Here, there!

be careful in reality! may all will be false, may all will be right! thanks for my kind helper!

Here, there!

Nice memories of a childhood,
Happy, laughing or naughty.
No darkness, no guilt, or painful soul

Being an adult, emotions are gaining,
Time for our childish ways to be changing.
Just like the seasons rushing by. 

Some want to know themselves.
Some want to know others.
Some want to simply be lovers.

Distance of the downfall,
though we must stand like a wall, 
because soon enough death shall come to call.

Please keep, wish, or wait.
Remember your first sight
In the end, again we will reach the light.
Shining, shining ever so bright.

Here, there! Difference where?

You know better, my dear!

 

 

 

Author's Note

review free and honestly, if you liked it.

Reviews

[dan]

This piece is filled with emotion but never over the top gushy, and that's a good thing. The shift from childhood to adulthood is handled skillfully. The end part of the piece invokes the presence of light, implying goodness over negative being. The last line is very direct and personal; was this written FOR somebody? Nice job. take care...dan

[Arman]

i really appreciate it, thank you so much.
your right, last line is for our finder!
thank you.

[zunie frost]

Really great !!! I love the style of changing childhood to adulthood in the poem with different emotion and human nature !!!
Keep it up

[Arman]

glad you loved it!thanks

[GreenShoes]

I enjoyed it. :)

I noticed your description: "be careful in reality! may all will be false" and it's funny, that's the way I feel about online relationships. Often times they are false.

I like very much that you broke this into stanzas. It makes it easier to read and understand.

The first two stanzas were very clear, and nicely done. Then you have a change in your thoughts in the third stanza.

By the fourth stanza, I'm not sure where this is going, but I do appreciate the last line.

The fifth stanza is about being positive and optimistic.

I don't understand what you're trying to say in the last stanza. Does that first line in the last stanza refer to real life vs. online?

I would suggest when writing a poem, you try to stay on track. When you have an idea for a poem, don't sway from it. Other ideas can be represented in other poems. The end of your poem should "tie up" things that are described at the start of your poem.

I hope this helps. :)

[Arman]

interesting or new for me. its really important , i will follow this good suggestions.
thanks for it nice review!

[Emily]

I really like this one!
The ending is my favorite part!
Keep it up!!

[Arman]

thanks Emily!

[Anindita Janhabee]

nice flow, amazing piece, just wonderful..I think the word "site" is actually "sight". Well, it was just a little confusing, try to make it perfect.. thanks for the read request or mail, whatever..
good to read..childhood, just like my poem " childhood".
Anindita

[Arman]

thank you so much dear Anindita for this kind words.
yes your right, i will do it now.
or i read your great poem, first paragraph was same like it.
thanks again

[Ellen Kolman]

Your writing just keeps getting better! Your style is uniquely your own...you have a way of relating serious emotions with a lightness that makes it playful and sweet...I loved the message of your poem; you have a fresh way of relating your emotions....well done...you have real talent...

[Arman]

thank you so much for this kind review!

[QueenBecky]

This is a beautiful and inspirational write! Great work! :D

[Arman]

thank you!

[Cass Morgan]

I honestly, honestly like it. Even though the message is pretty solemn, the poem has a playful edge to it. I don't know where it comes from, and I am definitely no poetry expert, but it's there and I like it.

Thank you for sharing!

[Arman]

thank you! i honestly appreciate it. so glad you liked it.