i've always known

based on my boyfriend thoughts the things he thinks i don't know

The things he never would say aloud, the pain he hid from the world, he was hurting so much inside and he thought he was hiding it from the world but she could see straight pass he fake smiles and meaningless laughter. He was hurting so much, because of his past, the things he did, the things that she did to him, the pain she herself caused him. She grieved to help him, she hated seeing him living in the constant pain of everything that haunted him for all these years, only growing stronger within him as he refused to let them out, he refused to let the world in but she understood that it was only because the world have never been a nice place for him, he was never accepted as his true self, they never understood, they never gave him a chance. It was sad to see him that way and it had reached the point that the slightest things made him depressed, all he wanted was kindness and peace, all he wanted was to be loved and she did love him unconditionally but the suffering of his past never allowed him to see or even feel the overwhelming emotion she had inside for him. She to as been rejected so many times in her past but she learnt each time and now they were once again with each other, one soul sharing two bodies, they were connected in so many different ways, it seemed inhuman to most, but she was home, every time she felt alone, she knew she was going to be okay so long as he was by her side, she wanted him to feel the same way about her, she wanted so badly for him to know that he would be better than the best, that he already was in her eyes. He as always been the most extraordinary human being she have ever met and she wasn't about to lose him because of some mistake in the past. He tried so hard to find inner peace with himself, but when the world got him angry the only thing he would resort to was getting mad at her, deep inside she knew he wasn't, he knew it to, he knew she was there to help him despite the harshness in his words towards her, she would always be at his side helping him to find his place. She knew he just wanted people to accept him, to understand the way he would about things, what he didn't realize was that he didn't need to be accepted by humanity, but by himself, he was proud of the person he had become but he never allowed people to see the real him and she wonder how long would it take for him to realize he didn't need their approval to be himself. He would always say to her that every time he showed a little of himself to someone he cared for greatly, they would take his kindness for weakness an start taking advantage of him and she, on more than one occasion, went through the same thing but she learnt to accept that that was reality but ones kindness would make them reach a long way in life even when other took advantage. She believed in her heart that he hated her for the way she thought about life, maybe not hate but envied the way she accepted what it was and she didn't mind getting hurt for others and their selfish reason, maybe he had always tried so hard to be what she was that he began hating his failure to be the one thing he had always wanted to be, humble.

Author's Note

i write what i feel