Road to nowhere

This isn't the kind of genre I would normally read but I really enjoyed this. It's very descriptive and the narrator's voice is very strong. The pacing is also good. You seem to know how much information to reveal without slowing the story down which is a great skill to have, and I liked the way you left the story on a cliff-hangar.

I noticed that the tense slips between past and present at times, which shouldn't be too difficult to sort out. Sometimes your word choice could be more accurate. For example, is there another way of describing the station other than 'semi-crowded?'

Overall, really good. Would be very interested to carry on reading.

Posted 8 Years Ago

This work has promise. It could use some proof reading, but your writing holds interest and flows well. It's been a long time since I was in Japan, but I lived there for seven years and love the culture as well.

Posted 8 Years Ago

I like the way the story looks through Akane's mind,nice.

Posted 8 Years Ago

This isn't the kind of genre I would normally read but I really enjoyed this. It's very descriptive and the narrator's voice is very strong. The pacing is also good. You seem to know how much information to reveal without slowing the story down which is a great skill to have, and I liked the way you left the story on a cliff-hangar.

I noticed that the tense slips between past and present at times, which shouldn't be too difficult to sort out. Sometimes your word choice could be more accurate. For example, is there another way of describing the station other than 'semi-crowded?'

Overall, really good. Would be very interested to carry on reading.

Posted 8 Years Ago

Wow you are a writer:) I really enjoyed reading and cant wait to hear more:) I am not much a story writer but I did really enjoy this. Now see don't you feel better:) You took a step and that was the first one, now you have to think about all I said to see within you forget all the rest around you.

Posted 8 Years Ago