escaping the evil

Waking up, i remembered last night? Had i jumped? I don't remember anything i thought to myself. I went downstairs and left straight away, hurrying to school i went up to Mae and Charlie, i figured everything would be okay, and would all have blown over, after the weekend. As soon as they saw me coming they ran up to me, with their arms stretched out, i held my arms open and smiled, i knew it would all be okay, walking towards them i closed my eyes waiting to feel the warm embrace, but within 5 seconds i opened my eyes, they had disappeared, i looked behind me. They hadn't been waiting to hug me, they were going to hug Joanne, who was behind me.

A small part of me died inside, i realised that from now on, it was just the beginning of the bad events coming suddenly in my life. I started to lose my friends, and stopped eating. I suffered from depression, and when i did it, i felt disgusted at myself, and threw it back up. I hated this, but when i felt depressed, i felt good at myself. Then one day, i opened my cupboard, to search for my clothes when i found my guitar. Ha, i thought to myself i remember playing this. The strings were starting to disintergrate, but it still came out with a beautiful, satisfying and almost comforting sound. I played a few chords, and decided i would make a song. I started to make more, and more and more songs up as weeks went by, and started to discover my passion for music, singing and anything related to it.

I sang my mum to sleep sometimes, and found it hard to get to sleep. The majority of the nights i cried myself to sleep. I had pills from the doctors, but they didn't seem to do much good. I felt like i had nobody to turn too. I felt like my life wasn't worth it, but writing songs, and expressing my emotions through my hobbies, didn't feel so bad.

I started to rely on booze to help me get through the days, and didn't care what i was doing. Then one day, i decided to check my facebook account. 1992 notifications, all from only one and a half years! I wondered what they could all be, then i checked my wall, full of hate comments from 24 different individuals, i felt like i had been crushed, stabbed, and cut open. I tried to ignore it, and laugh that they were

pathetic, but tears still fell from my eyes. Then my ringtone blasted out of my new iphone, and i started to listen to rihanna - cry, until i realised it might be an idea to pick up the phone, so i answered.

"B***H" i heard mae and charlie laugh in the background.

Joanne i thought. I threw my phone at the window, it smashed, i kicked my chair over, ripped off a curtain hook, pushed the computer onto the floor, chucked all my christening presents in the bin, smashed my ornaments, smashed my mirror, whilst looking at all the mascara running down my face, my hair a mess, i didn't care anymore. I grabbed my keys, ran downstairs and shot out of the house. I didn't know where, or how i was going to, but i was going, for good.

Reaching the train station i hopped on a train, without reading the destination, and watched all the faces stare at me, i didn't care. I was Maddie, i had been through it all (or so i thought), people staring at me wouldn't hurt me. I had no feelings anymore.

I realised i was in my low strappy top, and my short, short skirt. My  heels were starting to cause blisters. Then around 3 hours later, after doing completely nothing but resting my head on the table, and trying to forget all the bad things in my life, i reached the anonymous destination. I checked my purse. £3 left, not enough for anything but a meal in mcdonalds. I found an alleyway, and sat down. I guess i was homeless, never in a thousand years would i have thought that it would come to this.

Lying down, i suprisingly, considering the cold, wet damp floor, and uncomfortable floor, fell asleep pretty quick.

***

Sun rose, and i woke up to find myself lying on a sofa, opening my eyes, a man with a grey beard stood in front of me, grinning showing his yellow crooked teeth, for a minute i couldn't breathe, was i dreaming? No, i felt his cold, stale breath from a mile away. Starting to panic, i looked for exits. I got up and sped over to the door, but within a second i found myself lying on the floor, knocked out.