Savior

this story show that we all have one helper, savior or creator. just that can everything! thanks for dear barely help in editing.

 

Savior

Short story

People were afraid of the effects of this long multi-year drought! With no rain in sight, the distant mountain forests were turning brown and dying. Snow has been sparse every season. What will happen? All feared that crops would burn and animals will struggle because their stored grain is insufficient to endure this drought. As every moment passes, despair spreads. Burning rays from the June sun bear down on the high walls of the village. Watching the red clay being heat-blasted, the whole region feels fire and brimstone coming. After meager crops are harvested, sheep, donkeys and cattle swarm the fields for some last bites of nourishment. Before starving, some are butchered with knives to feed the people, while others die, ending up as carrion for foxes and wolves. With water supplies shrinking, people were sure the time had come to be wiped out by this drought! Life expectancy was waning, happiness gone, and the animals groaning in starvation and thirst. Children are crying and adults beat their scared hearts, moans expressing their deep mourning. People realized life will be limited to very few days because the baked ground was an oven . . . it appeared to drink in every drop of water within moments. Impossible to stay here, but where to go? People chose to escape in an unprecedented exodus. There were those who were too exhausted and unable to continue on. Feeling depressed, they spread across the desert trying to escape, becoming lost. Each one wearing a head guard, they release their grief as they try to hide dry crusted tears. But the burning desert does not care about seeing all of them dying from thirst and starvation. It is impersonal, roasting people and animals to death with equal dispassionate certainty.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

His face was black and roasted, his feet blistered, he stood apart and alone. Although he had died in a drowning, he tried to go on without drinking slightly more. Then he sees the mountain shade! This refreshing sight takes away his fatigue.

He senses a cold wave and welcomes the shadow!

He knew it was no use turning back! Such as he knew, there would be no life remaining back at the village where he started his journey across the desert.

Tied across his back, he treasured the one quart bottle of water that he had remaining for his long journey. He had confidence that small amount could be saved.

Shade was disappearing, only a few minutes more! He closed his eyes and imagined gulping down the very little water he had. He thought about lying down in the cool sand and finding more water when his precious quart was gone.

His eyes glimmered with tears of joy, but then he was suddenly overtaken by heat and thirst. Staggering along, he was almost ready to fall over, exhausted, ready to die. He decided he must dip into his last quart of water.

He opened his water bottle, ensuring that every drop was still there. But when he tilted his head back with the water starting to wet his dry cracked lips, it burned his tongue instead! The water was hot! He became dizzy and ready to collapse.

The bottle crashed to the ground and water began running out in a torrent, while the thirsty sand gulped it down, his last water disappeared.

He tried to move, wanting to seek the shade of the mountain shadow. A new spirit forced him to move, but his hands and feet were stuck in place, not moving for even a little moment.

His eyes were still open, but saw nothing. He laid his head on the ground, his breathing slowing . . . slowing . . . barely there. At that moment, he accepted that the creator is his Savior, helper and carrier! His Savior is the one who finished all thirsty thirst! In that moment, he was delivered to his Savior.

 

Author's Note

i want to know what others think about it!

Reviews

[ShrinkingElvira]

I think you and I wrote a small piece of the same Epic. The 1800’s great orator style is my penultimate goal in writing, so if asked for feedback, my is simply that, there is room to expand and improve your linguistically styling (as there is in mine). But the content…again it feels like another chapter of one of my own stories.

[Arman]

thank u
can u response to my message?

[Cierra Nicole Aguilar]

Very interesting short story really good though keep up the good work .

[Arman]

than you so much for your time!

[M. Wellon]

Rich images. Interesting sense of place. I enjoyed the read for that. With other reviewers, I didn't get the, "Although he died in a drowning..." part. If you intended metaphor, it drifted at that point. Where'd he find enough water to drown in such an extreme drought? You portrayed a starkly literal thirst. Looks like he died and woke up in hell, and got roasted down to faith/capitulation? Maybe it was the anesthetic effect of severe dehydration on his brain, and not salvation through death by water and fire. Keep writing!

[Arman]

thanks for your time, and for selecting of this good point.

[Rose Raffoul]

wow this is so amazing my mind was in a complete different place as if i was the one who was in thirst, amazing, keep up the good work. :)

[Arman]

thanks! but that situation will be so hard for you!

[Rose Raffoul]

yes of course it would be, i cant even imagine how some people stumble across this path, but their`s always hope when there delivered to their saviour

[Arman]

that is nice idea! thanks for your time!

[Christian Nicholas]

Interesting. I like your attention to detail and your ability to poetically paint a scene. The only thing that would make it better is formatting it into more of a "story" format for easier readability.

Good job though! Definitely keep at it

[Arman]

that is ok! i will tray for good formatting, thanks so much!

[Daphnee]

Wow. I am speechless. This is truly amazing. I can see you going far! Your writing is just phenomenal. Wow. I am in awe.

[Arman]

hahaha i am sorry for your speechless! thank you!

[A. Elizabeth Herting]

Great story, powerful descriptions. I first assumed he was already dead after "he died in a drowning" part then realized he was still alive at that point and needed water. That was the only confusion but I could picture him alone on the parched desert-good job!

[Arman]

ok! thanks for nice review!

[Christopher Stephenson ..]

Did you ever think about going in the contest on this site. you should try for it's fun.

[Arman]

that is ok!

[Christopher Stephenson ..]

What has happened is sad. It felt as if you want to thirst but there was reason why you did not. Thank you for give the time to read your story's and poetry.

[Arman]

thank you for your time!

[Emily]

I liked it!!
Keep it up!!

[Arman]

that is ok! thanks