Candy Irises

A sugary syrup flavor that doesn't go away...

She’s the type of girl who smiles

When you look her in the eyes

A sweet, split second smile so rare it’s a treasure.

An emerald as green as her magnetic eyes,

Could not compare to seeing her apple irises on any given day

As if they were candy, for my eyes to taste

A sugary syrup flavor that never goes away

With high hints of sour then sweet

Shining bright as the sunlight shows them off

As she pulls me into a gaze

Where all I can see are her candy colored irises

Shining back at me

Author's Note

(Life has a hopeful undertone)

Reviews

[William Liston]

I enjoyed the analogy in this piece; it was a unique way of showing how "sweet" her eyes are. It also flowed nicely . . . each syllable seemingly rolled from the tip of my tongue. It's good for a poem (whether free-verse or rhyming) to have that effect . . . it adds a nice, rhythmic feel. I think the virtual lack of punctuation was also a nice choice . . . it helped give the poem a sense of freedom reminiscent of how one feels when "floating" in someone's eyes . . . a clear reflection of the poem's theme.

If I may critique, I think the line that reads "A sugary syrup flavor that doesn't go away" could be stronger if worded "A sugary syrup flavor that NEVER goes away" . . . I think the word "never" has a stronger connotation than "doesn't."

- William Liston

[Addict With a Pen]

I took your advice, and after eyeing the piece (pun intended) I do like it better with 'never' in there. I also changed a few other things to make the mood more serious and now it flows better (I think). Anyway, thanks again for the review... it's much appreciated!

[barleygirl]

I love the playful imaginative descriptions that continue the candy-apple-green theme thru-out. It would be easy for something like this to become sickeningly sweet, but somehow you've managed to avoid that. The uninhibited tone of sweet abandon is what makes this sing . . . like perfectly-crafted hyperbole. I also love the line "that never goes away" which is nicely symbolic that this isn't the superficial kind of sweetness, but the kind that lasts.

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you! I'm glad you like it

[Lilith]

Very sweet. (pun intended) wow this was such a cute poem I loved it

[DoormanDan]

You've got some pretty delectable description going on in this lovely piece, my fellow writer! Both being in love and having a crush for somebody can be a pretty dang powerful sensation, can't it? Romance is certainly a beach I'm currently unfamiliar with (been drifting in the Sea of the Single for my entire life so far lol), but I definitely see how it can be so powerful and hypnotizing. This piece has some of the best description I have ever read on this website, and overall, the poem itself flows very well. You can give yourself a pat on the back for this piece, it's something to be proud of. Keep up the fantastic performance! :)

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you, Dan. I really appreciate the review, and I do believe that love leads us to see the most beautiful things that we would often miss, if we weren't led to it by our hearts strongest attraction.

[Lorry]

A beautiful flavour to behold indeed. When someone lingers in thought so deeply, even the imagination of thoughts seem more full and real than anything we have thus far tasted. Superbly penned.

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you, Nemo. I'm glad you liked it.