Heartbeat

this is my first poem in English writing. after from reading of Jess poems. i able to write it.

Heartbeat

Please come back to me

I am thirsty to see you

Forgive me for my mistakes

Without you none else can help me

Remember your promise to help

Now I am alone and sad

The time to help is here

I believe you will come

You're my helper,lover or Heartbeat.

Author's Note

your instructions will be make a poet from me.

Reviews

[Randhir kaur]

No flaws...a sweet write and nice to read it...

[Arman]

i really appreciate it. thanks

[RJ]

What do you think of instead of: you're my helper, lover or heartbeat. It be: You're my helper, lover, and heartbeat. But I'm bad at writing so you don't have to listen to me.

[Arman]

that is ok. thanks

[Coyote Poetry]

You did very well with the poem. You made the emotion of love and need come alive. The good flow of thoughts led to the strong ending. I liked this poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Arman]

have a nice life.thanks

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Fate]

this one is nice..longing for something.. I can feel that..maybe a friend..or the creator..good one :)..keep it up:)

[Arman]

thanks. for review.

[Fate]

welcome :)

[Sarah Wilson]

I really like how this conveys a soft fondness and also a longing. I also like that it ends in a positive way. it flows well I think that none was meant to be no one, but other than that the English is very good!

[Arman]

oh. i am so lucky by getting your review. thanks so much.

[Sarah Wilson]

no problem :)

[Emily]

It's great!
I loved it!
The way you ended it was awesome!
I didn't see any English problems.
Keep it up!

[Arman]

thanks. that is OK, i will keep it.

[Littlelady]

Alright
Overall very good
Put a bit more purpose behind it (If there isnt one)
Your english is actually quite good (Ignore my english, I dont English properly outside school hours)
Punctuation is actually quite good
If need be, use an english translator on google

[Arman]

Thanks.
I rely appreciate for that service.

[Littlelady]

all good
these little things will help you become a great writer

[Arman]

that is OK..

[ANTO]

A lovely poem, filled with faith in friendship. Well written N-Arman.

[Arman]

thanks from your admiration.

[ANTO]

I wasn't going to mention the little sprinkling of guilt-trip-seasoning in the lines -
"Remember your promise to help
Now I am alone and sad..." but it did make me smile.

[Arman]

you the man!

[ANTO]

NO - you the man N-ArMAN :)

[Jess]

Well thought out. The idea is really good. Beautiful piece.
And no problem, I'm eager to help. :) :)

[Arman]

i have love with your poems, your the helper.

[Jess]

:) Thanks again and np