this is not a story, just absurdity

When you are alone and become quiet enough the silence starts to speak ...

Dont you ever wonder where everyone is when you're alone?  What they are looking at at this precise moment...? What are they pondering about if anything at all?  Try to pretend you are physically looking at things through their eyes.  You will begin to feel very unpleasant.  Watch your ego fade as you realize how many there are in this big bee hive of flux and running around and trying; we are all so similar. Similar in that we have human senses that propel us individually through this collective consciousness.  If you can sustain this thought during your next conversation with someone, their eyes will probably feel like they are piercing you because you will understand the reality of their sight, and you will feel naked and vulnerable.

 

Or conversely:

 

Do they have a life of their own when they're not in your presence? Understand,  no arrogance lies in this thought. But what I mean is who's to say they exist, you can only know what you observe in front of you. Anything else is trivial is it not?  Like how do you know it is really the year 2011.  How do you know that anything you read in a history book ever really happened? How do you know that you didnt go to the moon and back when you were sleeping. I sound mad but in the madness there is an understanding that nothing that only exists in the mind can be considered real by the common standards.  Are they really there? Hm, you say they are there... but who really knows? Who's to  say that when they leave your presence they dont fade away into thin air? Whos to say this isn't all just a projection of your mind? Maybe I'm just a projection. Everything surrounding you is your imagination. Maybe you are all alone.

 

I always thought I'd like my own tombstone to be blank. No epitaph, and no name. Well, actually, I'd like it to say "figment." -Andy Warhol

 

More thoughts:

 

Imagine you didnt have a memory, and therefore there was no time. Just the present moment, similar to the 3 second memory span of a goldfish. Now if this was the case, you might see your life as meaningless because you'd never get anything done.  But who's to say you're really getting anything done right now anyway...? whos to say that our 90ish year life span is not proportionally equivelent to the memory span of a gold fish. Maybe 90 years is what it takes for our minds to warm up and our light bulbs to start flickering but because our body decays we miss the cut off.  So in this case you dont have ENOUGH time to evolve mentally and get anything done and you are just the same as the "pathetic" fish and we are taking ourselves to seriously.  This sounds absurd but try to use your imagination even if just to humor yourself.

 

Who's to say that when you walk or drive or move in general that it is not you moving but your surroundings moving, your surroundings changing.  Maybe change is real and time is fiction. Positively. Read up on the subjectivity of time.

 

Dont you ever wonder how you are perceived?  How every idea you've cemented about yourself could be shattered with a simple realization and you could become as little as a slug, creeping. ugly. weak. Maybe you're not as pretty or handsome as you think you are or not as ugly as you think you are.  There's just so many things we blindly accept as truths.

 

Like the fact that the past no longer exists, but only inside your mind. You will forget, and never feel the way you did in passing moments, only for a glimpse.  never lasting, never quite the same.  or how you could forget moments that felt so right, that were so blissful, they no longer stir up feelings within you, you are numb to them.

 

When you look at someone the clothes they are wearing are covering their privates, which ARE there. and whoever you talk to takes s***s, has sex, has done evil things, has loved, has lost, has dreamed.  If they are your gender insterest and you their's, regardless of how platonic your relationship is, they've probably imagined having sex with you.

 

But the distractions of clothing and materials, are man made obstructions to keep you from wondering about all of this. Or they are just things that keep us from wondering about this.

 

Arent you scared that two people can be mates for years and not know that they live on different planets?

 

You dont know if the person youre walking next to has ever killed anyone, wants to kill you.

 

There are just so many possibilities. Like maybe we should love this order of the world imposed by humans of authority because they established it so that we may try to live and be happy without these questions weighing our souls down. 

 

Arent you scared about all the evil in this world? As humans we never fully grasp how deep the darkness is, our minds wont allow us. It's a form of protection because we wouldnt be able to handle it. But lets just say, if you could grasp the immensity of something as tragic as the Holocaust.. I guarantee you wouldnt be able to get out of bed for a while. If you could grasp the idea that somewhere out there, someone is suffering the most intense kind of pain, and are so f*****g desperate for help...

 

Ever wonder why we are afraid of darkness at night? If you think about it all it is is the absence of light, so everything in your room is unchanged but the amount of photons bouncing around yet we get so scared of it, scared of it subconciously because in darkness there is no distraction, we are looking deep within to our own unknown souls. Our own fears.

 

Narrow little worlds, narrow little minds. whos to blame? Ourselves, our government, our upbringing, society? God? the devil? Who's to say? Who's to know?

 

Any idea you hold on to may be false, I guess the ideas, the things we choose to believe are filled with hope that is silent even to ourselves. Like occupying your time and not looking at the rests between the notes.  But who are we kidding?

 

I think somewhere deep down, the depths varying, there are these thoughts, these thoughts of lonely agony that is part of the truth. Realizations of our indifference to human suffering. Realizations of our slavery to money and the governement. our slavery to bad people. We feel hopeless and it scares the living s**t out of us so we decide not think about it.

 

Now i know i keep looking at the dark side of things but how can one move forward in understanding of the balance between light and darkness unless me embrace it.  In truth there is always sacrifice. And to those who choose not to observe the truth I am in no place to belittle your chosen, or perhaps unchangeable, perspectives.