untitled

       crushed

                 into a fine powder

                            sugary

                       but yellow

       a soul

            underwater

                          underfire

                  screaming in earth

                    yelling out sky

Author's Note

help with a title?

harsh critique is always the best! :-)

Reviews

[Ian Porter]

I would rework line 8-9. I was not totally following those two lines. I like lines 5 6 7 but i think you could add more to each line to create a better connection between them.

[marytownsend]

I love the imagery in this poem and the obvious emotion! Perhaps a title with the emotion that fueled your writing, such as despair, pain, injustice, etc...