SHAMELESSLY

its amazing that lovers can destroy everything for there love. i want to say thanks so much for two people. thy try more in it editing, Dear Baierly or riddhi.

Shamelessly

Tumbling clouds darkened the tomb and thunderclaps made the night very frightening. The pounding thunderstorm suddenly stopped him. He felt exposed to something eerie as his heart leaped in sudden fear and his body trembled.

He crept ahead and slammed the bedroom door open violently, stepping cautiously into the middle of the room. With a candle flickering, he approached the bed of Shamla.

A voice said, "Who are you?”

He was very scared. Now that same voice called him again, but this time using his name “Gran! Is that you?"

He thought, "Before she recognizes me, I should leave”. But then he remembered that mother was gone for now and he would not get a chance like this again.

Reluctantly, he answered, "Yes, he went before."

Shamla raised up from her bed, seeing Gran approaching her. For a few moments, both stayed still in one place. She was thinking that, by coming into her room slowly and mysteriously at midnight, it made her suspicious of him. So she said, "What are you doing in here?"

Suddenly Shamla was afraid that the one with whom she has been speaking is not really Gran.

"I will kill you!" He pushed her into the bed hard, "separate your heart from the chosen boy.

She answered, "I am engaged to him by mother's consent.”

His harsh kick silenced her as Gran said “You will do what I say."

She retorted "Are you without any shame? You dog!”

Gran laughed as he moved back from the bed a few steps, ““Look! I want to marry Rana! After all she did to convince her father to marry you, now you must go through with it. Otherwise, I will never have Rana."Shamla said angrily, "Marry with that stingy 50-year-old!"

Gran moved toward her and put one leg on the bed, "Yes, marry him. Don't you find this desirable?"

Shamla cried, "You destroy me for Rana?"

Gran spoke harshly, "I will destroy everything for her. Also I will destroy you, if you do not accept it."

Gran stretched his hands around Shamla's neck. Shamla felt that if this continues a few moments more, she will die. Now she must do something.

She pushed Gran and slammed him to the wall. Shamla grabbed a cup of tea from the table, ready to throw it in his face. Her anger was incensed and her teeth clenched with determination.

"Your thoughts and deeds are bad, unacceptable to anyone. Why doesn't she absolve her old father for you? I have not built this barrier."

Silence lingered for some moments. Gran mind and body were ignited with what Shamla said and he was in pain. He could not tolerate any more from her and decided to kill her, giving her strong lethal blow to his head. He looked down at her lifeless body, filled with mixed feelings over what he'd just done.

 

Author's Note

i really need for your reviews, to get instructions, advice or also knowing about my mistake.
which need for changing.!

Reviews

[Cass Morgan]

This is definitely a great read! The characters are well-developed, and you can tell what they're feeling without you having to write in out in the story. That's something I still struggle with! :)

Sad ending, but then again, sometimes the sad endings are the best :) Hope you turn this into a long story- I would totally read it! :)

[Arman]

thank you so much for reading or reviewing, i really appreciate it!

[Coyote Poetry]

Good conversation, interesting situation and sad ending. I liked the characters and the story line. I wanted to know and read more. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[Arman]

thank you for kind words!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[MohamedBencharef]

I am not a big time writer or even a reviewer but I'll say my side of your story .
the story gives you questions and that make you want to finish it. you got some mystery s**t going on and it's cool

[Arman]

thanks for nice words.

[Christopher Stephenson ..]

As a writer It's hard for some to edit another person work. But I will try. Where are you going with this story. But, It's turn into a good story. Even a good story line keep continue to write it.
And, it need more plot to take to write more story. So try It's going to be good I think. It's a good story line thank you for getting me involved with you work. "Will Gran go further. Was she, killed, or just hurt."
Good stuff.

[Arman]

thanks for your time!

[Christopher Stephenson]

Tell me when and if you write and make it long story I would like too read it. It does take time I understand that. Have a good one.

[Arman]

ok. you'r so kind!

[barleygirl]

Good job! Your story has suspense and that makes it interesting, so the reader wants to find out what happens. Right near the end, there is one change needed: "giving her strong lethal blow to HER head" (not HIS head). Other than that, it reads very well.

[Arman]

ok.teacher! thanks.

[Marie Maddson]

This is really good! Though sometimes the words don't quite flow as nicely as they could, making it a little bit harder to understand. But if people are smart they can figure it out or make sense of it with their imagination :)

[Arman]

thanks very much.
your right! it will be, but i can trying for it finishing in future.