my unit when I first started.” He had a look on his face as if something disgusting and horrifying had just happened.

“I was always in men’s clothing when I was in the unit. Everyone who didn’t know the truth thought I was a man. But many even not knowing the truth found out.” She was not so mad anymore. She was talking in a much lower voice.

“No but the only other girl was the king’s sorcerer’s niece.” He was remembering

“Yes that was me.” She was remembering as well. For a long while after that there was silence between them.

Then he spoke “I’m sorry if what I said upset you. I was merely saying what I was told to say” he confessed.

That made Neftali think “wait you were told to say it?” he only nodded. Then she started pacing “by who?” she had a pretty good idea who had sent this boy.

“Warrior Ithai, why?” he had worry and confusion written all over his face. Neftali only chuckled, Ithai sent the boy under orders of her uncle. But he couldn't resist the opportunity to annoy her.

“Ha, ha, ha I guess I owe him one, right?” she looked up at him “you have another message don’t you?” he looked shocked at her “come on I know Ithai and my uncle, like the back of my hand I know they didn’t just send you to annoy me much less to be trained. There must be something going on.”

Then that’s when Abidan turned serious, something was wrong. “You must come back to the palace, you uncle is very ill and he fears that he won’t make it. He has something important to tell you.”

With this she was off toward her cottage to get her things and head for the palace. Before it was too late.

Author's Note

please leave reviews i'd like to improve the story. any advice is awsome

Reviews

[Casper Cross]

More setting, more setting, more setting... You have to give the reader more setting. Remember to always paint the picture that you see in your mind. You are God whenever you write. You create the characters and breathe them to life now breathe into life everything around them. Go and read the book of Genesis and read how it says God created the heavens and the earth. Whatever you views on religion, the message here stays the same. You must create the heavens and the earth for your character. Keep in mind that you must also do this in such a way that it does not drag down the story. You can't write a paragraph, you must make the characters associate with their environment. Just like you do everyday. Take a moment and just think about the world around you. How does it smell, when you touch a wall does it feel cold to the touch is it a rough texture? A bed is soft but how soft is it? These are the things that you can use to bring the surrounding setting into the story by making the characters interact with the setting.

A note about your characters. You are doing a very nice job of building character development. Neftali is a head strong girl who is happy about being a girl, but is put off by the limitations her society puts on girls. What is her one character flaw? Pride... That can lead her down a dangerous path and into a conflict that threatens to destroy her. That character flaw is important... use it in the story. You might already know how.