the sun request

This is edited draft, now it will be easy and comprehensible for every one. Thanks from those whom helped in editing.

The sun request

Fiction

The Rain stops time receive, my Slaves also prayers for removing the clouds, do stand ordered to the sun!
Chair angel respectfully bowed: The archangel respectfully approached the Lord and bowed:

"Lord! Sun is unhappy” all angels confirmed by heads nodding.

Lord said: why?

Sun comes, it worshiped the Lord.

"Lord, I am not intolerant... if it pleases you to keep the dark clouds over the land, so be it."

            The angels knew to be quiet. So when Sun continued talking they expected the Lord to chastise Sun, but it was allowed to continue speaking.

Sun made a tearful plea, “by doing this work I see some goodness in humanity. Soon all the oppressed will be free from their oppressors. The helpless will be delivered from strife and wickedness and all human killing of humans will end. Lord Forgive me!"

"Your Lord is merciful; you were here when I created them, and have seen them develop since that first day on Earth?

"Yes. Yes."

"Have they not wandered far from their origins? Are they no longer filled with love and solidarity for one another? The Day of Judgment will be soon and you will have to see it through to the end!"

“I know I know." Sun stood slowly, the angels breathed a sigh of relief, but suddenly Sun said to the Lord, "Gracious Lord! I have one request, a small request!"

Angels listened as Sun saying, “On the day of Judgment strengthen my rays two hundred times stronger, that I will roast the bodies of those who have the blood of another on their hands."

The Lord smiled.

After a few moments the sky cleared, and Sun once more threw its rays to the ground like bright swords.request!"

Angels listened as Sun saying, “On the day of Judgment strengthen my rays two hundred times stronger, that I will roast the bodies of those who have the blood of another on their hands."

The Lord smiled.

After a few moments the sky cleared, and Sun once more threw its rays to the ground like bright swords.

 

Author's Note

Please read it, and share your ideas with me.

Reviews

[Eliza Williams]

I like it, it's a really interesting idea. I would say to just look at the last bit again? I think you repeat it but I'm not sure if that was intentional. Also the first line sounds a little confusing to me. I really like it though x

[Arman]

yes.
your right.
thanks

[Kathryn Smith]

I love the sun very much. I could feel this. I could see this. You're quite an incredible writer my friend. Keep it up! xo

[Arman]

thanks very much.

[Coyote Poetry]

The short story is very good. I love myth and tale. This story is powerful and told a realistic tale.
"Angels listened as Sun saying, “On the day of Judgment strengthen my rays two hundred times stronger, that I will roast the bodies of those who have the blood of another on their hands."
The Lord smiled."
I liked the above lines. You left the reader with something to think about. Thank you for sharing the amazing story.
Coyote

[Arman]

oh i not have ability of this praise.

[Coyote Poetry]

You do. Your story was a worthwhile read. Myth and tale is different in every part of this world. This was wonderful.

[Arman]

its just fiction, thanks

[Coyote Poetry]

Myth is fiction. I write of my Ojibwa myth. Myth is story shared by elders to us.

[Arman]

ok.ok. i am sorry, myth is new name for me. thanks

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Megan]

I like the way you write this story in that it has that sort of classic and old-age sort of tone. I think you could use a little help on the grammatical aspect of things, so if you would like me to try you can send it to me and I can edit it. Otherwise I think this piece has potential.

[Arman]

that is OK, i will do it, thanks.

[ANTO]

I think this is the kind of story that we in Ireland used to share round the fire. Stories that try to help us understand the world around us whilst entertaining us.
Keep writing N-Arman.
See you have 47 people who have read this story now.

[Arman]

good explanation, i must keep it for improving.

[ANTO]

You will. :)

[Aura Devour]

This is kinda mythological ain't it?

[Arman]

thanks from review, but i cant cache your idea! please write essay explanation of your question or instruction.

[ANTO]

Aura is saying your story is like the ancient stories.

[Arman]

that is OK, it may be have ancient style. i understand, thanks.

[ANTO]

Well that style is seeing a revival - it's everywhere - TV, books, movies. There's nothing wrong with that style of writing. It just doesn't appeal to everyone N-Arman.

[Arman]

thanks so much Anto.
some of my stories have this style, every one that have information about Asturias, this will be good style for them.

[ANTO]

Asturias? I don't understand.

[Arman]

i think i write wrong spelling, its same like myth.
from which history also get Source from it.

[ANTO]

I think you mean antiquity. Yes.

[Arman]

"Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work."