Notorious

thanks from them whom helped in editing of this story.

Notorious

 

Short story

With half the day ruined by a fierce downpour, the hotel man welcomes two girls in.
"Hi! How are you doing? Since you've been gone so long, I thought you were unhappy with our service!”

The tall girl's hair fell into her face and she brushed it away.

"Shabow! What did I say? Of course he remembers us!"

Shabow wore a long green robe; her face was pale white with large dark eyes. She was born beautiful. She says “Gulalay! You are like an uncle to us!''

“That is true! It’s alright! Now come in out of the rain and enjoy some hot tea."

“Please”. Shabow said, as she smiled at gulalay. 

Both climbed happily to the balcony, and settled in two seats at a table.

Together they viewed the mountain junipers in the rainforest, watching as different characters appeared in the cloud formations.  

“How can they join together?”  She was pointing to clouds.

Gulalay watched with interest and smiled, "It is poetry season!"

Moments later Shabow filled cups by laughing, and took a cup in both hands. “You know Neel?”

Gulaly choked as she took a sip. The last time she saw Neel, he was so sweet, she longed for him again.

"Are you trying to match me and Neel together? Do not mention him to me again; he is an animal! Not say to me his polluted name!''
Then Shabow recovered from the surprise of her response, she became furious, "I never mentioned any animal!"

She stares in Shabow's eyes and replied, "Now our lovely moment has been ruined by mentioning Neel!"

She stands up by the balcony railing, but Shabow grabs her sleeve, "I am not finished!"

“What else about that stray?" She gave her a look, showing that she wanted an answer...

Shabow looked back and away, thinking the two belonged together. "You're wrong about him."

Gulaly took her turn to speak, "Everyone has this idea about him...”

Gulaly was in amazement. "Shabow! You’re a daughter of wealthy father; His notorious name doesn't look good on your mouth."

Shabow sighed in regret. "People defamed him, because he is homeless, jobless and helpless."

Gulaly stood up and let out a big breath of air, "I know! But I would rather die than be joined with him."

Shabow also stood. "If you could join with him, that would show all the others that Neel is a great person."

Gulaly stomped off because she didn't like what Shabow said. But when she was leaving the hotle, Gulaly stopped at the gate and looked up toward the hill where Neel lives, still undecided.

Author's Note

please read it and get instruction to me.

Reviews

[ANTO]

I liked the line 'She was born beautiful'.
"Both climbed happily to the balcony" - did they climb a staircase N-Arman?

"Together they viewed the mountain junipers in the rainforest, watching as different characters appeared in the cloud formations. " - beautiful imagery.

This is kind of like Emma by Charlotte Bronte I feel. Gulaly playing the matchmaker - but to what end? Does she have an eye for this Neel herself maybe?

I was reminded of a typical scene from a daytime soap (e.g. Days of their Lives) reading this N-Arman.

Well done :)

[Arman]

Thanks Anto! for good instruction.

[ANTO]

advice, not instruction, my Afghan friend
and you're welcome !

[Arman]

OK.OK. thanks.please!

[Jess]

Well written! I like the descriptions. But as Anto said I guess the end is a little incomplete.

And thanks to Barleygirl for correcting the mistakes. Its highly appreciated.

[ANTO]

Jess you're doing an amazing job mentoring this talented young man. Well done to you too.

[Jess]

Thank you ANTO!! :)

[Arman]

thanks for yours help.

[barleygirl]

I like that you bring in many visual details to enhance your story, such as the rainforest and cloud formations. I like the way the ending showed us the main character possibly changing her mind about the guy everyone says is bad. Your story carries a lesson for everyone about being kind.

[Arman]

thanks a lot for Praise, its honor to me.

[Alexandra Hounschell]

It's fairly well written.

[Emily]

Nice story!
Very well written!

[Arman]

thanks a lot.