last breath

With every waking moment I fear what is real. What lives and breathes. I yearn a life which has no boundaries, no hurt, no pain. I feel my being fall through the cracks. Out of my hands and into the abyss. I hear it scream my name in pain. Hoping, willing me to catch it and make it feel sane again. Far away I see it again. Happy and smiling in another’s eyes. Taunting me, telling me that the cracks it fell to did not break it.

Now I am alone with the life I had all gone. In another’s arms and eyes I see it, knowing I did not try to save it, I did not try to maintain it. All alone I sit with the tears in my eyes, saying my last goodbyes to the life I let fall to the lonely ground where another rescued it. Here I sit on the lonely ground trying to reach what another now owns, what another now cherishes like I never could.

 I feel the world around me spin; its fangs penetrate my lifeless skin. The pain I was to feel, that I need to feel is lost in another world. I lay lifeless at my own two feet begging the life I once had to forgive me. My eyes see a light that isn’t there, and yet I realize the eyes in me can’t see. How can this be? My nose can smell the world that meant nothing to me, yet now it is all I need and want. Why is it so far out of my reach? I feel the last breath escape my body and I say goodbye to all I cared so little about. I say goodbye to the beat of my heart that had a beautiful rhythm that I never heard until I chose to let it all slip away.

Reviews

[Nastia]

hello sinde thank u for your review it means alot that u think my work is good

[SINDE]

Well captured Nastia! I like the level of metaphorical expression flowing through this piece. I like the jarring descriptions and the supernatural aspects embedded in your writing.

'...I feel the world around me spin;
its fangs penetrate my lifeless
skin. The pain I was to feel, that I
need to feel is lost in another
world. I lay lifeless at my own
two feet begging the life I once
had to forgive me...'

I felt you scribbling this part. Really heartfelt stuff.

'...My nose can
smell the world that meant
nothing to me, yet now it is all I
need and want. Why is it so far
out of my reach? I feel the last
breath escape my body and I say
goodbye to all I cared so little
about. I say goodbye to the beat
of my heart that had a beautiful
rhythm that I never heard until I
chose to let it all slip away...'

Your rhetorical questions are also remarkable. You should continue writing and improving along these lines. Thumbs up Nastia.