Broken Again

Part one of a two part story

After the pain and suffering of my life before this moment, I felt as if I could no longer live a life with love and happiness. There was a hole inside me that seemed to be growing and consuming me as time went on and there was nothing I could do to stop it. With every breath I took I felt as if a part of me was dying and soon there would be nothing left. I had tried to push everything away and seclude myself from everyone. But as fate would have it I had to suffer once more.

Her name was Samantha, I met her on the day of my first day in the new neighborhood and I instantly knew she was going to cause me great pain. As I tried to cope with what had happened to me in the past and start over, she was trying to get close to me. There were times I would push her away in a ruthless way and then I would feel a pain for the cruelty I was showing. Then there were times when I let her get close but then I would run because she was seeing too much of me and that frightened me. Finally there was one day she got tired of my fear and she took control.

I was with some people out smoking and relaxing when she came walking and a determined look on her face. In that moment I knew she would change everything and there was nothing I could do.

“Tam” She called my name as if she didn’t have my attention already.

“Yeah” I tried to act cold and distant as I always did when I wanted to push her away. But that didn’t seem to work today because she stood her ground before me. Her chestnut curls were blowing in the rare June breeze. She had a glint in her shimmering hazel eyes that told the world everything about her. My hands had been itching to run through her curls as those hazel eyes looked at me with tenderness.

While I was hypnotized by her beauty, she had come closer and now was standing right in front of me. I was sitting on the hood of a car and she had decided to step between my legs and stare me down. It would be so easy for me to close the distance between us and steal a kiss from those lips that resembled rose petals.

In a moment the choice was taken out of my hands and I found myself lip locked with the girl who had been plaguing my thoughts. She had taken the initiative and while I was distracted, she had taken face in her hands and pulled me to her. I was shocked at first but then returned the kiss and buried my hands into her curls, pulling her closer.

Her lips tasted as sweet as strawberries and were as soft as flower petals. The curls felt like lace and yet were as soft as clouds. I lost myself in that first kiss and couldn’t find it in me to push her away and let go of her. She was the only life line I had left and I needed to be safe again or I would surely go mad.

I was gasping for breath when we pulled away from each other. She looked at me with a smile on her face and happiness in her eyes. My insides were in turmoil and I was left speechless as she ran her hand down the side of my face in a small and tender caress. Her touch was almost feather soft and her skin was satin.

“I love you” she whispered the words so that I would be the only one to hear her honey coated words. Her voice reminded me of the sweet nectar of honeysuckles but it was mixed with the melody of a harp. But while I was captivated by her I could not repeat her words and she knew that. Yet she didn’t expect me to say them because she felt her love was enough for the both of us.

We were too different people yet she felt we would last forever and that she could rescue me from this hell I had fallen into. My gut told me not to put myself in that position and just take the safe road but I couldn't tear myself away from her. Samantha was all love and innocence while I was hate and corruption. How could I let this pure girl be by my side? One smile from her was like a ray of sunshine. I felt a strong emotion for her but it scared me sometimes. The thought that she could reach so deeply into me without even trying was frightening. At times that fear made me act cold to her.

I knew that I hurt her when I did this but I didn't know what else to do. She had a power over me that shook me to the core and caused me to close off in an attempt to feel safe. With her I felt like I was living a life full of risks again.

She loved to lay out in the backyard under a tree where we could watch clouds go by. She would lay her head on my chest and draw designs on my abdomen. The feel of her hands always sent a sensation of tingles throughout my body. Sometimes I would slip into a peaceful sleep as she filled me with caressing waves of emotions. I realized I was falling into a slow, soft and warm love.

"I can hear your heartbeat" she would say and sigh as if it was a wonderful melody.

The warmth of the summer was soon replaced by the cool days of the beginning of fall. In the months that followed we became two halves of a whole.

On our six month anniversary she set up a beautiful surprise that would be one of the happiest memories of my life. She had told me to come to her house for dinner and I had willingly gone. When I entered the house I noticed two things; one, her parents weren't home, second, was that she had set a path of candles and a flower next to each candle leading deep into the house. The flowers weren't roses but instead were tulips which were her favorite flowers. Once she had told me that tulips were the flowers of love not roses and I had accepted the claim without question.

I followed the path all the way to her room and slowly opened the door. When I stepped inside I found her standing in the dark room with no light but that of the moon. She was illuminated like an angel with all the purity and beauty of a heavenly being.

"What is all this for?" I asked with a crack in my voice. There was so much emotion in me at that moment and it was evident from the strain in my voice and the nervous shaking of my hands.

"For us" she said as she looked at me and held out her hand.

I knew in that moment that that night would change both of our lives forever. After pushing her away for so long I was ready to open myself completely to her. She was the one I wanted for possibly the rest of my life. I walked to her and took her in my arms as if she would disappear if I didn't. She smiled at me then pushed me until I was sitting on the bed. At first I didn't understand what she wanted until she took her violin and stood in front of me with the light of the moon as a spotlight.

The music that she created was filled with so much soul wrenching emotion that I found myself tearing apart inside. I needed her in that moment and with the last beautiful notes of her melody hanging in the air; I took her. I didn’t know that that night would be the last night I would be able to hold her in my arms. She was my world and I was about to lose her because of either fate or my own stupidity.

Reviews

[Casper Cross]

Keep on writing... miss these stories.

[Susan14]

Again, greater capture of emotions and amazing description.

[Coyote Poetry]

"She smiled at me then pushed me until I was sitting on the bed. At first I didn't understand what she wanted until she took her violin and stood in front of me with the light of the moon as a spotlight."
A very good story. I like how you led to the very good closure. You create good places and vision with your words. Thank you Carla for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote