Savior

this story show that we all have one helper, savior or creator. just that can everything! thanks for dear barely help in editing.

 

Savior

Short story

People were afraid of the effects of this long multi-year drought! With no rain in sight, the distant mountain forests were turning brown and dying. Snow has been sparse every season. What will happen? All feared that crops would burn and animals will struggle because their stored grain is insufficient to endure this drought. As every moment passes, despair spreads. Burning rays from the June sun bear down on the high walls of the village. Watching the red clay being heat-blasted, the whole region feels fire and brimstone coming. After meager crops are harvested, sheep, donkeys and cattle swarm the fields for some last bites of nourishment. Before starving, some are butchered with knives to feed the people, while others die, ending up as carrion for foxes and wolves. With water supplies shrinking, people were sure the time had come to be wiped out by this drought! Life expectancy was waning, happiness gone, and the animals groaning in starvation and thirst. Children are crying and adults beat their scared hearts, moans expressing their deep mourning. People realized life will be limited to very few days because the baked ground was an oven . . . it appeared to drink in every drop of water within moments. Impossible to stay here, but where to go? People chose to escape in an unprecedented exodus. There were those who were too exhausted and unable to continue on. Feeling depressed, they spread across the desert trying to escape, becoming lost. Each one wearing a head guard, they release their grief as they try to hide dry crusted tears. But the burning desert does not care about seeing all of them dying from thirst and starvation. It is impersonal, roasting people and animals to death with equal dispassionate certainty.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

His face was black and roasted, his feet blistered, he stood apart and alone. Although he had died in a drowning, he tried to go on without drinking slightly more. Then he sees the mountain shade! This refreshing sight takes away his fatigue.

He senses a cold wave and welcomes the shadow!

He knew it was no use turning back! Such as he knew, there would be no life remaining back at the village where he started his journey across the desert.

Tied across his back, he treasured the one quart bottle of water that he had remaining for his long journey. He had confidence that small amount could be saved.

Shade was disappearing, only a few minutes more! He closed his eyes and imagined gulping down the very little water he had. He thought about lying down in the cool sand and finding more water when his precious quart was gone.

His eyes glimmered with tears of joy, but then he was suddenly overtaken by heat and thirst. Staggering along, he was almost ready to fall over, exhausted, ready to die. He decided he must dip into his last quart of water.

He opened his water bottle, ensuring that every drop was still there. But when he tilted his head back with the water starting to wet his dry cracked lips, it burned his tongue instead! The water was hot! He became dizzy and ready to collapse.

The bottle crashed to the ground and water began running out in a torrent, while the thirsty sand gulped it down, his last water disappeared.

He tried to move, wanting to seek the shade of the mountain shadow. A new spirit forced him to move, but his hands and feet were stuck in place, not moving for even a little moment.

His eyes were still open, but saw nothing. He laid his head on the ground, his breathing slowing . . . slowing . . . barely there. At that moment, he accepted that the creator is his Savior, helper and carrier! His Savior is the one who finished all thirsty thirst! In that moment, he was delivered to his Savior.

 

Author's Note

i want to know what others think about it!

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

You have described well in horrific detail the situation facing too many in this world today. At the start of the second part I couldn't understand 'Although he had died in a drowning' . I guess it's not meant in a literal sense! As a non believer the final part doesn't make sense to me - people dying of thirst are not miraculously revived although again I realise that many will appreciate this conclusion. Perhaps if you had produced a natural saviour such as a hidden spring or oasis it would be understandable to more - God works in mysterious ways!
I did enjoy this!
Alan

[Arman]

yes! your right, we always need for positive conclusion, i am sorry for last part quieting, i will be try more for my corrections, thanks for you'r time. i really appreciate it.

[Tinman07]

Very strong and powerful imagery here. The despair is something you can almost touch.
I was a little confused because the man had already 'died in a drowning' until he later died of thirst?
But then gained release from his torment when called by his God.

[Arman]

your right!
thanks so much!

[maissa]

Omg .. I felt every word of the story .. Actually i felt thirsty for a moment there .. The description is very intens i felt sorry for the man . in short i loved every line . for a second i wished there was more . like a short novel about this drought .

[Arman]

thanks for so kind words!

[wordman]

a great story,the drought has brought poverty to a lot of farmers

[Arman]

yes! your right! thanks

[Robert Parlange]

It was well-written. The descriptions were intense and helped to develop interest in the story. You could feel the despair of the people in the story.

You might want to put it in a short story format and perhaps use a more readable font like Time New Roman or Georgia.

Good work.

[Arman]

thanks for time!

[barleygirl]

Your descriptions of the drought & the exodus are very full of imagery, so we can almost see what is happening. The man's hope & desperation is well expressed, I can feel how he must be feeling. Then, in the end, death is a relief, not torture. This is becuz he has accepted the Lord as Savior, which makes all things right. This message reminds us not to fear death, as long as our souls & our spirits are saved.

[Arman]

thanks again teacher for this kind words.
or nice explanation!