Rings

Your fingers were always entwined in mine

I let you tangle them like vines,

Crawling around my fingers

Squeezing tight; never letting go

And your rings, they cut me

Ripped my skin, until I bled

And the blood that dripped from my hands,

Was as red as the rose

That he would tuck behind your ear,

The one that would disappear

Before I could see

The one you held so carefully

Then one day you stopped holding me,

You loosened your grip to get up and leave

I saw in your hands the rose that replaced me

And watched you put on a shiny new ring

My hands felt empty

With scars to hide

A reminder of you

And the rings by your side

Now I yearn for your rings

The ones that pricked like a pin

Until I’d bleed

As red as the rose that soon pricked your silk skin

Author's Note

Constructive criticism welcome
-Rough Draft-
Let me know what you think..

Reviews

[Lero Ro]

It's beautifully done and I really liked it. I love how you used commas to dictate the rhythm and how you mention the rose again and tell the story so perfectly. But I feel like there's something missing in "And watched you put on a shiny new ring" For some reason it ruined the feeling I got till that point, but on the other hand, if it's intentionally done so, it's brilliant (it fits with the content). If I think about it again, after that verse, I just felt somehow lost like something is wrong and missing, but got the previous felling again at the end (it's kind of hard to explain) which is exactly the character's feeling and it's perfect. :))

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you for the review.